My phone vibrates under my pillow. I quickly grab it and shut off the six am alarm and let out a quiet breath and just stare up at the ceiling. Todays the day. The first day of college. The first time I'll see Chase in nearly 5 years.
My stomach does a flip at the thought. It feels like when you're on a rollercoaster and you're at the very top about to drop. There's that overwhelming fear and anticipation that turns your gut. But there's also excitement and a thrill. That's what it feels right now. I hate that excitement that spreads in my chest like wildfire. It feels like breatrying myself, for being happy to see him, it feels like forgiveness so I'm thankful for all the other negative emotions brewing inside me. It doesn't make any of this less confusing though.
I spend the next few minutes just continuing to stare up at the ceiling. Then I get up as best I could without waking up the girls. I put on my running gear quickly and grab my phone, earbuds, and keys and head out.
I do a light jog at first then I run. I run from everything. I run until I'm sweating, until my legs burn, and my chest aches and even then I don't stop. I run until my body is a wreck. I run for what feels like hours. And I love it. The world blurs and the sun begins to shine on the world and I keep on running. I run like it's all I know how to do. I run like I'll never stop. But eventually I do have to stop so I start on the path to my house and do a cool down jog.
Once I reach the house and I look at the one next to mine and it sends a pang through me but I shake it off like I do with everything else. I take the stairs two at a time ignoring the slight burn in my legs and head to my room.
The room is empty and I assume they went to the other rooms to shower so I grab my uniform and head to my bathroom and take a shower and put on my uniform. When I get out of the bathroom they are dressed and on their phones. I walk to the body length mirror and stare at myself.
I used to wear this uniform all the time for over ten years before I left. Not the same exact one but a younger version of it. It looks different on me now. The white button down hugs my chest and the skirt flows around my ass and snatches my waist. I look older than I did when I last wore a similar uniform.
''You look hot as fuck in this uniform.'' Davina says, coming up behind me. She looks good too, they all do. Vina's wearing a tight white button down shirt tucked in and a few buttons undone to show off her cleavage. With a very short navy blue shorts that show her incredible ass.
Briar's uniforms hug every inch of her thick curvy frame and those high knee socks look incredibly inappropriate on her but in a good way. She wears a skirt and a blazer that gives her the sexy nerd look.
Jade is wearing a white button down with a long navy blue carden over it that hits just above her knees. Paired with black combat boots that emphasize her long smooth legs.
Imogene wears a carden with a button down shirt underneath and a skirt skating just above her ass making her look cute and hot.
Davina hugs me from behind, Her hands roam slowly up my body and over my tits. And I let her. It feels nice to be wanted by someone you love. The girls clears their throat and Vina sighs and pulls back.
''You guys are no fun.'' Dvina says. I roll my eyes. We turned around to face the girls and she pouts and then smirks and I smirk back. Whenever she'd come to visit and she wasn't with anyone we'd fool around sometimes. It's all fun though, nothing serious.
''You all look hot. You guys look nothing like the cute innocent schoolgirls from a few years ago.'' I say.
''It hasn't been a few years, it's been longer and we grew up and you did too.'' This came from Imogene and it came out a little sharper than I would have liked. But it was fair. There were so many times she begged me to come home but I didn't.
There was a heavy silence. Everyone was looking at us. Imogene closed her eyes for a second and opened them.
''Sorry.'' she said.
''You have nothing to be sorry about.'' I replied and I meant it.
''Anyways, i'll make breakfast.'' I say clapping my hands together. She tries to catch my eye on the way out but I just keep walking.
What she said might be the truth but the truth is a bitch sometimes. And the truth is I haven't been here. I can't just show up here and expect things to be the same.
We all leave the room, leaving the weird energy behind. We make our way down stairs and around the kitchen table.
''Lets just grab something at starbucks or anything on the way. The car is almost here.'' Jade says. Grabbing her bag that she must have left here.
"It's here." She says.
I sigh and we all grab out shit and head out.
