Everybody Wants to Rule the World // Frostiron

More Than A Feeling // Chapter 15

    "Maybe you're right for once in your life," Loki admitted. "I don't why I keep doing this."

    "I think it's called healing, Lokes. You're angry and sad at the same time."

    The god stared incredulously at the man. "You're not so bad, Stark."

    "Trust me, I know."

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    The moon shone in the night sky. The god of mischief sat on the edge of his bed with his hands running through his hair. He knew his powers were returning but he wasn't sure why or how to use them. It was hard to imagine a reality where he was truly happy, but this was one of the closest. That made the choice of his future so much more difficult. 

    Everybody wants to rule the world, right? He wasn't so sure anymore. His mind wandered back to just running away to Alpha Centauri with Tony. "Fuck," he cursed himself. "Stop doing that."

    No matter how hard he tried to direct his thoughts away from his warden, he found himself lost in the idea of a world where he found compassion and love. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Stark entering the room to ask him a question. "How am I supposed to be happy?" he asked after a stretch of silence.

    Tony was quiet for a moment, thinking. "If I'm being honest with you, I'm not sure. I'm figuring that out myself. I think everyone is, but I know that's not helpful. What is it that you want?"

    "I don't exactly know who I am anymore. One moment, I'm a formidable force and the next I'm battered and bruised in a cell on Asgard. I've spent months on Midgard powerless trying to gain some semblance of myself back and instead in my place I've found an entirely different person," Loki began, gesturing randomly with his hands.

    He continued, "And now I'm being vulnerable with a man whom I attempted to murder, who stood in the way of everything that I once aspired for. I think that version of me would laugh in my fucking face and say, 'How the mighty have fallen'. What a fuckin' disgrace I am. I guess what I'm saying is, I don't know what I want."

    Tony sighed, carefully considering his next words. "Yeah, I understand."

     "Is that all you have to say?"

     "What else is there?" he replied.

     "Some advice, maybe?" Loki offered.

     "Look, everytime I give you advice you lash out at me. You keep having these episodes, you're unpredictable, I don't know what to say to you. What do you want me to say?"

    "You're right, I'm sorry. It's been difficult; I think you know that though. Regardless, I'm sorry. I guess what I want you to say is, what do you want?"

    Tony grimaced slightly. "Well," he began. "I certainly love the glory of this life I've lived so far. The money, the fame, the chicks- I'll admit that. But, lately I've been doing some thinking. Maybe it has to do with all of the times you're gotten so... aggressive. I think about my past now a lot more than I used to and the things I've done."

     Tony paused for a moment. The god beside him urged, "Go on."

    "I don't want to be the figurehead of a corporation who needlessly kills civilians. I mean, what the fuck is wrong with me? I do like being considered a hero, it's damn nice, but I guess what I want is to actually be one."

    "Well said, Stark. Cheers to that."

    "Cheers."

    The two stood in silence for a moment, each contemplating what exactly in their life had led them to this moment. "Stark?" Loki said suddenly.

    "Hm?"

    "I think what I want is simply to be remembered and admired. I guess I've accomplished half of that already. When I was a bartender, I despised it. I like being noticed and standing out in a crowd. I like to be admired and adored and worshipped. It's in my nature, I presume, I am a god afterall- the thing legends are built upon. You've heard the tales, in every one I am a villain. That's memorable, yes, but admirable? No one accept my oaf of a brother and my deceased mother would admire a wretch like me."

    "That's not true. I'm sure lots of creepy little kids admire you tons," Stark quipped.

    "I'm being serious, Anthony."

    Even though the god had used his full name many times to grate on him, now the use of it caused Tony's voice to catch in his throat. "Uh, yeah. Well, it's still not true."

    Puzzled, the god looked directly into Tony's face, locking eyes. "I don't believe you."

    Suddenly panicked, Tony scrambled to change the subject, but further embarrassed himself. "When you were drunk earlier you kissed me."

     Loki was immediately taken aback, instinctively pushing himself away from the other man. "Shit, I did? Fuck. Oh gods."

    Tony's panic matched his. "You were drunk, I get it, it's fine. I'm not pissed or anything. I shouldn't have mentioned it. Not the time."

    "Are you going to send me back to Asgard with Thor?"

    "What? No!"

    The panic in the god's voice was uncharacteristic and his frantic behavior was even more odd. "I can't believe I did that."

    "Nevermind," Tony said quickly. "I'm sorry I said anything, let's get back on topic."

    However the god remained a mess. "I don't know what I was thinking if I was at all. It won't happen again."

    Without thinking Tony replied quickly, "It'd be okay if it did."

    Loki was even more taken aback, staring forward at the man in front of him before a smirk began to creep onto his lips.

    "Holy shit, Tony Stark, the fucking Avenger, has a crush on little ol' me, public enemy number one who tried to destroy his city. Holy fucking shit."