Scattered Words [Larry Stylinson]

Chapter Three

The anger doesn’t fade as quickly as the hangover does. His heart is not kind as his stomach. It’s 7:00 AM and Louis is done with puking his guts out and yet his stomach is the kind one cause his heart is in a cruel mess. He ponders if he should shower or not because sitting on the bathroom floor is really tempting right now. He sits there waiting for the alcohol to be drained out of his system just to make sure that it wasn’t the alcohol that ended his not so official relationship with Harry.

His eyes are stinging because he sorts of regrets it. The image is still so fresh in his memory. How Nick leans in, covers Harry’s face with his. He doesn’t look long enough to know what’s going to happen next. He just drinks a couple of shots, avoids Harry’s eyes and let the two give him a ride home.

Everything else is a blur after that. Harry following him, trying to understand what’s wrong, him snatching Harry’s notebook away, Harry texting him about how he does not know what Louis is upset about and how Louis is selfish and childish for not confronting him of what is really going on.

There is a tiny part in Louis that wants to hate Harry because Harry might give him a lot of his time, but he does not include him in his private life, does not address their relationship, flashes an ex boyfriend in his face and then kisses him right in front of Louis, not that Louis saw it.  And then he dares to pretends that he doesn’t know what went wrong. Louis can’t hate him, because Harry didn’t really lead him on. He never said they were exclusive or anything but it all pointed in that direction.

It’s not the alcohol that ended this relationship. Because Louis is sober now and he can feel his vibration in his pocket but does not reach for it. His phone has been on vibration a week after he met Harry. It was sort of Louis’s way of  trying to understand Harry’s life more. He sort of thought that if he gave away hearing ringtones, the world would be kinder to him and let him keep Harry. But Harry was never his to keep. Harry might not be Nick’s but Harry is defiantly not his.

Every vibration is like a knife cutting through his flesh. He ponders wether he is in pain because he is ignoring Harry or because of his sudden realization of what their relationship really is like. Either ways he is in pain because of Harry. Maybe love isn’t meant for Louis. Both of his parents got divorced twice. Louis never maintained a relationship for longer than a week. The three months he spent with Harry were a record, but then he wasn’t sure it was a relationship to Harry as much as it was to him.

Overthinking it wouldn’t change a thing. He gets up, takes a quick shower and forces a can of beer down his throat because coffee doesn’t do it and he needs beer to stop him from thinking long enough to get over Harry Styles. He deletes the texts without reading them, because they’ll make him weak and they’ll make him crawl back to Harry. They’ll make him run to his side and watch Harry being everything but his. He doesn’t want that. He truly wants Harry to be Happy but he wants to save what’s left of his heart as well.

The first three days there is knocking on his door and he knows that it’s Harry because he is never answers no matter how many times he asked “who is it” or  told them to “fuck off”. On these days Louis leaves through the window and spends his time with a girl named Amy, only because she refuses to give up the sofa at Stanley’s bar to him so they agree to share it. She is not a bad company, but she is not Harry either.

Louis doesn’t stay the fourth day to see if there will be knocking but he doesn’t think there will be any. He sort of runs away on the fourth day because the knocking on the 3rd day was not as loud as the days before and he feels like he is standing on an edge because that means that Harry is giving up on him. So he gather his things and spends the week with his family so he won’t sit all the day in the apartment and wait for the knocking.