Anything Can Happen

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Four

“So Joaquin tell me, how are you doing since the last time we talked?” it was my third time seeing her but this time I came alone. It’s not that I didn’t want Grant there; he just had other things to take care.

“Um better, but I started having nightmares.”

“Tell me about those nightmares?” it had been a while since I had them, but since coming here and talking to Dr. Howard they started again.

“Well most aren’t really nightmares. It’s where the times my dad raped me are on repeat. I haven’t been able to sleep through the night lately; I always wake up screaming in a cold sweat.”

“What does Grant have to say about this, do you tell him why you’re waking up every night?”

“Yes I know he cares a lot about me and just wants me to be at peace with myself, but I just can’t help but feel like I'm making his life difficult.”

“Why do you feel that?”

“He can have anyone he wants; he’s rich, handsome and has a charming personality when his isn’t being a jackass.” Dr. Howard chuckled, “But he chooses to be with me.”

“Tell me about the first time you met Grant.”

“I was at club boom and he was working as the bartender. He flirted with me shamelessly, I told him I wasn’t interested but that didn’t stop him. Every time I went there he would flirt and say some vulgar things. It only made me dislike him more.”

“But,” she smiled at me.

“But then I found out he was the new history teacher at the school I teach at. He changed and wanted to be friends it was clear that I wasn’t interested.”

“I see just being friends didn’t last long.” I chuckled and shook my head. “So what changed your mind about him?”

“I got to know him better, and I just found myself falling for him. Even though he was still a jackass most of the time, but he was showing me that there was more to him.”

“So you finally gave in and started dating, but yet you have doubt.”

“Yes I just don’t see why he would want to be with me. There’s nothing special about, there’s nothing that makes me stand out from other people. All I am is damaged goods that he is taking pity on.”  

“You’re wrong he loves you, it’s quite obvious to everyone who sees you two together. He sees something special in you, nor does he pity you. I think the reason you can’t see that is because your letting what happened to you hold you back. You know you love Grant, but you are letting the fear your father still hold over you hold you back.” I let her words sink in, I knew she was right but what she was saying was easier said than done.  

“So how am I supposed to get rid of this fear?”

“You are going to have to confront your father.” I tensed up; I never thought I would have to see him after he was sent to prison. “You’re going to have to tell him how much he hurt you and how he ruined your life, but I think you’re still not ready for that.”

Telling the man that robbed me of everything how much he hurt me wasn’t going to be easy, nor was it something I was looking forward too. “When do you think I’ll be ready for that?”

“When you see Frankie again, you need to see him and tell him what really happened. I know you don’t want him to know, but he has a right to know.”

“I don’t see the point in him having to know.”

“Tell me Joaquin, what are your other nightmares about?” I fidgeted in my seat; damn I swear this woman could read minds or something.

“It’s about seeing Frankie again.” I looked at the floor; I didn’t want to look at her, just so I can see that creepy smile she gets when she is right about something.

“Tell me what happens in the nightmares.” They were always started out the same.

“It’s always starts with me seeing Frankie my freshman year in college, but this time he sees me.” she nodded her head for me to continue. “Well we start to talk and it just like old times, but then he asks why I never wanted to see him again.”

“And then what happens,” only two things ever happened.

“I tell him the truth and he looks at me with such disgust and tells me I probably enjoyed it. And the other time I tell him it’s what my father wanted, to which he doesn’t believe and calls me liar. But not before he tells me if you didn’t want to be with me then you should have just told me instead of lying to me.” I felt the tears slip out; I had been doing that a lot lately. Just crying about everything, I had even done it while I was at work. I just was so tired of feeling this way; I just wanted to be happy.

“Which one happens the most?”

“The second one and it’s always the same, over and over again.” I let out a shaky breath as I reached for a tissue and dried my eyes.

“Is that why you don’t want to see Frankie, you’re worried he won’t believe you?” I nodded my head as I looked back to the floor. “Well there is only one way to find out for sure and that is to see him and tell him the truth.”

“I know but it’s just I know I haven’t seen him in years but he still holds that special spot in my heart.”

“I feel like there’s a but coming.”

“But Grant has taken almost over that part and that’s another reason I think I still have my doubts about us.”

“You need that closure with Frankie, before you can really move with Grant.” I nodded my head, “If you don’t then you can never face your father nor will you be able to full enjoy your life with Grant.”

I sighed deeply, “I just wished it was easier to do.” I slumped back onto the couch and ran my fingers through my hair.

“I know that it seems hard right now, but it will be a lot easier on you if you get the closure you need.” I sat back up and stared at Dr. Howard. “One more thing before our time is up; stop doubting the love Grant has for you. He cares deeply for you and will do whatever he can to make you happy.”

I took a deep breath and nodded my head; I got up and walked to the door. “Joaquin it won’t always be this hard, once you let your fears and doubts go, the happier you will be.”

“Thank you and I will see you next week Dr. Howard.”

Grant was waiting for me in the waiting room; he came up to me and hugged me. Right now I needed this hug, “How was your session?” Grant asked as we headed home.

“Exhausting and stressful but most of all, relief to have some more weight off my shoulder. That’s what I like feeling after each session.”

“That’s good and sorry I couldn’t go with you.”

“That’s ok I understand, so what were you doing?”

“That is a surprise you’re going to have to wait until your birthday.” I groaned, god knows what he had plan for my birthday and to top it off it was Valentine’s Day as well.

“Please tell me it’s not something over the top, I told you already to stop with the unnecessary spending.” Grant leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

“Don’t worry I didn’t waste too much money on it, I just hope you like your surprise.” I thought about what he had planned, there were a lot of things he could do.

“Can I have a hint?”

“Nope your just going to have to wait.” He smiled, whatever he had planned he was really pleased with it and whether I liked it or not, I was just going to have to wait. I just hope it wasn’t something too expensive.

*A/N So what do you guys think Gant has planned for Joaquin's birthday/Valentine?