THE BRAVO BOYS - SNAKE EATER [book three]

Chapter FORTY

Shelby Quinn

"Aren't you coming in?" My hand hovers over the car door as I wait for Logan to make a move.. I want him to lust after me and to follow me up to my apartment.. But he doesn't.. The man sits still as a statue, lost deep in thought.. His jaw is tense and his grip on the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles turn white.. "Logan?"

"Huh?" He jerks out of his trance, turning to face me as the pattering of rain starts to fall, streaking the windows to create rainbow refractions that illuminate the silence of the car.. Beneath the glow of the soft streetlight he is even more impressive than ever, the sharp cut of his square angular jaw is accentuated in shadows, and the glint of his alluring mahogany gaze gleams bright..

"I asked if you were coming inside?" My head cocks to one side and I wonder how it could be possible that he hadn't heard me.. The whole drive uptown to my apartment, he had been distracted, quiet and pensive..

Actually, his whole disassociated mood is really rather frustrating, placing me on tense tenterhooks..

"I don't think I should, Beauty Queen.." He mutters reluctantly, running a hand back through his messy chocolate locks to neaten his dishevelled appearance..

"Why not?" I frown, expending all my might to keep irritation from prickling my tone.. I was so sure he'd been flirting with me earlier.. I really thought he was starting to forgive me.. Perhaps that had simply been wishful thinking on my part.. A dull ache of disappointment swells in my chest, expanding to dampen my hope..

Logan doesn't speak for what feels like forever, his foggy focus drifting out the windscreen.. When he finally does reply, his words are soft and rueful.. "When you came to me, desperate for answers, I didn't agree to help you out of kindness or morality.. No, what I did was selfish.. Because all I could think about was how fucking sweet you'd taste.." Logan shakes his head twice, as if to separate his mixed thoughts.. "Look, I know I'm not a good guy, Shelby.. I've sinned, I've stolen fortunes and destroyed empires.. I know secrets about this city and the people who run it that would make you sick to your stomach.. I've seen the harsh truth too clearly to pretend that I believe in justice anymore.. But the one thing I've never been, the one thing I hate- is the very same thing you've turned me into.."

My pulse pounds in my ears as his accusation weighs heavily on my heart.. "What do you mean?"

"I mean- I could be the kind of man who would sell his soul to the Specter machine.. I could do what needs to be done instead of doing what is right.. I can even live with blood on my hands and justify it all with lies.." His sad, sienna stare drills into mine and in his eyes lies the secrets of his misery and I can't help but hate myself for what I have done to him.. "Or I could be the man who takes you upstairs and tears that pretty little dress off you.. I could fuck you fast and rough, just the way you like it.. I could be the guy who gives you everything he's got.. But I can't be both.."

My mouth falls open, but my rebuttal is weak.. "Wait-"

"I've waited, Shelby.." The hacker quickly replaces his humility with a guarded posture and a cooler tone as he sighs in resignation.. "I've compromised.. But it doesn't even matter to you.. I keep giving into you and it seems like that's your only use for a guy like me.. So long as you need me, you'll want me.. But once you get your way, I have a feeling I'll become expendable real quick.."

"That's not true, Logan.." The vehement argument flies from my mouth without second thought.. "I know I've made some mistakes, but I'm trying to do better.."

"You shouldn't have to try, Butterfly.. It isn't supposed to be this hard.. Maybe this- us" He motions between us with two fingers and a tragic smile.. "Maybe we just don't work because deep down, we both know the truth.. That you don't believe you deserve to be happy.. And you ain't never gonna give me a chance to prove you wrong.." With a mocking scoff, he reclines back into his seat and allows his head to tip back.. "How could I, after all.. I'm the worst thing to ever happen to you.."