The Group

Chapter three: Trust

We sit back down where we were in Allie's room, and her and Dee immediately start whispering to each other. Well, it's more like Allie whispering to Dee, and Dee laughing every now and then. "G-guys? You don't have to whisper, it's just us." I say. "I don't trust you to not tell anyone." Retorts Allie. Trust. That's a word she throws around a lot. Mick, I don't trust you to borrow my pencil. Mick, I don't trust you to return my book. Mick, I don't trust you. Mick, I don't trust you. MICK, I DONT TRUST YOU!! Her voice gets louder and louder in my head, and it's almost like I have PTSD or something. I've heard those words too many times, and I throw myself out of the chair, and start crying. I don't know why, but I do. The only friends I have are so mean to me, and I don't want this to be like the other guys I hung out with in 5th grade. Those guys started too much drama, which is why I left to be with these people. It's on and off, constantly. Mick, shut up. Mick, wanna come over? Mick, I hate you. Mick, why do you think I hate you? God, I can't take this shit anymore!

"Micky, you good?" Dee says. Dee has always cared about me like this, but likes to change herself to stay friends with Allie. "Why are you crying?" All I can do is sit back in the chair, and put my face in my hands. "Is it what I said?" says Allie. Yes, it is hers, but part of it is me. There's a reason why she doesn't trust me. At school, I've been known as the class clown, the goofball, the faggot, the dick, the jerk, the tool, and so many more negative things. I'm obnoxious as fuck, and I'm annoying, too. I can't attend one period without mouthing off. And the truth is, I wanna stop. I would KILL to be able to shut my damn mouth for once. But I can't control it. The words keep spewing out, and I have no control. Maybe I have ADHD.

"Hey," Allie says, tilting my head up, "I'm sorry about what I said, okay?" The ways she says it, it sounds almost genuine. Whenever Allie Vice apologizes, the next day, she's right back to it. But, I decide to accept her apology, as usual, and hope for the best. "Dude," Dee starts to say softly, "What's wrong?" "Trust." I say, nearly emotionless, trying to hold the tears back, "Trust is the only thing that binds the friend group, isn't it? Trust controls our actions. Trust can kill. Trust, Allie, can hurt." "Yeah, dumb fuckin' trust." she says as she bends down, as if to patronize me. See what I said? Allie Vice is NEVER genuine. She can be a good person, and she can care about people, but a lot of it is because I won't keep my mouth shut.

Mom comes and picks me up about an hour later. "So," she says as she buckles her seatbelt, "How'd your day go?" I wish I coud tell her the truth, but she wouldn't understand. As if anyone could understand. "Fine." I mumble. "Alright, then." She says, and then starts the car. The tires slowly begin to shift, rolling against the gravel driveway as we back out. We drive down the highway for about 15 minutes, until we pull in to our driveway.