The Letters Of A Mad Man

The hate we love

After the crazy breakup between Hazel and I that happened in June I went through all 704 stages of grief, and after some time I was starting to feel like my self again. I took time off social media,changed my number, bought a new house and started being more productive with my everyday life. I was basically a new person and had decided to go to this party out in Essex because a friend of mines thought it would be a good experience, so I picked up my keys and my Gucci bag  and went to the event that would change my life. The party itself was amazing but what happened to me wasn't exactly what I would call my best moments. Psychologist commonly say there are five stages to grief denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But they failed to tell us about the sixth one what I like to call "Getting Your Lick Back". I was walking to get a drink from the bar to "lighten my mood" then I saw her. It was too late for either one of us to pretend as though we didn't see the other so we stared at one another long and hard and every fiber in my bones was telling me to pick up my things and leave, but I couldn't instead I walked towards her and she did the same. Isaac Newton once said, "to every action, there is always an equal reaction" she was my equal reaction to every action I took. To this day the only word that can properly convey what happened that day to me was "Instinct". She used her eyes and motioned me to follow her and I did " Good doggy"
And in my mind, a thousand and one thoughts played around my head but I ignored them all and followed her into a room. It was basic nothing like the rooms me and her would normally go to when we were together but it was good it had a small tv in the front, a bed and those landline phones that no one uses anymore. When we got inside I closed the door but left it unlocked just in case she wanted to stab a knife in my jugular I would at least have a running chance and we began to stare at each other once again. It was to the point you could literally see the animosity in the air. The anger, the hate, the disgust all together in one room. Despite all of those emotions being present, our bodies did another thing. I hated her and she hated me but what happened next was pure impulse. I took a deeper look at her and I could see the pain in her eyes and for a brief moment, I remembered the good times we spent together. I didn't know when I moved in to kiss her. Maybe I wanted to know if it would feel the same, maybe she did too I don't know. But what I do know is she kissed back and from that moment it was sealed she began to take off her clothes and with every inch of skin, she revealed the memories of what to do to them came back to me like a primal instinct. Her body was my canvas and I painted my lips all over it. And she knew the only time she truly feels complete is when I'm inside her and right now we are the only two beings in the world. You crave me like an addict craves drugs and when I touch you, your whole body opens up to me like it's second nature. I don't need to tell you to spread your legs and welcome me to the space between it which I've come to know as paradise. Your body tells you to do that and right now your a slave to it, and you open your legs the same way you open your mouth when you want to eat, and you do want to eat, your hungry but what you crave is not food. Nope, it's me. And now your pussy is salivating so you pull me in and I oblige and I realize when I get there your wet and you moan even louder when I finally make my way inside you and I take my time savoring every moment I'm in you and God is it good in here, I press my hand on your lower stomach just the way you like it and slowly begin to take you for myself. You grasp and hold onto me like your holding onto your life, and technically in a way you are because I am your life. You hate me so bad for the hold I have on you and I hate you too. You bite my shoulder and I remember what the counselor said I should tell myself whenever I think I'm going to lose control "Gently Zion"   You lick my neck when I'm in you and I say it again in my head "Gently Zion".  Then finally you whisper in my ear and God it's like you spoke this angelic language that makes me obey your every command. And your command was "Stop treating me like a fragile little girl and fuck me like a slut". At that moment not even the heavens gate could stop me from giving you what you wanted. What you needed, and you remember that special place in heaven where God builds vagina's I always talk about I could tell this was the one God built for me. So I turned her over and she arched her back "Good Girl"  and began to devour her on the very spot. You screamed my name which was music to my ears "Good girl". You tear the bedsheet "That's alright it was cheap anyways". And you come for me as you do for no other and so do I. We finish together like we were singing an harmony and when we are done you cry. Not because you hated it but because you hated the fact you loved it.