I've had the same driver for what feels like forever. He drove me on the first day of kindergarten and now the first day of college. We've come a long way.
"Silverton," I say by way of greeting.
"It's been a while hasn't." He replied.
"Too long." I reply sadly.
He gives a knowing smile and opens the door. Instead of going in the car right away I hugged him.
He smells like mint just like I remember and that only makes me hug him tighter. He seems a little surprised at first but then the old man hugs me like he would his own daughter. I let go after a long minute and have to wipe away the moisture in my eyes. I clear my throat.
"You know the destination, old man?" I tease like I always do.
"Always."
I smile at him and head into the car. The car starts moving and the silence is weird again. Imogene sits facing me and keeps trying to catch my eye again. I keep avoiding her, not out of spite but because I can't stand to see the truth in her eyes. I was forced to leave but at some point I could've come back. I should've come back. I know she isn't the only one feeling like they've been left. They were my family and I didn't return back for them. And that part is no one's fault but my own.
I'm also exerting this weird frazzled vibe right now. It's been years since I've seen him, and the guys who were like brothers, and the students. The same students who have been going to the same private daycare, private elementary and middle school, and now the same private college together. They know everything about what happened that night. It's embarrassing and I feel exposed. I feel like in walking into a museum and I'm the object on display.
Not to mention everyone's only seen me and Chase together as best friends and a little more but not as enemies. I'm not interested in putting on a show for them but there's really nothing I can do.
"You good?" Jade asked with a hint of concern.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
She just gave me a flat look. I just sighed and looked at the window.
"You look like you're about to enter the seven circles of hell." She continued.
Well... I'd say that's exactly what's happening.
"Can't you see she's freaked out? She's about to be reunited with the past love of her life in front of the whole school. I'm freaked out and nervous too and I'm not even her. This is the first time we've all been together in the same place. I'm a little excited."
Briar looked at me when she said the last part. Probably thinking I wouldn't be too happy about her being excited about all this. But I get it, they want the gang back together and if I'm being honest I do too. I want it all to go back to the way it used to be but I know it won't. That's part of the problem. I don't want to see what our new normal is going to be like together.
We went to Starbucks and I downed half of the drink in record speed. Getting high on sugar and diabetes I am no doubt ingesting. I felt loads better after my daily dose of sugar.
We now pulled into the school and my stomach was a roller coaster about to drop.
"Ready? Some things have changed around here. Not much. Everything is basically the same, but just a few things out of place. Nothing, you can't put back in order with time." Imogene says.
"Like?" I ask.
"You'll see." She winces as she says it and trepidation shoots its way up my spine. But before I can say anything she opens the door and steps out. I hesitate but then I decide to remember who I am. I'm Felicity Blackwell. Heir to one of the richest weapons and jewelry companies. I've learnt how to kick the ass of men three times my size and I didn't hesitate to do it. So I won't now. I was the head bitch here. Correction: I am a head bitch here. Not because people feared me, well not mostly, but because they liked me.
I walk out of the car with as much bravado I was born with. The private college is similarly built to the middle and high school. So it's small compared to other colleges but it's bigger than the high school. The navy blue buildings are too familiar for my liking.
When I walk out, people start to whisper, some stop talking all together, and some just gawk, and they all are staring. I catch some of the whispering and almost falter. Most of the whispers aren't too kind. Down right cruel to be honest. They gossip is about the night I decide to leave and half of the details are out of context or just not true. They sneer and pretend I'm not there.
I'm confused about what's happening. They used to love me. Now they hate me. Imogene comes up from behind me as I stare at the people and the buildings. Trying to take everything in. All the familiar faces, most of them cringing at me.
"Ya, people didn't take well to you leaving. There's a lot of different versions of what happened that night circling around since the day you left. Some make you sound like a monster and it doesn't help that Abigail has been in charge since you left you. They like mean, but they still have a moral code. They think you broke that code. If I thought you did what they think you did, I would be disgusted to. Which is why she spread those rumors in the first place." Imogene informs me as we make our way to the entrance.
