My Significant Bother - WooSan

Chapter 19

Honestly, Wooyoung isn't eavesdropping. Really, he's not. He was just coming back to the room for a moment to grab a book he needed before he returned to the library, where he'd even left things on the table with the intention of returning. Only he goes to push open the door without knocking, and he hears the raised voices inside, and... They're fighting. They're loud. He doesn't have to lean his head against the door to hear the distinct words they're saying. Which is why he doesn't feel that bad about it. If it was a conversation they were trying to keep private, they wouldn't be arguing so loud.

"-it is!" The voice is female; it has to be San's girlfriend, even if he's never heard her talk in a voice that was anything but sweet and soft. "Just tell me who the hell it is!" "It won't make a difference," San reasons. "Telling you who it was-" "Was," she repeats, cutting him off. "You're using past tense, San, but we both know it isn't. God, I can see it right now on your face. Who the hell is she? An ex-girlfriend? Is that it? You still have feelings for her, don't you?" "It's not an ex-girlfriend," San says lowly, and Wooyoung does have to lean in to hear it. But he pulls back immediately, wincing at his own actions.

"I promise you, Sarah-" "Don't lie to me, San," she snaps. "Just be honest with me for five seconds, that's all I'm asking of you!" "It's complicated." "Complicated," she repeats, and Wooyoung knows San's fucked up now. "People always say that, but it's not! Cheating isn't complicated! It's not something that just happens. It's not an accident, San! It's a bad choice. A mistake. A huge mistake, but it's not a fucking accident. It's not something uncontrollable. It's not that complicated to keep your body parts to yourself!" "I know that," San insists. "That's why I told you. You deserved to know." "What I deserve is a boyfriend that doesn't cheat on me, actually," she spits.

Wooyoung hears footsteps heading for the door, and he jumps back, eyes wide. Shit. He pulls the hood of his sweater over his head and starts walking in the opposite direction, head ducked just in case. "And stay away from me!" he hears behind him, just before a door slams. Wooyoung slowly walks down the hall. He can hear her going in the opposite direction, but when the footsteps are distant and no longer within hearing distance, he stops.

Should he give San his space? Or should he go get his stuff? He really needs that book, he thinks, and maybe a part of him wants to make sure San's okay. Even if he's still pissed at San about yesterday. Even if he's done his best to avoid looking San in the eyes since all of that went down.

Wooyoung turns on the spot and heads back to the room. He pushes inside, only to find San sitting on Wooyoung's bed, head in his hands. He looks up when Wooyoung shuts the door softly behind himself, and his eyes are wet and red-rimmed. "I, um, came to get my book," Wooyoung mumbles. "I can come back later, or-" "No, it's fine." San gets off his bed. "I'm fine," he adds. "I didn't ask," is out of his mouth before he can stop it. It's automatic, a reflexive response. He hates himself as soon as the words are out there, and San actually flinches at them, as if Wooyoung had slapped him. "No, you didn't," San says, gruff, voice thick. "Why would you care, right?"

Wooyoung leans up to grab his book from the shelf, and then he stands there, just at the end of his bed, book hanging at his side. He wants to apologize, but then, at the same time, he doesn't. What he really wants, most of all, is to not care. Because if this had happened three months ago, he wouldn't. He wouldn't give a shit if he walked into the room to find San almost crying. He would have just walked back out without giving it a single thought. But now- now he wants to wrap his arms around San. Wants to rub San's back until he no longer look so broken and defeated. And it's Wooyoung's fault, partially, why he looks like that. It takes two people to cheat on someone, and Wooyoung had as much a part in it as San did.

"I'm-" San shakes his head, and the words die in Wooyoung's throat. Slowly, San picks his way across the room, over the mess on his own side, over to Wooyoung's spotless side. Wooyoung steps back, for some reason, until he hits the edge of his dresser, but San keeps coming until he's trapping Wooyoung against it. It's rough again, whatever gentleness they'd shared the last two times gone when San's lips crash down against his own. And Wooyoung goes with it, for awhile. Just as it's instinctive to snap at San, kissing him back is an automatic response to San's lips brushing his own. But San's girlfriend just dumped him, and Wooyoung has no doubt that that is exactly why this is happening. That Wooyoung's going to be San's rebound, for now. Until he finds someone else again, and then he'll leave Wooyoung in the cold once more.

