Feelings (Harry Styles x Gerard Way)

6 - Don't Tell A Soul

Harry's POV

I woke up and felt the warmth of someone's arms around me. When my mind went into more focus I remembered the events of last night. At this recollection, I smiled and then laughed a little bit. I snuggled up a bit closer to Gerard. His embrace was so comforting and warm.

After a bit, my thoughts started to race. This is so wrong. I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I let that happen and I can't believe it felt so good. What does this mean? I feel so good in Gerard's embrace and it pains me to leave it but I know that if I don't, I will feel worse. 

I got up from my bed leaving Gerard still asleep and I went to go eat breakfast on the first floor to clear my head. I sat at a table and focused on my blueberry muffins and tried to block out the surrounding angst in my head. When I was done, I went back to the hotel room to get ready for today's rehearsals. I walked in and saw Gerard sitting on my bed smiling. I had never seen him smile this hard before. This made me feel guilty for what I was about to tell him.

"Hey baby." He said to me.

"Hey...."

He saw me pause and asked "Whats wrong, Harry?"

"I just... I think... I don't think I should do this... with you."

He frowned. His radiating glow of excitement vanished.

"Oh..."

"I'm sorry I just feel so wrong and I'm scared people would all hate me if they found out..." I said in a sad and worried voice.

"Okay? Honestly fuck what they think! It feels right to me and I thought it felt right to you but if not I understand..."

"No! It did... it does... I just I'm scared. Okay? Can we just pretend it didn't happen? Please?" I asked him. I really hoped he would understand.

"Yea okay thats fine." He said in a disappointed and slightly sarcastic tone as he got up from his bed and went straight to get ready in the bathroom and shut the door. I know I had really hurt his feelings. 

I laid on my bed alone for a few minutes just thinking. My thoughts overwhelmed me and made me start to cry. I cried for about ten minutes until I saw what time it was and forced myself out of bed to get dressed for today.

I put on light blue skinny jeans, a white T-shirt, and a plain black oversized zip-up hoodie. I walked out and met my band at our tour bus. I walked in and sat on a side by the window without saying anything. I just waved to them and then sat alone.

They wrapped up their seemingly interesting and exciting conversation and sat down on the seats. The driver started moving.

"Harry, are you alright? You look sad," Louis asked me as I stared out the window. My mind took a second to refocus out of my thoughts before I responded. As soon as my brain processed the question, I immediately put on a fake reassuring smile and said "Yes of course! I'm just a little bit tired since we stayed up late."

"Oh yea. Makes sense. I am too." 

After a few minutes, we arrived. As soon as I got there, Anna called me for my lesson. The singing lesson was long and tiring which was a great distraction from my current mental state. It finished and then I walked out to sit down in the seating area. When I came out, I saw Gerard sitting in one of the seats by the door. I sat down next to him. 

"Hey Harry."

"Hey..."

I laid back in my chair and went deep into my thoughts for a minute until Gerard spoke.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He said looking at me who was clearly in a bad mental state.

"No."

The rest of the rehearsal went by and I practiced with all of One Direction in our practice room and then on the stage. It came to the end of the day and it was time to go back to the hotel. Before I went back to my own room, I stayed in Louis' for a little bit. Niall wasn't there at the time. He was talking to Liam and Zayn in their room. As I begun walking out of Louis' room, he stopped me and asked me to sit down on his bed.