He wanted to die. He wanted it all to be over. He didn't know that there were so many people out there that cared about him. He didn't know that I loved him. As he stood there over that balcony... I was there.
"What do you think you're doing, Chris?" I asked, walking onto the deck.
It startled him, causing him to gasp. "Just stay away from me, Em. I'm not turning back this time. Just go away!" He yelled.
I stepped closer. "Come on."
He closed his eyes and let one foot off the building. I ran up and grabbed his waist, making us both fall back. Chris sat there for a second, with me still holding onto his waist. He then yanked up, and walked away, pissed at what I had done. He turned around before going back into the building. "I could've jumped. I could've fucking jumped. But you had to come and save me. AGAIN."
That wasn't the first time Chris tried to kill himself. He tried all the time. But for some reason, I always caught him before he did it. I'd always calmly convince him to quit. He'd get mad, and storm off.
I slowly got up and went back inside. Back to my family's apartment. Chris always came over to sit on the edge of the balcony. He'd never talk to me, though. He'd just knock until I answered, and walk straight through the back door, not even saying hi to me. It never bothered me much... But I was always dying to have a conversation with him. I wanted to get to know him.
Chris was also always over to hang out with my brother, Teddy. Sometimes him, Gordie, and Vern would all come over and spend the night. It's crazy because Teddy and I shared such a small room. But somehow, they all managed. I'd get mad sometimes, though. It wasn't fair that I'd be trying to sleep, and they'd be up laughing all night.
I never told anyone about Chris's suicide attempts. I was afraid to. I guess I always knew that he was never going to actually do it... Though there were many times I was sure I needed to tell someone.
Chris was spending the night that night. I hated when he spent the night because him and Teddy ate all the food when they were together.
"Can we watch something else for once?" I asked. "Oh come on. This is only on for a few more minutes." Teddy said. "Ugh... Alright." I said. "And just because Chris is here doesn't mean you can slack on the dishes and shit. Mom said you need to step it up."
I acted like I hated Chris, most of the time. But at night when he'd go outside, and stand on the edge of the balcony, It'd be like I was a completely different person. I'd help.
Teddy finally handed me the remote, and they went to our room. I hoped to be getting to bed soon, so they'd better not be loud.
When I got tired, I went to our room and laid in bed. The boys were both sitting on Teddy's side of the room playing cards in his bed. "Look, I don't really care if you guys smoke, but I trying to get some sleep. Open the window or something." I said. Chris laughed, and came over and blew the smoke in my face. I was pissed, but just turned over and went to sleep.
I heard the back door open at about 3 in morning. I was guessing it was Chris. He always went outside at night if he slept over. I looked out the window and saw that it was him. I didn't worry too much, he was only sitting in a chair looking at the stars, so he wasn't gonna do any harm to himself. I went back to sleep.
I woke up again an hour later and found that Chris still wasn't in Teddy's bed. Teddy was sound asleep on the floor, and didn't even realize that Chris was gone. I looked out the window again. Chris was sitting feet first over the deck, looking like he was ready to jump. I got up, grabbed a cigarette and lighter, and headed outside. "Here." I said, handing it to him. "Come on, talk to me. What's going on?" He lit the cigarette. "I-I don't want to go back... Back home." He said. "Why?" I asked. He got teary-eyed. "Chris, what's going on at home?" He threw the cigarette over the balcony, and went back inside to bed.
