Heartbreak

To cure boredom

IMPORTANT A/N - This story will not be pure angst, only the two first chapters!! If you want to skip to the more slowburn romance storyline you can do that!!

-TRIGGER WARNING!- Depression, self hate, flashbacks, self-blame, panic attack

Kayden lay in his bed and stared at the ceiling, his heart thumping loudly in his chest. His hands where shaking in nervousness as he picked up his phone from beside him. He unlocked it quickly and clicked on the discord app, Vincent's contact was the first to come up. He could almost feel the sweat on his back as it laid against the warm bed sheets. He started typing, he had to. They would go back to school, back to their friends. None of what happened was supposed to happen and he hoped Vincent had understood that it couldn't go on forever. He wasn't ready for the school to know, or to sneak around. He could feel the tears burn behind his eyes as he swallowed, unwilling to let himself cry. It was better this way, it was the only way.

"We need to end this". The five words on his screen got his heart so sank to the floor. Vincent had been doodling mountains in his notebook as the text appeared on his phone. During the summer every discord text from Kaydenillas had given him butterflies, but this one didn't. He started to panic, it couldn't be true, Kayden was just messing with him, please let it be a joke. With trembling fingers and forced breath he answered. "What do you mean? Kayden?" He stared at the screen waiting for an answer, he saw Kayden typing and deleting multiple times before the text arrived.

"There is nothing going on between us anymore, if you want to be friends then that's okay but let's just forget this summer ever happened."  The words felt like daggers in his heart, why would he do that. "That's ridiculous, let's just talk about it Kayden cmon". Anxiety rose in his chest as he tried to remain calm and sensible. He didn't want this to end, all he wanted was to be able to continue those moments with Kayden. He wanted to feel the taller boy rest his chin on his head and feel his arms around him. Vincent shivered as he shook the feeling off, trying to distance himself and directing his focus once again to the phone. It would be okay, Kayden would talk to him and then they would solve it. That's what people do when they like each other, right?

He took a deep breath, he didn't want to. He really really didn't want to, but he would have to lie to Vincent. He needed to convince him that he had to end things, and the only way he could think of, was to lie. He hated lying, He didn't want to hurt him. He wanted him to know how much he meant to him. He couldn't do that though, could he? Not without having to either sneak around or come out to the entire school, and he didn't want to do either. "It didn't mean anything to me, you don't mean anything more to me than as a friend. I was just bored."

It was so far from the truth it was laughable, but he didn't laugh. Kayden couldn't stay in control of himself, and now tears were flowing down his cheeks. He didn't care enough to wipe them away, he just wanted to fall asleep. He wanted this horrible day to be over and maybe, tomorrow, his head would stop screaming.

Vincent almost threw his phone across his room, for a second his body tensed, filled with rage. Then, suddenly, the whole world went silent. His head stopped screaming, and at first, he thought he had continuously relaxed his aching muscles. Vincent realized that wasn't what was happening, as he tried to check his phone again, he felt paralyzed. He wanted to open his phone, and he wanted to check discord. He wanted to see that nothing had been sent on discord today. He wanted to be able to tell himself that he just woke up from a bad dream, and laugh about it with Kayden in the morning. But that wasn't the situation he was in. Kayden wasn't going to talk to him tomorrow, and he hadn't been dreaming. He was wide awake. He wasn't breathing, he released. As he took a shaky breath he regained control over his body. He turned his face into the pillow and screamed. He screamed until he was out of breath. He screamed until his voice disappeared. He screamed until he was about to pass out. Or, maybe, he did pass out. He couldn't tell. He had crawled under his blanket and let the tears flow, his head was spinning and his body was aching but he didn't notice. All he could feel was pain deep inside him, something was broken, and he didn't know how to repair it.