Hermione's plight

Lies

All Hermione wanted to do was look for her old diaries. She stopped writing a diary after being freed from her petrification. She couldn't bring herself to write again. She had a bad feeling back then and that feeling verified itself.

There was something she wanted to check in her different diaries. She knows that they are in the attic, it's where all the old stuff stays to gather dust.

But she can't believe what she found instead...

She goes up the ladder and opens the trap door, her brown eyes scan her surroundings quickly before she goes all the way up. She walks over to the many scattered boxes and decides to start her search there, not any wiser about how much her life would change, or how much she would hate herself. Even more than she already did.

Oblivious, she continues to rummage through box after box. Discarding notebook after notebook, none of them are hers anyway.

She sighs, she should've known that finding her diaries wouldn't be as easy as she initially thought. She feels stupid for thinking it would be simple. Life will never be simple, no matter what.

She presses her lips to a thin line, she was supposed to get Diggory to like her but she doesn't want to. Hermione doesn't like the idea one bit, she may have gone along with it just for the sake of getting Harry out of the way. But when did she start wanting to do that? Harry has never done anything to her, he was only ever kind to her and what does her bitch ass self do?! She fucking goes behind his back!

She's an awful person, isn't she?

Hermione furiously wipes at her eyes. She hates herself for what she is doing but something else inside her is proud of what is going on. Is a person supposed to be conflicted in that way? Most of the time Hermione doesn't feel like herself. Like she isn't fully in control of herself, but that is ridiculous, isn't it?

Why is she questioning this? What she is doing is for the greater good. Yes, she hasn't been doing anything wrong. She just wants people like her, muggleborn magicals, to get a chance to be themselves. She wants to bring magic to the world and share it with the muggles as well. All that bad blood should stay in the past where it belongs. All those horrible purebloods are in the way and need to be silenced before. And for that, the beacon of hope must burn out. Harry has to kill Voldemort and put an end to the war.

But that plan is all in shambles since last year. Harry has been so cold with her, so distant. And Hermione can't help but feel like it's her fault. She knows what horrible a person she is. She even disgusts herself. If Hermione had to choose one person to kill for what they have done, she would choose herself.

Thinking back now, she is relieved that she declined the offer to steal from the Potter vaults, she is too prideful to stoop that low and in a way she looks down on the Weasleys involved in that fraud. If she is going down, then she hopes that her sentence won't be as harsh as it could be.

She rubs her temples at the blooming headache.

She's now looking through the fifth or even seventh box and still nothing of her diaries. She picks up a red folder. She's about to disregard it and put it on the pile of books and notebooks. But something catches her attention just in time. It's subtle, but it's there. Undoubtedly, it's magic. But this folder isn't hers! Why is a magical object in her home?

Her brows furrow and she places the folder on the side to take it downstairs into her room. She continues searching and it takes her about twenty more minutes before she finds what she initially came for. She gets back to her feet and organises the mess she made before. Then she cautiously picks up the red folder. For all she knows this could be a cursed object. She isn't willing to take any chances.