Abigail has always hated me, she's always wanted everything I've had. My status as queen B, Chase and even my friends.
I've never wanted to be in charge of this place and the students here, it just happened effortlessly and I think that's what she hates about me most. she tried to claw her way through the hierarchy while I didn't even have to try. But before I left she did get one thing that I thought was mine. Chase.
If Abigail's been in charge since I've left she's no doubt has been whispering ugly little lies in everyone's ears turning them against me.
"We've done our best to counteract the lies she's been spreading. But you know people are more interested in the drama than hearing the truth and that's what she's been giving them in your absence." Imogene continues.
People continued to stare as we walked down the hallway. Briar and Jade to my left and Imogen and Divina to my right. No one approaches, they all just stare. Like they can't believe the band is back together.
People alway love a good story and gossip and drama. It puts them in a frenzy. They'll always want to believe that over the truth because sometimes the truth is uninteresting or the truth doesn't give you a villain or someone to blame.
All of this makes me want to bash Abigail's head in but I'm not surprised. Not in the least.
"Great. Is there anything else?" I ask dryly.
"Ya, chase is in most of your classes if not all. He's in your first class for today." She says brightly like she didn't just hand me a bomb that's blowing up in my face as we speak.
I stop walking and turn to her. My heart dropped in my ass.
"Say what now?"
"Well by some fate of the universe you guys ended up in the same classes." She got the words out in a rush.
"Fate huh?"
"Crazy right." She replies looking guilty as shit.
"So he'll be in my class, right now?" I ask more to myself in disbelief.
"Actually, you won't see him for most of the day because he has freshman football orientation for half the day."
That gives me a small sense of relief.
"And what about after that? What am I supposed to do about my classes?" I ask even though I know the answer.
"You were always going to see him again, you can't run forever Felicity."
I can damn well try, I wanted to say.
"He'll be in the dining hall later when we're eating so you'll probably see him then." Briar shimes in.
They all give me reassuring smiles and we all go our separate ways. As I walk to get to my lecture I feel the weight of everyone's gaze and opinions on me. I walk with my head held high and my resting bitch face on. I don't care what they think. But I don't love being hated.
I get to my class and sit in the middle of the room, nearly towards the back.
I sit there for two hours barely paying attention to the syllabus and rules of the class.
Halfway through the class some idiot was brave enough to ask me if I really gave my mother drugs to try to kill her. I couldn't believe that was a rumor that was even circulating. And from the sounds of it it isn't even one of the worst ones.
It felt like the room got quieter as they waited for my answer but maybe that's just my imagination.
I replied to his idiotic question by asking him if he liked his tongue where it was, to which he grinned and made a joke about what he and his tongue could do with me. Which caused everyone to laugh.
I smiled a false sweet smile and told him if he wanted to continue doing those things with his tongue he should probably shut up before I decide to rip it out and shove it up his ass.
His grin disappeared and he glared at me but I just turned around and continued to stare at nothing for the rest of class.
My next class went similarly and my threats became more violent as lunch neared.
Before I knew it I was standing at the entrance of the dining hall, ready to throw up.
"Are you going to walk through those doors or just walk into it?" A familiar male voice drawled behind me. Sounding bored.
"I vote to see the latter." Another voice added. Sounding annoyingly chipper at the prospect.
"Shut up." A harsh female voice responded and then came a sound like she was hitting the back of his head. My heart leaped.
I grinned and spun around to see three familiar faces now smiling back at me.
"I think I much rather prefer seeing both of your heads permanently imprinted onto the door." I purred.
"I second that." Isabelle added and she lunged for me as I lunged for her back and we collided in a messy hug, laughing and smiling.
When we pulled back, I hugged Dean next and he enveloped me in a massive bear hug. Lifting me and spinning me around. I giggled and tapped him to put me down.
I walked to Hunter and hugged him next. It was a warm and silent hug. He nearly squeezed all the air out of lungs but I didn't protest.
