Say Days Ago - Reboot (1995)

fifteen

Though the rain had poured down the night before, the following day wasn't an unpleasant one. The sun had come out and dried everything up again. Bert insisted on moving the bird cage outside so the budgies could get some light and fresh air, so they each took a corner and starting hauling the damn thing out into the backyard. Not much out there. Some grass, a bit of a courtyard, walls all around.

Gerard had one of those portable tape players that he brought out to jam some tunes while they just lay down out there on the grass. He wore his shades cause there was so way in hell he would expose his eyes to the light like that. Just as the tape transitioned from Lou Reed to Nirvana, Bert crawled right over Gerard for hold in the ffw button past the song. "No dead guys today."

Bert was a huge Nirvana fan, but sometimes it didn't sit well with him to hear their music after what happened the year before.

"Fair enough." G smiled and lay back down, stroking his fingers up and down Bert's arm. It was one of those quiet days. The entire morning spent just tangled up in bed with various comic books, then video games and pizza. Now... now soaking up the very last of the sun.

"How come..." Bert started but ended almost just as fast.

That shit always drives Gerard up the wall, cause now his curiosity is peaked to a mother fucker. "Yeah?"

But Bert's already shaking his head and going a little red in the face. "Nuh, it's okay", deciding to hum along to The Smiths instead.

Now Gerard is up on his elbow, leaning over with a very intrigued look. Even going as far as to drop his sunglasses to better see Bert's eyes, when they would eventually open, one by one and stare back. "Tell me."

Bert rolled his eyes, seeing that Gerard wasn't gonna let this go. He never does. So all the kid can do is let out a frustrated groan and cover his face with his hands. "You, uhh..."

"I?"

Gerard's attempt at encouraging him only resulted in a side swing of the fist to Gerard's forearm, which wasn't the most gentle of assaults. Bert huffed, "You don't really make me touch you."

Gerard was not expecting that statement at all. He looked at Bert for a moment, trying to figure out where the thought had come from. He doesn't restrict Bert. Or at least, he didn't think he did. "You do touch me though." 

Okay now the ice was broken, Bert sat up, holding his knees and actually getting serious. "Dude, you've let me jerk you off maybe 3 or 4 times. And that's when you're like really desperate to come." Out come the fingers to count down his observations, "I know you just jerk off into your pants sometimes. I know you even wait till I go home before you do. You never pull your dick out. You never take my hand and put it on you. Even though I do that with you all the time!" Bert even sounded a little upset.

"I mean..." Gerard was so fucking confused. Not only about what Bert was saying, but why he was saying it. Why in Christ's name would he randomly bring this up right now. It actually made him seriously uncomfortable. "Why the fuck would you even want me to do those things?"

"Oh my god." Bert sat there in disbelief, "You're actually fucking stupid."

Gerard didn't like that. "I just... feels kinda gnarly to like to whip out my..."

"Big dick." Bert finishes the sentence for G and the words make Gerard's face scrunch up.

"Yeah." Moving his mouth off to the side now as he looks away. He doesn't feel like he can look Bert in the eye. "Kind'a groteque and presumptuous and creepy." The absolute irony of this statement and for a brief completely aware moment, Bert saw the hypocrisy.

He lay back down and once again covered his face with his hands, "Fuck you're dumb."

Gerard felt uneasy, knowing this was a very touchy subject to be on. Actually discussing their sexual activity in this kind of technical way brings to light the actual nature of it and that wasn't something Gerard really wanted Bert to think about. However, if this one time it could lead to anything Gerard hadn't gotten yet, well... "Won't it freak you out?"

The response was quick, as Bert got up on his elbows to make sure Gerard could see in his eyes that this very moment, he thought Gerard was a motherfucking cunt. "Won't what freak me out? Your dick!?"

Gerard saw it, he definitely did but there was nothing he could do about it at this point. Plus he wanted to know. "Everything."

"You really are fucking stupid. You're an idiot." Just shaking his head. Bert wasn't really offering up much actual opinion apart from reminding Gerard just how ridiculous Bert thought he was.

Gerard was annoyed and scrambling to try and figure out what to do to make this vibe come to an end. "Jesus okay you can stop with the insults to my intelligence right now." Fiddling with his own fingers. Getting his flirt on would definitely not help right now. Not while Bert was this environmentally aware. "You know... you don't have to ask permission or wait for me to put your hands on me." Deciding to lay back down rather, speaking in a soft and defeated voice.

Even though The Cure was playing, it felt like silence after those words. Because Gerard had found the guilt trigger and Bert was crossing over into it.

Gerard doubled down, almost whispering near Bert's ear, "I know I usually wait for you to put my hands on you, or ask for things or whatever. I'm just try'na make sure you're okay. I like you being in control."

"Power bottom." Bert casually lets slip.

Gerard us stunned for a second. "A what?" he was gonna need an explanation however the only thing Bert was willing to say was, "Dude, you really need to watch more porn." rolling his eyes.

Even though Gerard wouldn't be watching any porn, ever, he would definitely be doing some research to find out what the fuck a 'power bottom' was. "Anyway, you know what I mean."

"I guess."

Okay, it was working, "So... if you want something from me or wanna do something to me or with me whatever... just... take it, dude." When was Gerard ever gonna complain about Bert laying hands on him, whether in violence or otherwise?

Maybe Bert was nervous to just reach out like that. Gerard didn't know. Perhaps he needed Gerard to take his hands at first. Even if he wanted to touch G, maybe he wasn't confident about it.

He knows how to grab kisses, tease, get attention, be the doll, the fantasy or corpse, but there was so much more to learn... and things that brew inside him lately as a result of the shift into a new phase of life.

"Cool." And that was that. He did not want to discuss it any further. "Can you go get those mangos, please?"