Not Hers- Scarlett Johansson

Part 11

Noah's POV

Rose seemed really sad when she saw me, which made me sad. I don't really know why she was sad, I mean it wasn't like she was the one with a broken wrist and a load of pain, but either way, I didn't like seeing her sad. I wasn't sure how to cheer her up, but Scarlett has spent all day cheering me up by holding me, so it just felt right to hold her hand. At that moment I wanted to try and comfort Rose as much as Scarlett has been comforting me all day, so I just did it. 

I didn't really even consider the fact I was touching someone until I had to let go of her hand when we got to the car and my hand suddenly felt cold. I blame all of this on the pain medication, but I found myself tapping answers back to Rose as she asked her usual mass of questions. It's not like I haven't answered her before, over the last few weeks she would come into my room and ask me my favourite something and I would draw it while she told me stuff, but I had never communicated with her with the taps like I do Scarlett. But I know she was still sad about me getting hurt and every time I answered a question, even if it was a simple tap for yes or no, she would smile so brightly that I didn't even think about how communicating with her was making me feel. I was just happy that she was happy again.

There was something about Rose that had me dropping my guard. I think I just know she would never hurt me, even if she is loud and overly touchy. She is just her and unapologetic about it, which I envy really because I don't get to be me, because I am a freak show, at least that's what everyone seems to think, I heard one of the kids at school call me it before Mickey attacked me. But when Rose looks at me I don't feel ashamed or uncomfortable, sure I know she finds it weird that I don't really talk or touch, but despite her little experiment to see how much she can touch me without me reacting, she's respectful of everything. The only other person who seems so understanding of how I cope with the world is Scarlett.

She has been amazing since I broke my wrist. Come to think of it she hasn't been too bad from the start. If anything I am the one that has made this whole thing hard by completely refusing to even try with her, but can you really blame me? With Daddy's track record of picking girlfriends, it's a huge shock that Scarlett isn't like the others. But I am starting to really believe she is different, that she isn't like Lisa or like Jess. She has stayed by my side since she got the phone call about my wrist, she has held me and kept me safe, she has made sure everyone respected my boundaries and made sure I have been as comfortable as possible given everything going on. Maybe she is safe, maybe I can give her a real chance. Starting with trying to open up.

Bonnie, the therapist Daddy has been sending me to, thinks I have selective mutism as a side effect of all my anxiety, although it is a severe case due to the fact I don't really talk to anyone most of the time. Bonnie says that it's ok if I don't feel safe talking to people or if I chose to express myself in different ways, such as through my drawings. But she also said I should try and find a person who I think is safe and try my best to talk to them. She said it doesn't matter what I say or how much I say or who I say it to, just that I try. Maybe Scarlett could be who I try with. The way her face lights up whenever I speak to her, I don't think you could fake that, could you?

When I first spoke to her it was out of desperation, knowing that the only way I would get help was if I asked for it and I knew at that point I needed it. The next few times I did it out of instinct, blind panic that she would leave. But then I found myself answering her questions, just quietly she only she could hear. I wanted her to know I am trying because maybe if she sees I'm willing to try and be normal for her she won't leave.

As soon as we stepped into the house Scarlett walked us to the dining room, where Daddy and Rose were already sitting dishing out dinner. When Scarlett went to sit me back in my seat I just held her shirt tightly with my good arm, not wanting to be on my own right now. Everything hurt and I was tired and I can still feel a chill in my bones from the x-ray room. Scarlett is warm, it's like she radiates safety and I really like that. I don't know how long she will let me cuddle with her before she will get tired and thinks I'm needy, and while clinging to her now may speed up the part where she finds me needy, I can't help it. It's been so long since I felt comforted that I just want to cling to it for as long as possible.