When I pulled back there was silence. A little tense. I couldn't place what it was. Maybe they didn't completely forgive me for never coming back too. Or for breaking Chase's heart. Even though he broke mine first.
"Where's Sean?" I asked. My voice thick with emotion. They all look at each other but it's Hunter that speaks.
"He with...Chase, they should be on their way soon."
I nod. There is an overwhelming panic in my gut that screams to run away. I'm not ready to see him again. But there is a little bit of relief that he isn't already in the dining hall.
I open my mouth to speak but it's too clogged with emotion. So I take a second to rally myself and clear my throat.
"Coming to the dining hall with me." I ask with a forced grin.
The look they give me is sad and I hate it. I narrowed my eyes.
"Well?" I push.
Dean smirks at me, "nice to know your still a bitch." He turns me around and throws his arm around me and pushes open the door. A few glances our way but we go to the food bar ignoring everyone. When we grab our food, we see the girls and I make my way over to them. They make room for all of us and we sit down.
The girls make weird faces and I sigh.
"What is it?" I ask them.
"Well, we don't usually eat the boys." Briar says, glancing at Hunter to find he's already looking at her. I frown at that.
"What do you mean you don't sit with them?" I questioned. I know they didn't hangout as much or the same after I left but this still surprises me.
"Well when you were gone it was a little weird and then Abigail made it super awkward and we just stopped sitting with them. Sometimes one or more of them will come over for a few minutes or sit with us until Abigail comes and then leaves. For the most part though they sit with each other and Abigail and we sit with ourselves." Jade shrugged like it's all normal and I suppose it is for them. That was not how things were when I went here. Is that how things are going to be now that I'm back?
Perhaps that's for the best, I can't even imagine sitting with Chase. His eyes on me when I speak, mine on his when he opens his mouth. Our eyes always lock on each other. Unable to look away like two idiots who deserved her eyes poked out.
"Why are you guys sitting with us now?" I say.
"You're here now." Dean says and there's a rare seriousness to his voice when he looks at me. Like he expects me to change everything. Like everything will change to like how it used to be. But I don't know how it could.
There's a little voice in my head saying I do know how to do that. I just have to... I shake my head and ignore where my mind is going.
We start to catch up on the last four years of our lives. Dean was in the middle of telling us about a prank he did on a rival team. Of course everyone already knows about it but I never got the full details.
He explains how he put rats in Jade's purse because it was big enough and was 'just there'. She shoots him a glare but he continues.
"I totally forgot to bring a box for the rats and I saw Jade's purse in the truck so I put the little guys in there. I went to release the other animals first since they would take more time. And it seems someone got impatient." He wiggles his brows at Jade and she gives him the finger which he tries to lick it. I laugh at her grossed out faces. Jade has the best faces.
"Anyway, she decides to get out of the car to check on me. On the way she grabs her purse full of rats and she gets inside the school she starts to hear squeaking. She thinks it's an animal I release inside the school. But when I see her.." He can barely control his laughter and I'm trying so hard to control mine too. We all are trying not to laugh while Jade looks thoroughly traumatized.
"I point my flash light at her which makes the rats in her bag squeal like a banshee and climb their way up her arm and all over her...."
We all burst out in laughter before he could finish the sentence. There are tears streaming down Imogene's cheeks and Hunter hands her a napkin. Even Jade is laughing. We are all laughing so hard people start looking our way. I can barely breathe.
Jade even starts choking on her drink and starts coughing furiously and that only sends us into a bigger roar of laughter.
Suddenly the air shifts. But we were all too caught up in this rare sense of togetherness and comradery that we didn't even notice. And it seems when everyone else did notice, I was the last to realize. I was still smiling and cleaning up the mess Jade left when I felt a familiar tug deep in my core. I knew who it was before I looked it up.
My head snapped up and my eyes connected with his. I felt the air leave my lungs and my world shift out of place.
