Unrequited

If I'm Being Honest

If I'm being honest
You are someone who surprised me
Because, at first, you weren't someone I
thought I could miss
But now your constant place in my brain won't leave me be

If I'm being honest
I've found I trust you more than most
And I mean that sincerely even though I am not the best
Sometimes acting like a ghost

If I'm being honest
Sometimes I hate the way you make me feel
You make me want to reach out to those I've met
And remember to eat every meal

If I'm being honest
I'd do anything it takes to make you smile
I adore the way you jokingly puff your chest
I'd give anything just to sit and talk to you for a while
The way your voice sounds shakes me to my core
I try to burn your influence out of me, but you're still here
You're not mine to have, this isn't a choice anymore
But when it was I never said a word because of my fear
And if I'm being honest
It sometimes makes me want to disappear.

If I'm being honest
I hate the way I see you now
'Cause I would give every piece of me until there was nothing left
I wish I could spin back time to when your voice didn't echo so loud
When every word you said wouldn't put itself on repeat
When I didn't hear your voice in my favorite songs
When the thought of you simply passed by me
When I didn't care for you in a way that was wrong

If I'm being honest
I wish I didn't feel this way
I wish we could just be friends, nothing more, nothing less
I wish I didn't think about you everyday
There was a time, several that I should have told you
But I didn't because of how scared I was
When you grabbed my hand and held me in your arms I didn't know what to do
How do you tell someone who cares so much, that friendship is not enough
Truth be told I knew from the beginning
It was either this, or I'd lose you forever
And by no means do either keep me winning
But I'm happy for you because you found something, someone better
I wish I could be happy without starting to cry
But if I'm being honest,
Not being in love with you was the only lie