"Jay? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine". I smile and exit the class with the rest of the students. We walk through the halls, down the stairs, and out onto the grounds. I stand there, confused, as I do at the end of every day, watching everyone get picked up by their parents, smiling and laughing and hugging their friend's goodbye. I snap back to reality and remember I have to take the bus home. I start to walk.
"Jay." I feel someone tap my shoulder. "Are you sure you're, okay?" he asks. "You look a little... I don't know. Out of it?"
I smile and look him in the eyes, attempting to make a convincing face.
"I'm fine." I say. "I promise." I turn away from him and walk towards the school gates, pushing through countless kids and backpacks.
I open the gate and take a step towards it, but I have the urge to look back. Look back at him. I turn around, only to find him watching me still, a look of concern on his face. I stare into his eyes for a few moments, until a tear forms and rolls down my cheek. I wipe it away, put on a smile, and walk through the gates.
I put my airpods in and walk to the bus stop, my playlist playing on full volume. It hurts my head a little, but puts me at ease. I like loud music. It doesn't give me much space to think.
I wait for the bus, along with a few other people. I'm on a big road, cars speed by. I stare at each and every one, almost longing to walk into them.
The bus comes, and I get on. Every other student from school goes upstairs, which is why I hate it so much. I tend to cry a lot on the bus, so I stay downstairs in hopes of nobody seeing me.
I take a deep breath, rethinking what I'm about to do, but I shake the thought out of my head. It's my only choice, my only way to be free. I get off a few stops earlier than usual, and walk into the nearest train station. I walk around, and into the first platform I see, after all, it doesn't really matter which one I choose, my destination is going to be the same.
I look up at the board on the wall to check when the next train arrives.
2 minutes.
I take my phone out of my pocket and text him. It's a simple text, with no following explanation. Just, "I love you. And I'm sorry."
He replies almost immediately.
"What? Sorry for what? Where are you? Are you okay?"
My eyes tear up to the point where the screen becomes nothing but a blur. I wipe my eyes so I can form one last text.
"Don't worry about me. I'm fine."
I turn off my phone and slip it into my pocket. I can hear a train arriving. I take a step closer to the platform, so my toes are hanging off of the edge.
My phone falls out of my pocket as I do so. And the screen is lit up. His name is on the screen.
Slide to answer.
My hands start to shake and again, I contemplate what I am about to do.
He'll be okay without me. Everybody will. I'm doing us all a favour.
The sound of the train gets closer, and closer. I see a light approaching through the tunnel, and I know this is it. There's no going back.
I take a deep breathe, close my eyes.
"i'm fine." I whisper to myself, before stepping off of the platform.