No, shifts back into place. My heart felt like it was on top of a roller coaster all day ready to drop. But it didn't drop. I didn't plummet into darkness and rage and despair and grief at the sight of him. Instead it rode slowly, steadily, and surely to the end of the ride. Like it knew where to go. Like he was where I was meant to go. I thought I would rage and roar and destroy him when I saw him. But instead I wanted to crawl into his arms and sob. Sob about the last few years of my life. Sob about how lonely I was and how much I missed him. Needed him.
When I look into those beautiful green eyes my heart fractures a bit. Because he's the reason I want to sob. He is part of the reason I felt so alone these past few years. But I don't hate him for it anymore I realize. I'm just sad and exhausted and confused.
And I need him. I need him to heal this, because only he can. I don't know how to completely let all of it go but maybe he can show me.
Those beautiful eyes roam over me. Like he can see the truth of the last few years written on my body. When he looks up at me again, his eyes searching mine, I know he can see everything. The broken parts I hide under bubble wrap and cushion because I'm afraid it'll hurt me.
He looks so much older now. His hair is no longer pure blonde, but a dirty blond. His hair is shaggy and comes up to around his ears now. Longer than how he used to keep it. His face has lost its softness, his jaw and cheekbones are more defined, and his lips are more pouty. My eyes linger on his red plush lips a little longer than necessary. Then I make my way down his chiseled body. He is tall now. He's always been tall but this is different. He's maybe 6'5, and I can't help but salivate. I've always had a thing for tall men and women.
He's clearly started working out because I can see his lean muscle through the fabric of his clothes.
When I make my way to his eyes. I can see the pain the last few years that hunts him. I can see the caution in his eyes. Like he thinks I'm going to hurt him and tears blur my eyes. He's never had to be cautious with me before. He was my soul boned, my everything. I'd never hurt him, even as I think it, it's not completely true though.
I hurt him the night I left on purpose. Knowing just what to do and say to make a lasting blow. And wasn't I planning on hurting just now?
A girl with brunette hair and big fake tits clears her throat harshly. My attention snaps to Abigail and rage so potent I nearly choke on it swirls everywhere. And when she wraps a possessive hand around Chase's bicep, an honest to god near growl almost leaves my lips. But I just narrow my eyes at the contact. That was the other betrayal. Perhaps the catalyst to everything. Her. But I don't know, I'm trying to make an effort here so I ignore it.
I don't know why but I scoot a little bit and pat the seat next to me. I don't look at him. I just look at my hand on the bench next to me. Hoping he'd sit next to me. I hear shuffling and feet make their way towards me. A minute later I see big black shoes in front of me but I don't look up.
"Felicity." The voice is deep. Far deeper than I remember. It's startling how much has changed. How much he'd changed and yet there is still a familiar lilt to his voice. A familiarity to everything.
My head lifts and I stare at him like a deer in headlights but I move my hands. Sean sits at the end of the other side of the table. Chase sits next to me, at the front end of the my side of the table.
His scent and his body heat sends my body into a frenzy. He stares at me like it's an effort for him too and a low throb begins deep in my core at the heat in his eyes.
I opened and closed my mouth but all I could manage was his name and his face softened.
"Are you going to move over?" Abigail sneered. Totally ruing the moment. I sigh, totally exasperated by her already.
I slowly looked at her and then looked around the table.
"There's no more space for you." I smiled. But the smile she gives me is wicked.
"Oh, is it because Briar, the cow, is taking up too much space?" Hunter growls a deep warning growl that seems to scare her but doesn't stop her. Briars lips wobble and her eyes full with tears and my head starts to spin with rage that boils in my blood.
She sits her tray down next to Chase's and sits on his lap. Making herself real comfortable.
It's only then do I realize how silent it is in the dining hall. The silence is so stark against the ringing in my ears. Everybody's been wanting to see a Felicity and Abigail show down.
I do let a out a growl this time.
"You know what Chase was doing earlier?" She asked. practically preening. I didn't answer, no one did.
"He was doing first year volunteer work for the football players. He was taking out the trash all around campus." She said, anyone with sense could see where this was going.