And Wooyoung is sick. He's sick of never being good enough for anyone. Sick of always being a dirty secret, never someone's first choice. Never the one they want to hold hands with, or curl up and watch movies with, or go to dinner with. Wooyoung's always the one they want behind closed doors, but Wooyoung doesn't want that anymore. He pushes San away from him. "No," he says firmly. "You can't just do that anymore." San shuffles back a step, and then another. He wipes at his mouth, eyes on the ground. "Wooyoung." It sounds like a plea, but a plea for what? "I can't do this," Wooyoung says. "You can't keep kissing me whenever you want. You can't keep- fucking with my head. I'm done. Okay? I'm done." "But-"

Wooyoung walks away. Just like he had to with Yeosang. Because if not, this would continue on for God knows how long. Until he was shattered beyond repair, all at the hands of San. And he can't handle that. He can't do that to himself. No matter how much he wants to go back and kiss San and act like it's okay, it's not. It's not. On his way out of the dorm, he stops at Yunho and Mingi's door. They're not in, so he grabs the marker hanging from the whiteboard and writes; In the library. Need you. -Woo

Wooyoung walks straight past the front desk when he gets to the library. He doesn't have it in him to nod a greeting to Nancy, like he normally does. Instead he heads for the back, for the table that he's practically claimed as his own. A few tables down, a girl is asleep with her head in a book, but he's alone aside from her and the books. Yunho and Mingi don't get there for a while, but when they do it's with snacks and... "Hongjoong?"

"We were hangin' out," Hongjoong says with a shrug. He sits in the seat right beside Wooyoung. "I'm really good at cheering people up, so I figured I'd come." "I don't think you want to cheer me up," Wooyoung admits. "It's got to do with San." "Course it does." Hongjoong shrugs again, stealing a chip from the bag that Yunho snuck in. "When San's crying on my shoulder, it's always over you. And I figure it's the same the other way around." Wooyoung frowns. "When was San crying?"

"Well, not crying," Hongjoong corrects. "He doesn't cry. He just, like, takes a lot of deep breaths and rubs at his eyes. He's too manly for tears or some shit. I don't know. All I do know is I've never seen such a fucked up relationship in my life, to be honest." "Same," Yunho puts in. "You two are the biggest mess." "I hate to agree," Mingi says, "but it's kind of the truth." "It wasn't a relationship," Wooyoung denies. "And whatever it was- I called it off this time. San didn't have to. After last night... that was the last time. I'm done with it."

"Last night?" Yunho demands. "What happened last night? Why wasn't I informed immediately?" "Uh, Wooyoung came in when San was with his girlfriend, wouldn't leave, and it ended with San blowing Wooyoung. And then San said something, Wooyoung stormed out, or- I don't know, I kinda tune out whatever he says when he mentions Wooyoung's name anymore," Hongjoong says sheepishly. "Sorry, dude, no offence to you. But there's only so many times I can hear 'I hate him, Hongjoong. He's so attractive and smart and down to earth and he looks so hot in his glasses but I really hate him'."

Wooyoung blinks in surprise. He snatches the bag of chips away from Hongjoong when he reaches for it casually, as if what he just said wasn't a big deal. "He said that?" he demands. "San- he said those things?" "Uh, yeah." Hongjoong snatches the chips back. "The guy, like, worships you, dude. Not that he'd admit it, but." No way. "That's not true." "Sure it's not," Hongjoong says. He rolls his eyes. "It's like talking to a brick wall of denial with both of you." "It really is," Yunho says. "They're so oblivious to their own feelings."

"I'm right here," Wooyoung reminds him. Yunho throws a chip at him. "I know. Get a clue." Wooyoung ignores him. And he thinks Hongjoong has it twisted. San doesn't think that way of him. Wooyoung would know.

"So, are you two dating?" Hongjoong asks Yunho and Mingi. The two of them exchange a look before bursting into laughter. Wooyoung tunes them out, too busy wondering about San, and what Hongjoong said. And thinking that Hongjoong's so, so wrong, but how much he wishes Hongjoong was right.