⊱ ❅Clouded Judgement ❅⊰ | ❆ - • A Demon Slayer Story • - ❆

Chapter 11.

I eventually concluded most of the other slayers were young and likely about as experienced as Kiseki and I, with only a handful of slayers all the way up to the nearly prestigious Kanoe ranks. Kiseki was acting particularly chatty and socially outgoing so he had no problems interacting with some of the older demon slayers that would be eating with us while lifting the spirits of the more recent, traumatised Mizunotos with his seemingly unbreakable optimism. On the other hand unfortunately, I couldn't say a word. Even eating felt like a difficult and dreadful chore, and I began to lose grip on all meaning of my actions. My heart was racing, beating violently against my chest. Maybe my brain was still digesting the news it had recently consumed, from crucial information on who I essentially had considered my own brothers identity, all the way to the tragic and sudden death of Kamiya.

It made me feel sick in the stomach remembering in what gruesome way he went out. The thought of his last breath having been drawn prematurely was like a poison on my mind, slowly spreading across my neurons to my emotions. Nothing about it was right or deserved. Kaito had nothing to blame him for, and yet he was so satisfied with having taken a fragile old mans life. What kind of monster rejoices in taking a life against one's wishes? The more I thought about it, the deeper I instinctively bit into my lips in anger. It would take them to start bleeding for even Kaoru to notice. He would gently place his hand on my tensed up shoulders, it was a comforting touch.

"..Noriyuki, why don't we both step out for a little and talk it out?"

I was quickly sucked back out of my room of overlapping thoughts. No, he was right, the chatter and crowded atmosphere was only worsening my emotional overwhelm. I was glad to be offered the chance to let myself breathe. We both left our food unfinished and left the loud butterfly mansion, as we would sit down under the cooling shadow of a blossom tree. I was not sure where to begin verbalising the sandstorm of emotions and questions brewing in me, so it was Kaoru who took the word.

"So.. tell me, what happened? You've been acting a little odd for a while now and I can't have a friend upset without atleast hearing him out."

I was a little hesitant as Kaoru acting that close to me felt a little awkward, unnatural even. Was this something I could tell him about? No. I had to tell someone. I would feel the tears rising to my face, but I didn't feel worse than before - I was relieved.

"..I'm sorry, it's just- just a lot happened and it all happened at once and I don't know who to talk to anymore because everything I was holding onto is falling apart and I-"

I lost control over the words that my tongue had in store. It would all spill out like a barrel being emptied, but it felt good to get it off my chest. The downside was that I could barely be understood between my tears.

"K-Kamiya told me about my real father, and he died and- fuck, he had no reason to die-! A-and that Kaito guy showed up and killed him and we ran.. Kaoru, we ran.. we didn't do anything, we just ran-"

My breathing became fast and uncontrollably intense, I could just barely hold my words together. I didn't know if I felt better or worse having told him, but Kaoru wasn't annoyed by anything I said - he was eager to listen to me.

"..I am very sorry to hear that, Noriyuki, you and Kiseki shouldn't have been put through any of that.. while I can't make it better for two of you, I can at the very least be there for you both."

His grip on my shoulder softened a little and I could feel my limbs relax again. He'd remove his hand and wiped away the tears on my face. We would both then sit in silence. The night breeze of the butterfly mansion was a relaxing one, and I forgot why I had been upset to begin with. I could have stayed there forever, I really could have. But Kaoru took the word once more, this time a little more unsure.

"So, you said you found out about your father, right? Want to tell me about him a little?"

I nodded, as I had began trusting him a little more. It was a good feeling having someone else to talk to.

"..Apparently he was his Tsugoku and also had ties with Kaito. He told me I could use him to find out more about Kaito, but I also really want to meet him aswell."

Kaoru brightened up when he heard that might have been something he could actively help me with and expressed further interest.

"Oh? If that is so, Oyakata might be able to tell you. He remembers every slayer, dead or alive. Do you know the name atleast?"

"Yes. Dazai Fubukime."

Kaoru would let out a sudden and loud puff from his mouth, his breath nearly shaking in incredulity. Luckily despite his odd initial reaction, he just as easily calmed down again. However something had changed in him, something about the way he acted around me from that point on felt off.

"Good. We'll talk to him about it."

He replied in a much colder and distanced tone, his initial intentions of comforting me coming across as a chore to him. Understandable, of course.

"Do you feel ready to come back to your peers?"
He then asked me in a halfhearted attempt to dial back on that sudden negativity. I hesitantly nodded, all the troubles storming inside my mind had mostly been cleared.

"Good, you'd make yourself look bad otherwise. You're a man, no?"

He joked, but I couldn't tell wether he was serious or not. No, showing my vulnerability to my colleagues was indeed a bad look on me. But regardless of his words effect on me, I did not wish to continue the meal with everyone else.

"..Actually, is it good with you if I just go to sleep? It's been a rough day-"
"No need to excuse yourself, rest at whatever time you wish to."

His words became soft and relieving to me again, if not even soothing that late into the night. I felt understood and heard after a long time, a feeling I never had with Kiseki despite our deep bond.