FINDING MR WRONG (B1)

Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

   Later that evening, after a few unrequested shots, I'm feeling the buzz as we're walking towards the taxi rank. I was surprised to be enjoying it. It's not something I'd do all the time. Hell, if ever. But it was fun all the same. I can't remember the last time I had this much fun. It's been so long. Since the day of my eighteenth birthday, everything in my life has changed. Yet while I think about it, it was probably for the better. Think about it, my life before was pretty, nonexistent.
My parents practically smothered me to where I wasn't, allowed to talk to boys, and everything was a sin. Trust me, I was barely lucky to keep Karah as my friend. Since that day, I realised just how shit my life was. Yes, it was safe, and I didn't know what love truly was, or even heartbreak for that matter. Now I've probably experienced more in these three years than anyone would in a decade. I've kinda lived a lifetime of pain and a lot of loss. Yet in spite of it all, since I began the healing process, I've become a much stronger version of myself. Through my experience, I've become more independent. Hell, even happier. I'm not at full capacity, but with healing every day, I'm not where I once used to be.
There's only one other wonderful thing to come out of all that pain, my baby. Right now, he's the only good thing in my life. I'm more than happy with that too. Yet Karah was right. I am kinda lonely, especially at night. Knowing I've only my baby to give my morning kisses, love and time too. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby. He's my life. Only, I'm kinda lonely. And the thought of never experiencing the feeling of a man's touch again, it's sad. Yeah I know I don't need a man for this, but I don't know. I guess I just want to experience it. You know?
When Cade touched me for the first time, I loved it. Then after a time, it's all I ever wanted, just to be touched. I loved the closeness, along with the feel of his body pressed against mine. I loved being in love. I loved the idea of spending my life like that, doing that for the rest of our lives. I loved the thought of growing old together; only ever wanting one person to love unconditionally.
I guess I can do that for myself. I guess learning self-love is the way to go right now. If I can love myself first, then maybe Mr Right will finally find me and see my worth.

"What are you doing?" Karah asked while I stand outside a building.
"Jo, the music stores closed. You can come back tomorrow when it's open." She said with a giggle.
I rolled my eyes, knowing full well it's closed. I tell her this too, and again she asked why I'm standing here. I don't tell her of course. I told her I'm just hungry.
Karah's response was, "Of course you are. You're drunk. It's what happens at the end of a great drink-infested night. Come on, it's munch time."

***

Much later that night...
   After Karah dropped me off at home in a taxi, and she headed home to her place. She left me once again with my drunken thoughts. It's never a good thing.
After leaving the King's Music store, we hit the nearest takeaway and ordered our food. Only, all I thought about was him. The man whose number I'm staring at right now, along with his name. It's a good, strong name, one I test on my lips.

"Kingsman - Aiden Kingsman."

Even saying his name, sends shivers over my body. Lord, it's good shivers too. Yet it might be the drink I've consumed tonight. No idea why, but I tap his number into my phone. I won't call him. God, no. I'm far too drunk for that. No. I'm just looking at it, I'm not even sure I've typed it in right, but I'm looking at it. Seeing his name on my phone feels weird... like good weird though. It looks good there. Only, like those shivers, it could just be my drunken mind telling me this. The crazy part though is that Cade's number is sitting right under Aiden's. I wonder if he's sleeping, or if he's looking at his phone, thinking of me.
The crazier part is that I've done this a lot. I've stared at his number for months now, just contemplating on calling, but I don't, I never call. Trust me, fear, rejection and getting hurt again always get in my way. I don't understand why though. All I've done was think of him, so why can't I just go for it? Why can't I tell him I'd like to try this, whatever this is? It's obvious there's something there. Otherwise, why else would I still be thinking of him this way?