I wake up with 2 strong arms around me. I look up to see that Charles is already awake. "Morning." he says. "Goodmorning." I say thinking back to yesterday. He pulls me closer and kisses my head. "We'll get through it together don't worry." he says and I nod. He gets up to make breakfast and I roll over to open the blinds. I see the sea and remember the good memories I had with Liz there. I start to tear up again and keep staring at the waves. I hear Charles walking in and turn my head. "Flashbacks?" he says as he sits down next to me. I nod and he pulls me in for a hug. "Breakfast is ready." he says and lets go of me. "You also have some guests." he says and I nod. I change into some comfy clothes and walk downstairs. I see Pierre, Lando, Daniel, and Luisinha. I give them a small smile and thank Charles for making me breakfast. I take my plate and drop on the couch. I eat it while everyone sits in silence. After I'm done eating I look at the time and walk upstairs straight toward Liz's bedroom. I walk in and turn on the light just to remember she's not laying in her bed. I sigh and turn around, close the door and walk to my room. I sit in my window and grab some paper and a pencil. I start drawing the sea while thinking about Liz.
Multiple hours pass and I'm still not loving what I made. I sigh, throw my drawing on my desk, and turn on the shower. I take a 30-minute shower and walk downstairs. I see Charles sitting on the couch calling with someone. I sit down next to him and make myself comfortable. I see Luisinha, Lando, Pierre, and Daniel sitting in the garden and I stand up. I open the glass doors and sit down next to Pierre. "How are you doing?" Daniel asks and I look at him. "Shitty." I reply and he nods. "You'll get through it, your stronger than the struggles you face, like always." he says and I give him a thankful smile.
I miss Liz, I want her back and I know that's not possible but still. It's so hard for me to accept she's gone. I don't want to be in pain for months if it doesn't turn into years, but I also don't want to turn into some stone-cold bitch who has no feelings. My friends don't deserve that. I got to figure this out myself, with no opinions around me or people who always think they know better but that's so difficult. How the heck do you deal with grief?
A whole week has passed and I spend most of my time, looking for a way out. A way out of this horrible time in my life. Charles was there every day to help me get on but it's almost race weekend so he needs to focus on that. I also spend some time alone. "Rose, I have a surprise!" Charles says as he walks inside the living room, I'm sitting on my couch with the remote in my hand scrolling through Netflix for a new show to watch. "My mom is coming to visit for a few days and she wants to spend some time with you, to get you out of your bubble." he says with a smile. I turn my head and look at him. "Why is your mom so kind? I wish I had a mom like yours." I reply and he jumps on the couch next to me. "I thought you and your mom were good?" he asks. "Where better than me and my dad but you know they were always busy with Daniel, I was always in the background and they had almost no time for me which was hard, but I got used to it growing up." I say and he looks at me. "Well then it's good that my mom loves everyone, so she will love you." he says with a small smile. "Mom's never like me." I say. "That's not true, everyone likes you!" he says and I give him an I-don't-agree-but-I-am-to-tired-to-argue look and he laughs. "Ugh, I just need to do something but I don't have any motivation and I hate it." I say and he nods. "You want to come with me to the track?" he asks and I turn off the tv. "Yes, if I get past the paparazzi without crying." I say.
We arrive at the track 20 minutes later and I see all the cameras which blow my little hope of not being spotted away. "Come on." Charles says and he puts my hood over my head and grabs my hand. "Rose! How are you doing after the death of your daughter?" somebody says and I look at Charles. "It's okay, just keep walking, follow me keep your head down." he says but more people start to ask horrible questions. Tears start streaming down my face. Then out of nowhere, Lando, Pierre, Daniel, Lewis, Carlos, Mick, and George come walking toward us, Lewis is a bit angry from all the questions, so he starts arguing with the paparazzi which gives him all the attention. The rest of the boys get me safe into the Ferrari pit. I thank everyone and they get back to work. "Are you okay dear?" I hear a woman ask as I sit down. I look up and see Charles's mom standing in front of me. "Yes, I think so. Rose, nice to meet you." I say as I shake her hand. "Pascale." we have a little chat and I spend the whole day inside the pit, not wanting to show my face to the world just yet.
I go home to an empty house because Charles is showing his mom around the city. I decide I need to pick up work again and look into auditions for upcoming movies. I put my favorite playlist on and make a list of roles that I would like to play. I've never been difficult in adapting to a role. I like stepping into a new world with a new personality and just being someone else for a few hours each day. I e-mail the companies and have a quick call with Jessica. "You do you girl, you always shine as the main character." she says and I laugh, "Thanks, Jess. Look I have to go can you maybe come around tomorrow?" I ask. "Yes, of course, I would love to!" "Great see you tomorrow then." I say and hang up. I then post a new picture on my Instagram since I haven't posted in a while. Just a cute picture of the track with a beautiful sky, I add the caption "Miss you angel." and grab my charger. I go upstairs and take a quick shower, brush my teeth and go to bed.
