Afraid of the End

Also Maybe

Harry wakes up to the sound of all the boys cheering loudly.

"What's happening?" he groans, rolling in his bed.

"Vas happenin'!" Zayn says, in the thirteenth octave.

"What?" Harry asks again, rubbing his eyes.

Liam speaks this time, the most solemn of them all and his gaze slightly towards Zayn, "Louis has a new girlfriend." It takes several moments to sink in, but when it does, it takes everything in Harry not to show flickers of his sadness.

"Wow," he says, gathering himself up. "That's... that's awesome, Lou. Who is it?"

"Eleanor," Louis replies. Harry is too shocked to notice that Louis' voice breaks.

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Eleanor. 

Eleanor Calder.

Louis' old friend.

Of course it's her. He's known her for like an eternity. Who else can it be? What was Harry expecting?

For Louis to love me, he admits to himself. Tears sting his eyes, but he stops them. He won't cry. Not even alone. Crying only proves that he is hopelessly in love with Louis, which he obviously is not. Leaning on the windowsill, he takes in a few deep, shaky breaths in an attempt to calm himself down.

Harry looks out the window. Normally it would fill him up with happiness and energy, but right now the blistering heat it gives off just stings his eyes, brain and skin. Harry closes the window, but doesn't feel any better. The world spins as he finds his heart throbbing. He looks at trembling hands that seem to be electric. A stream of sweat runs down his cheek as he tries not to scream at the agonizing stab of pain in his head. His legs feel weak. Grabbing a carrot to eat, he sits down slowly on a chair. The tears struggle, but fail to escape his eyes as he shuts them. Only one thought crosses his mind before he collapses.

It's ok if he's dating Eleanor. I can live without him...

Or can I?

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Breathe.

Just breathe.

Harry tells this to himself constantly whenever he sees Louis, who now, is always seen with Eleanor. He feels his chest tightening and covers it up with a cough. Liam, Zayn and Niall are there, and they might notice if anything seems wrong with Harry. He doesn't need them to be worried about him. They are already worried about the fact that he slept for fourteen hours straight last night and still feels tired, his mind going around in circles.

Louis doesn't love me. Focus. You have to sing in fifteen minutes. Breathe. Louis. Air. Pain. Eleanor. Concert. Fans. But most importantly, Louis.

"Harry," Louis' voice calls, careless yet full of concern. "Are you okay?"

Yes, everything's okay. You're not meant to be with Eleanor. I'm in love with you. I want to kill everyone but you, including myself, but I'm okay.

"Harry?"

"Guys," Liam interrupts, to Harry's relief. "Taylor Swift is here!"

"Who?" he asks.

"Taylor Swift! The singer and songwriter!"

"Okay, Liam. Calm down." Louis says. Liam's excitement annoys him all the time, and to be honest, it is a little extreme.

"Okay, time to perform," Liam says, clearly ignoring Louis.

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"Na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na, na. Na-na-na, na-na-na. Na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na, na. Na-na-na, na-na-na," the boys are singing, but Harry is lost. Niall nudges him slightly before his solo, snapping him into reality. He unintentionally catches a woman's eye in the crowd.

Oh, that's Taylor Swift.

She smiles at him and he starts, "Baby, you light up my world like nobody else. The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed. But when you smile at the ground, it ain't hard to tell. You don't know..." All of them, Harry included, sing the chorus, finish the song and exit the stage.

When Harry goes backstage, he sees Taylor Swift standing there. If he were Liam, he'd have a heart attack. 

She walks up to him and says, "Nice performance."

Harry can do nothing but smile, lost in her blue eyes, which are so similar to Louis'. His gaze moves to her lips, the same pink as Louis'. Unintentionally, he leans in towards her, and she kisses him. He kisses her back, imagining that it's Louis.

Is this what it would feel like to kiss him?

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'Red' singer, Taylor Swift is dating 'One Direction' member, Harry Styles.

All the news channels repeat the same sentence over and over again.

No.

No no no no no.

NO!

"This can't be happening," Harry says out loud. But it is happening. Right in front of his eyes.

But, maybe this is good. Nobody will know that he's gay. Nobody will know that he likes Louis... right? Maybe.

Do I want to do this though? Can I lie to him? Maybe.

Does he want Louis to know about his crush? Also maybe.