Our Secret (A MingPha Story)

37. Catching Up

"You did it. Good job..." Phana murmurs, taking a spot beside Boun. "They still need time to adjust to the news. Don't worry." 

Boun laughs. "I know. I'm just giving myself time to reflect. I should appear sooner. Maybe we would have avoided some heartbreaks."

"In some ways, I still blame myself. Even though I knew it was a plan, I killed your brother. I pulled the trigger. It's a turmoil that will never go away," Phana sighs, looking into the distance. "If only I were stronger enough to protect everyone." 

"Hey... Don't blame yourself for that. It was you against a group of men that raped you. Anyone would be triggered or traumatised. You did what you could do to protect yourself. That's what Kao wanted." 

"Maybe that's the thing. Everyone isn't blaming me so I am," Phana sighs sadly. "He had so many things he wanted to do after he retired, so many things he was looking forward to after he bid farewell to the underground world. He wanted to live." 

"Phana... It was his decision. Kao is a stubborn person. No one can make him do things he doesn't want, that includes sacrificing himself. What you need to do now is to move forward and live the life Kao would be proud of, happy and alive." 

Boun rounds his arm over Phana's bony structure and they both go silent as if a series of Kao flashbacks are appearing before them. Phana smiles sadly, holding back his tears. Kao was an elder brother he never had. They both promised to bond after this bundle of chaos. 

The promise that will never come true... 

"Hey, guys," a nervous voice cuts across their memories. Tommy stands a few steps behind them, clutching Beam's arm for support. 

"Hey, Tommy. We were talking about Kao," Phana smiles softly. Tommy flinches at the mention of Kao, bowing his head in guilt. Boun pats the spot beside him, giving Tommy a small smile. Beam steps forward, pulling Tommy to sit together. 

"I've been pulling Tommy to bond with everyone again," Beam begins, giving a side-eye to Win. "We have to put an end to this war. And we can't do it if we're all scattered. We need to be one in strength and in unity. So far, Earth and Ming aren't inviting a conversation." 

"You can't blame them," Boun sighs. "Earth was extremely close to Kao just as Ming is to Tommy. The betrayal impacts them more than others. I can only guess the level of pain Ming went through when he was shot by Tommy." 

Tommy bites his lip, bowing his head lower. He utters shakily. "You guys can beat me up or kill me. I will rather be in pain with everything I did." 

"And I rather suffer than hit my brother," Another shaky voice enters the conversation. Earth and Ming stand behind them. Ming has a hurtful expression while Earth furrows his eyes in pain. "I'm sorry I ignored you," Ming says softly. 

"Yeah... Brothers shouldn't leave you in the dark," Earth states calmly. "We're sorry we left you alone. You were hurting as much as us." 

Tommy shakes his head. "I put myself over everyone. I kept my plan in the dark." 

"Alright, stop! Now, everyone is trying to resurface every blame. Again, I repeat: Kao's death is not the fault of anyone. He made that decision. I knew his decision before anything happened! And I respect my brother and know he will not change his mind." 

Boun's words had everyone silent. 

"Tommy was at fault. Beam has faults. But that doesn't mean we should continue the blame. What is done is done. Earth, Ming, I know it will take time for everyone to be the same again. But we have to focus on the present and what is the priority. I just got word from my spy that Damrongsunthornchai is on the move. His delayed shipment has been completed. It will take him three days to be back in Thailand."