This doesn't feel like the right place.
I do this because it wants.
Do I really want to do this or it's just part of it manipulation?
Does it really matters?
Do I really matter?
Is this REAL?
Is ANYTHING of this real?
Am I even real?
I lost my mind. Again.
It's not that bad, or it's just manipulation? It really wants me or it just likes to play with me?
I'm not that bad as I thought, or i just say this because it wants to make us believe that all it's good? There are good things, but what about the bad things?
I don't know if I like to be a puppet, am I really a puppet? Yes I am.
My head hurts.
My ears are burning.
My head is spinning, I don’t know what to do anymore.
I want? No, I have to do what it wants. I'm sorry master, I will make my mask.
Do you wanted it of pine oak, right? I remember.
Yes, I know, I can do it of what I want..
Would you like it of pine wood?
Yes, I like that material, don't you?
...
I will tell them, we are the only ones who stayed after everything.
...
I will not.
Do I?
I am not.
Yes, I will, I will, don't be mad at me.
...
No one's knows who you really are.
I do.
Haha, I'm joking, I do not. But, in a concerned way, I do more than the others.
But we are still being like kids, are we really kids?
It's just manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation manipulation.
Or it's not?
Haha.
Hahaha.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
I have to make my mask, it will be pine wood! I like that material. Yes I do!
I will show it in a few moments.
...
Haha, I don't have it yet! I will show I will show I will...
...
Not.
Haha.
Is this just manipulation? I have to look everything in everywhere.
I.
Have.
To.
Look.
...
I have to watch.
...
Do I really want to stay? Do I really want or I'm just being manipulated?
...
...
...
...
I can't do anything.
I can't do anything.
I can't.
I have to do what it wants.
At least I'm still alive, right?
Haha, sometimes I wanna die.
...
What if it knew what was going to happen? What if it knew that everyone was going to leave and it treated us well so that we would stay and think that everything is okay with it and is not what they say so that we do as the last one and gather more servants so that in the end when we no longer serve him we'll be discard?
I can’t do anything, it wants me to be with it, I don’t want to walk away because I don’t want to suffer for walking away, but I want to walk away because I know that as soon as I’m discarded, I’ll be nothing and I will suffer.
This is my fault.
My fault.
My fault.
My fault.
My fault.
My fault.
My fault.
My-..
...
No it isn't.
What the hell it's happening to me?!
I'm tired, tired tired tired tired and my eyes hurt.
...
Maybe it's not that bad.
But I already did thing that I didn't want.
He needs me in a thing way.
I am a puppet.
I am a puppet.
...
I am a proxy.
I accept that.
...
BUT maybe it's not THAAAAT BAAAAAAD..
...
..right?
...
Yeah, well, proxys are fine until you get useless. If you are Useless, you are NOTHING, and when it happens you will SUFFER so fucking much.
You know what I mean?
I mean depression, schizophrenia, stress, serious anxiety disorders, can make you remember traumas and make you self-harm, control your surroundings and in general your environment. How fun to wake up in the middle of the night and see a black shadow staring at you standing in the corner of your room.
Hearing voices becomes the usual, a terrible headache with a beep in your ears that does not let you hear in peace and all those nightmares that do not let you rest. It becomes normal to wake up at three in the morning for no reason and have attacks constantly, you feel thousands of eyes around you because they observe you, you know they observe you know because it is there. You know you can't even breathe without having it in your head, you can't even eat, you vomit everything and you hate yourself so much, don't even knowing what reality is, everything seems to be part of your imagination and those shadows seems real at the same time, all alucinations watching you and the people you love they might hate you, watching every morning a dismembered dead body on the floor.
But you can't do anything against that, so, accept it, accept that your life will never be the same, accept it, just accept it, it will be better.
It's not that bad until you get useless or you just want to go away for a week or something.
You can't go.
You CAN'T go.
Accept it.
It's bad, really is.
But it's not that bad until you get useless :).
