Love at first sight

My Mind

That last comment made the tips of my finger tingle. Maybe he was... No. I could not afford to rush to such a conclusion. I was happy whith where i was in life and i didn't want to ruin our friendship. It would be too Hard on me. Saturday came and i was feeling really anxious. For Nicholas it was just a casual thing, but to me it seemed like a date. I wanted to look my best. I also anted to match Nicholas style. He usually wore jeans and oversized t-shirts and a leatjer jacket or an oversized coat, if it was too cold outside. So today i had to go with a bell bottom jean and a white t shirt. I didn't own a leather jacket, but i did my best to find the most suitable coat.
Outside was chilly, because it was Octomber. I really wished i could find someone to spent Christmas with. I knew Something like that would be impossible for me. I always strugled with other people that i saw romanticaly. I really wnated for that to change with Nicholas,but i think he was really into Elena. I wasn't going to argue. All these thought in my head subsided when i saw him waving to my direction. He was dressed more formal than he ever did and i was starting to think if this was a special ocassion.
"you are late."
" Sorry. I forgot my wallet and had to return back."
" I made a reservation to a near by restaurant"
" What? Why? Aren't those kind of restaurants expensive?"
" Not exactly. Don't worry, though. It's my treat."
" Do you have birthday or Something?"
" No. I was just really bored and i had to do Something adventurous."
" Uh, alright then. But since i brought it up, when is your birthday? "
" On Fabruary 1st."
" Cool."
"Hpw about you?"
" My birthday is on june 27th."
We finally reached our destination. The palace that he made the reservation was really extravagant. A big place, whith plants hanging from the seilling and vintage tables. It must cost a fortune to get a table, i thought.
" Do you like it? "
" Yes. It is an amazing and beutifull place."
" We should come here more often, then."
" Yes i agree."
" Maybe Elena would likeot here too."
" So you are serious about this? About her?"
" I mean i think so."
We ate in silence. In my mind i thought over and over about the comment that had escaped Nicholas's lips yesterday. And i spoke without thinking.
" Er... I wanted to ask... What did you ment yesterday? "
" Whith what? "
" You said it wouldn't have to be a girl. The one i date. What did you mean by that?"
" Nothing in particular. You just haven't told me about your self yet."
So he implied that it was my fault. Why had it always to be my fault? And when everyone knew, they were getting away, like scared cats. That wasn't my fault. Or maybe it was? I felt trapped inside of me. My mind was a mess. Whatever i did, i was not good enough. Thats why i stopped doing anything. I wanted to escape and i did that by hiding. Now it was like that. Nicholas was just a dream that faded with the rise of the sun.
We paid for the dishes and went on a brief walk. He didn't spoke again after we left from the restaurant. I was getting sad and bored at the same time. In one hand, i was sad i was wasting my time and dreams on him. On the other hand, as friends we weren't doing much. He seemed like an introvert with me. It pained me.
I thanked him for the amazing afternoon that we had and finally we bid our good byes. My night was filled with dreams of him. He was teasing me, touching me in places no one had ever touch. And i felt excited. I felt loved.If only i could be this happy in my daily life too. If only i had the courage to say it out loud.