No one cares. I want to die. Who tf am I? I'm suffering. What the hell's going on? Why? Why? Why? I have been manipulated like a STUPID. I'm not gonna let that happen again. Why? Well, I CAN'T be that weak, I HAVE TO BE BETTER THAN EVERYONE you know? And- When people hear me saying that they think I'm stupid, but not because they say it to me, it's because I think the same too, I sound like a stupid, but I LITERALLY 𝙃𝘼𝙑𝙀 to be better than everyone else. People ALWAYS expect me to do things I can't, and I can't handle this, not anymore, and I'm all alone;
One person separated me to my most loved one.
For my fault a person I appreciated blocked me and I cannot talk to that person.
I HAVE to hide everything I can about me and I can't be myself with almost everyone I know.
No one talk to me because I'm annoying and stupid.
I'm bored so absolutely no one want to have any conversations with me.
And of I have any mistakes, people will let me alone, because they all have expectations and they think I'm the best, and I have to pretend I have self-esteem and think I am better than everyone because if not I'm going to be abused again and I don't want that! I fucking made promises, I fucking made myself promises, I promise to myself to not do things but I did, I even promised to myself to not being manipulated again... And guess what, here I am, serving a stupid entity who's afraid of humans.
How fun.
Haha, look how I'm laughing.
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...really I- dunno what I'm doing alive.
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Who tf is Somnus?
Anyways, guess proxy's are meant to be all alone by themselves.
I did things I tried to not.
I can't apologize myself, and if I can't even love me, who the fuck is going to?
I have a person who loves me, but I think that person is gonna hate me, I'm afraid that people hate me, but I deserve to be hated because I'm a shit of person. I hate everything I did, I hate EVERYTHING I do, I hate EVERYTHING he makes me to do.
And I can't do nothing.
I fucking need to know why I did that things I didn't wanted. I PROMISE it wasn't me. It wasn't my intention :(. I don't deserve to be here. I want what I deserve, but I don't want to die and I deserve to be dead. Dunno, maybe people would be happier without me.
Nah, but I don't wanna die or something, I just want to end this pain.
There is a person who loves me, yeah, but... Dunno, that person can't talk to me and is the only one who I can talk. And it's painful to think that I only have one person. I can literally be surrounded of people but still feeling alone, all by myself with all this pain to bear. Why can't I just be normal? Sometimes I wish to be normal, not be like... This. Being more... Dunno, happy? I have to live with everything I know and I have to live as a proxy too, I was manipulated and he is in my mind. Now I think I understand the notes. Please everyone who reads that; DO NOT work to him, please. It's fucking painful. I don't wanna die, I want to end all this fucking suffering. I can't handle with this anymore, I can't, I can't, why am I like this? I'm a fucking shit, damn I deserve to die.
Why?
Why I loose everyone?
Why I can't control myself?
Why I am not me?
Why am I like this?
Why did The Tail One makes me this?
Why can't I be better even if o try harder and harder?
Why am I an alcoholic?
Why do I want to take drugs?
Why the fuck I can't handle my problems even if they are nothing important?
Why do I always flee to my problems instead fight against them?
Why do I have to live this?
Why me?
Ignorance is happiness.
I can't fucking handle this.
I want and I NEED someone that makes me hurt, I need that someone punch me in the face, kick me in my balls or even worst, I dunno but I don't fucking care, I'm about to cut myself again and it's not funny, yesterday I had another "proxy attack" and I almost cut myself the proxy simbol onto my arm, and not just want, once I drew to myself the proxy simbol and the started to burn. I mean, that shit had been hurting a lot! And- Dunno, I want to know why I have to suffer like that- BUT IT'S NOTHING!!!
It's nothing.
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I am crazy, am I?
I'm fucking insane.
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Damn.
Intelligence it's not funny, I wish I could be normal.
Why? Just... Why?
Well, it's nothing, I'm just being dramatic, I'm happy, I'm happy.
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I have to be.
