Burnout

On the Run

I'd spent some time crying in my room before Splinter walked in and took a seat beside me on my bed. I was smart enough to clean my face off when I heard steps by my room. We sat in silence for a long time before he spoke. 

"My son, what seems to be troubling you? You've been acting strangely lately, you're not yourself." How was I supposed to tell him that I didn't want to be Donnie anymore? How was I going to explain to him that I didn't want to be the tech genius and all I wanted to do was get to act like my brothers do and lay in bed all day whenever possible? "Donatello?" Oh right, I couldn't just think all day.

"I'm alright, Sensei, don't worry about me." Why was that the first thing that came to mind?

"You're not fooling anyone, now explain." I sighed, there was no way out of this. 

"I... I'm tired, Master Splinter. It's like my mind's been working too much and it's giving up on me. I can't work on inventions anymore and I haven't gotten anything done except for some weird experiments that didn't even really do anything."

"You just need to focus, Donatello, it's something you need to train your mind to do."

"It's not that simple, Sensei, I wish it was. I can usually work for days at a time without stopping on anything, but my mind's drawing a blank when it comes to this. I don't... like what I do anymore. I want to be normal."

"Just because you're a mutant doesn't mean you aren't normal."

"That's not what I mean, I want to be like Mikey and Leo and Raph, able to joke around and just have fun without having to constantly create masterpieces for everyone. I have to strategize just as much as Leo, I have to train just as much as Mikey, and I have to fight just as much as Raph, but I also have my own responsibilities too. I'm doing so much all the time and it's exhausting, Sensei. I'm burnt out and nothing's helping. All I want to do is sleep now."

"Everyone has their own responsibilities based on what they are capable of. Leonardo feels pressure from being leader, Raphael feels pressure from having to be the main one in combat, especially when someone else is busy, and Michelangelo feels pressure from being the youngest and having to keep up with the rest of you. You are allowing yourself to become selfish and lazy, Donatello, instead of keeping your brothers in mind. You'll continue with your normal responsibilities and work on your attitude."

"But-"

"Yame!"

"Hai, Sensei..." He swiftly left the room, leaving me to fester in my thoughts. Was I really just being selfish and lazy, or was it that he just didn't understand what I was trying to tell him? Was I really exhausted or was I just making excuses? Burning tears streaked my face again, it was humiliating to be crying all the time. I wished I could disappear, but not stop existing. It was so stupid that I was crying, it wasn't fair that I was acting like this to everyone else. I dried my tears and forced it all down before rejoining my brothers, who were all staring at me. It was obvious that they'd heard Sensei yell at me, which was exactly what I needed. My sarcasm might need work. I walked past my t-phone and went up to the punching bag, then started training with it. I fought it like I was fighting for my life and the lives of everyone I care about, except without my staff. I was angry that I couldn't defend myself from my own family and that I was weaker than everyone else, I was mad that everyone else could take advantage of me, and I was livid that no one understood what it was like to be me because none of the rest of my family could do what I did. 

"Hey, dude? I think you got it." Mikey pointed at the punching bag, showing me that I'd broken it and punched a hole through it. 

"Oh..." I picked it up. "I'll go fix it." I wasn't going to take any chances with interacting with them, so I tried to leave before they could talk to me, but I felt someone grab my arm.