Afraid of the End

Everytime

Harry definitely doesn't like Louis back.

This thought always haunts him. It is true though. Why on earth would Harry like Louis? He is most definitely straight, unlike Louis.

He had always felt bad about the fact that he is gay, and still does. Why shouldn't he? It is abnormal. It is against nature. He is supposed to like women. But still, everytime he sees Harry smile, he forgets about that and just keeps string at him. Everytime he hears Harry say his name, he can't help but blush. Everytime those mesmerizing green eyes look into his, he falls deeper and deeper in love.

Though Louis was eliminated on the X factor, he got another chance. He was put into a band, One Direction, with four other boys: Niall, Liam, Zayn; and, his heart jumps at the thought, Harry. A smile forces its way across his face, and he quickly forces a frown. 

I can't like him.

I shouldn't.

I mustn't.

I can't be gay.

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Louis hasn't told any of his bandmates about his crush, not even Zayn, his bestie. He still feels bad about it, but has admitted to himself that he does, in fact like Harry. However, this is becoming a problem. Whenever the band shoots video diaries, Louis just can't keep his mind off Harry.  Be it talking to him more than the others, trying to get him to talk to him, stroking his hair, staring at him, trying to make him laugh, or making jokes about marrying him, he does it all.

Why? Why do I love him so much?

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My first real crush was...

Louis Tomlinson.

The words reverberate through his head repeatedly. Harry's words. When Liam told him about this, he was too stunned to speak. When Louis was younger, he always thought that hearing your crush say that she likes you would be the best feeling ever.

But now, as he thinks about what Harry has said, it can't be less of it. Partly because it isn't a 'she', and partly because though he saw Harry's cute little smile after he said it, he knows that Harry was joking, this does not feel anything like he assumed... and hoped.

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"Well, you made jokes about it too! In the video diaries." Harry bellows. "I just played along!"

Played with my feelings, more like.

"When I said it, it was obvious that I was joking," Louis cries. "The way you smiled idiotically has made everyone believe that I wasn't joking either and that we both are in a relationship! They're calling us Larry Stylinson!"

"So, what's wrong with that?" Harry asks, "It's just a stupid joke."

"Well, first of all... well... uh... " Louis has never been at such a loss for words.

Just a stupid joke.

His feelings are just a stupid joke to Harry. Nothing but a joke. He tries to fight the tears that are forming in his eyes, but fails as one drop escapes. Emotions can be unruly. Louis sprints towards his room as fast as he can, not wanting Harry to see him cry. 

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Louis waits. It's been thirty minutes since Simon called him. What could it possibly mean? Is it because of the Larry Stylinson thing? He shudders to think about what the management might do. They certainly won't allow Harry and him to let the fans believe that they are in a relationship, or for that matter, gay.

"Louis," he hears a familiar voice, Simon.

"Oh, hi Simon. Didn't see ya there." Louis quickly says.

"Don't act like everything's normal. The management knows." Simon utters.

There you go! Louis' worst fears come true. What now?

"You are going to get a fake girlfriend." Simon croaks.

It takes everything in Louis not to burst out laughing. The sheer audacity!

"It's not a thing to laugh about," Simon scolds. "You can't expect the management to not do anything when this happens everytime. Eleanor Calder will be here in some time." 

That's when it's not funny. It's not a joke. Management really is cruel. Eleanor is Louis' friend. She can't be his girlfriend, real or not. 

No. This can't be happening. I won't do it.

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"Fine, I will do it." Louis says, finally giving up. It's not such a bad idea, though. The fans will think that he's not gay, as will Harry.

"Great!" Simon exclaims, leaving the room.

A moment of silence passes before Eleanor says, "Well, this is kind of weird. I mean acting like we're dating is a big deal."

"El, you don't have to do this if you're not comfortable," Louis replies, feeling a little guilty.

"No," she insists. "I can handle that for a friend."

"Thanks, El."

"Anytime. You really love Harry don't you?"

"No." It sounds like a question.

She chuckles. "Obviously you do. How many times do you feel like you can't get your eyes off him?"

"Everytime."