"It seems he wasn't done with all the trash though. I think you're his last stop." She pouted.
"I'd have to disagree on that one sweetheart, I'd say you were made for the garbage bin. In fact let me know if you feel at home in it." I purred.
In a second I was up and grabbed her hair extensions and half walked and half dragged her ass to the very large garbage bin and shoved her small frame inside. She bucked and squealed like an overgrown rat the whole time. God how could chase have sex with this thing. When her head popped up, I did the civilized thing and shoved it back down. She let out a scream that rivaled banshees everywhere. Everyone breaks out into laughter but I ignore them.
Her head was full of food and god knows what. I nearly gaggedwhen I bent down and whispered.
"That was very stupid of you to insult Briar in front of Hunter." She looks over at Hunter and the look he gives her made even my legs shake. It really was very stupid of her, but she got insecure around me and made wrong choices but damn did she fuck up. Nobody goes after Briar, that's like an unspoken rule.
"Here what's going to happen, I'm gonna roll you out of the dining hall, like the overgrown pest in a garbage den that you are and dump your ass on the lawn of the courtyard for the world to see."
She was about to protest but I looked in Hunter's direction pointedly. Sean's family might be the one in mafia business but Hunter and Isabella's family does shady things too. Hunter has no doubt killed a man or two. He would have no qualms about breaking Abigail for what she said to briar.
"It's either I deal with you my way or he deals with you his way, and trust me Abigail you won't survive what he had planned for you." She doesn't answer but she doesn't need to. People start taking pictures and laugh at Abigail.
I smirked and grabbed the handle of her garbage bin and rolled it out. Outside I'm in perfect view of the dining hall window. When I make it outside I don't roll it out onto the lawn. I rolled it out into the road where cars drive. With a little bit of effort I flip the garbage bin until she spills out of it and on to the middle of the road. At breakneck speed I ran to the lawn out of ongoing traffic.
A car drives right past her, at her left. She screams as she realizes where she is and she sees cars driving past her. She tries to run over to where I'm standing but a car rushes right in front of her and she has to back up. She stares at me in fear but I just look back with coldness in my eyes.
It took her a few minutes to safely get to the sidewalk. It's a miracle she didn't die or get run over. Pity, maybe next time.
She glares at me but the sick twisted smile I give her keeps her away.
I turn around and walk back to the dining hall leaving her to deal with her own shit and humiliation. When I enter, no one is laughing. There is only silence. But I still have that sick and twisted smile on my face. Reminding everyone why I was on top before.
You see, this school is full of kids with rich, important families and parents. As such we are bound to be a little crazy. It's all about who's crazier, how far are you willing to go without crossing are sick and twisted morals. I sit down and lock eyes with Hunter and Sean and they give me a satisfied good girl smile and I beam. If there's anyone who could compete with me for crazy it would be them.
The room fills with chatter again like nothing happened. Chase stares at me like I'm crazy but I just smile.
I look down at my hands and remember I was just touching garbage. I tell my friends I'll be back and head to the bathroom. Dean and and the girls look a little stunned like they forgot how crazy I could be and I guess I don't blame them. It's been a while.
As I made my way to the bathroom I could feel him walking behind me. A thrill shoots up my spine. And that ache intensifies. I walk in the bathroom, turn on the sink and wash my hands. I hear the door open and close behind me but I don't look up at the mirror or behind me to see who it is. When I'm done washing my hands I still don't look up. I put my hands on either side of the sink as a warm body presses flush against my back. I lean into him and almost whimper at how hard he is for me.
When I look up I see his green eyes darken and intense expression crosses face. I smirk, knowing that I'm in trouble and knowing I'm going to enjoy every minute of this.
YOU ARE READING
Bonds we Forgive
RomanceI had a friend, not just any friend but a best friend. He was my beautiful blond haired green eyed best friend. He was the biggest part of life, he was my partner in crime, my other half, my everything. Till he wasn't. Until he became my ruin, the o...