Brotherly bond

𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟟

ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘᴏᴠ

3 am.

I've been tossing and turning for 5 hours now.

I've never had any trouble falling asleep - until now.

Just as I made myself comfortable in the bad and turned off the lamp, foul thoughts swirled into my head.

What the hell is going on with the boys?
Why are they actively avoiding me?
Did I do something wrong?

But whenever I initiate the contact, they act normal.

What is normal though?

Maybe I am just like an annoying little sister to them?
Maybe they don't wanna bother too much?

That is possible, but it's so mean!

I let out a depressing sigh as I once again turn onto my right side.

My heart is stiff and fueled with my restless thoughts, it keeps hurting in a awfully unfixable way.

I've already taken pils.

They didn't help.

My mind won't shut down.

I feel like I am pressed down by a resentful ghost, who's got too much free time on it's hands, the obvious solution being torturing me.

But I actually wish it was a ghost.

Because then I wouldn't be thinking about two fair heads, but only about single non-existing one.

Eh.

I once again try to not move in hope of at least my body shutting down.

I read somewhere that if you don't move for 15 minutes straight, you will naturally fall asleep.

It doesn't work.

Well fuck it. I'll go to the direct source of my problems.

I exhale as I push my body to stand up.

Making my way to the door turns out to be harder than I anticipated. But it's definitely not harder than knocking on the one nezt to mine.

It's been 15 minutes of me standing with my hand raised in position for a knock.

The wall clock told me so.

I am not prepared to confront the demons. But if I don't I might not be able to get a peaceful sleep for a while.

Finally I let my chuckles softly tap on the door.

"Who's that?" Jasper's voice made me shiver.

"Y/n."

Obviously, who the fuck would it be?

"Why are you up, little bug?" the conversation continues through the door.

"I can't sleep. Can we talk?" I ask even though I already know the answer.

"It's really late, N/n. Go get some pills and we'll talk tomorrow." another familiar voice pushes me away.

"But-"

"Come on, bug, we've got whole day tomorrow. We'll talk than."

Such a clear rejection.

I am so stupid.

My head is getting cloudier while my legs keep trying to take me back to my room.

Pressing my face against the pillow, I let tears drown my sorrow.

Am I dramatic? Should I just stop? If so, how do I do it?

It's almost been a week since boys moved in.

They've kept to themselves more times than not, and while I can understand that their bond would always come first, I couldn't stop the hurt that crept under my skin.

I shouldn't expect things to go back to how they were. Time passed and we are not the kids we used to be.

I remember having movie nights every Saturday, making cookies to cheer each other up and having regular meetings under the yellow light of an old lamp we found in Mark's garage.

I remember laughing 'till we couldn't breathe, reading funny memes for each other and sleeping on the floor sprawled over each other.

My sobs aren't stopping. I am so pathetic.

Should I lower my expectations?

I wasn't there for them in their hardest times, like they were there for me. They could only rely on each other. They didn't have my shoulder to cry on, only each others.

So why can't I deal with the obvious consequences?

It hurts.

~~~

𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘!

ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛ,

'ᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᴵ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʳᵉᵃᵈᶦⁿᵍ ᶠᵘⁿⁿʸ ˢʰᶦᵗ ;D

( ˘ ³˘) ˡᵒᵗˢ ᵒᶠ ˡᵒᵛᵉ
~𝓷𝓪𝓽