Poems and shit

'Love mark'

⚠️mentions of SH⚠️

Picking at my 'love mark' in the middle of class.

One of my favorite things to do is pick at it.

See how long untill it breaks and bleeds.

Wondering if anyone 'll notice the blood I'm sucking from my finger.

The shorts I wear just barely covering it when I stand.

It's become a game, see how far up untill I can see it.

See how much I have to pick off for blood to form.

Watching as the blood piles together in the middle of German.

Hoping the people who sit next to me don't see my wretched, bloody masterpiece.

I suck the blood off my fingers as my German teacher talks about stem-changing vowels and how they work in German.

Soaking in the information like my tongue soaks up the blood.

With perfect composition and a steady hand I pick at the scab more.

Tearing off parts connecting to the skin.

Straightening my back in a mixture of pain and some sort of pleasure.

A twisted smile almost forming on my face.

Hunching over my 'love mark' when someone tries to point it out.

Pulling my shorts down when people stare.

My 'love mark' is a portrait painted to only be seen by me and few others.

It stings when I sit and hurts to think about.

Everyone looks at me asking if I'm fine and I always say I am.

Starting to pick and pinch it.

Running my fingers around the deformed heart that will scar for life.

Pushing my nail into the scab sending a sting through my thigh.

Relaxing at the pinches of pain.

Breathing through the pain like I'm doing choir warm-up's.

My 'love mark' stinging a whole in my heart needing to be replaced with the obsession of pain.

I could explain if I knew what it was but I don't know so I can't explain.

But it's just the chills I'm sent when I tear away the scab connected to skin.

I can remember the numb feel of that blade on my thigh.

Scratching and scaring a symbol of my obsessions to my skin.

Punishing my thoughts with a permanent mark that cuts deeper than a layer or two of tissue.

It makes me shift when it presses against something.

In pain or joyfully, I don't know.

But I know the pain is as addictive as a drug.

And fuck I need more of it.

The love mark started a trend that will continue.

Forever and ever.

And ever.

And ever.

-Alex <3