Atonement

iii

She's waiting for him to speak but he's just standing there in a daze. His curious gaze is fixed on her. The intensity of his stare has always been perturbing and despite the years of not seeing or experiencing it, his eyes still makes her self-conscious just the same.

She swallows hard. Her throat feels tight. She's never been more nervous about anything than when she is in the presence of her estranged husband. Especially when he's there, watching her keenly with an unfathomable look. Still, she maintains a neutral expression, albeit the high tension, and strikes up a conversation. "Hi," she utters tentatively.

Lianne is the type of person who overawes everyone in the room with her domineering presence. However, right now turns out to be the exception for there's nothing else that she wants to do but to scurry away and hide.

Her voice seems to register something in him that makes his eyes soften imperceptibly. "You're really here," he says, almost in a whisper. His voice sounds more like he is confirming that she is actually there in the flesh rather than being relieved to see her.

She bites her bottom lip and looks down the sand. Her pent up emotions are all over the place, threatening to break free. On top of that, there are just too many questions running through her head at the same time. What does he feel seeing her again? Is he mad? Is he going to push her away and tell her he won't let her see their daughter again? She takes a deep breath. Finally, she raises her head and takes a peek at him. To her surprise, he starts walking towards her with precise, controlled movement. She stiffens and fights the urge to step back. Their eyes never leaving each other. There's no sense of resentment, only calmness in the way he approaches her, which relieves her uneasiness slightly. When he stops in front of her, she smiles wistfully. "It's been a while. How are you, Jamie?" she utters softly.

"It has," He pauses. "I thought I would never see you again." She blinks, taken aback. He speaks without any drop of venom in his voice which confounds her immensely.

Now that they are in close proximity, she gets the chance to look at his face. Motionless, she stares. Her eyes slowly trace his facial features, driven by the sense of familiarity and nostalgia. He's gwapo and she never denied that fact even before. Jamie is always clean shaven and immaculate, and that never changed. His hair though has grown longer. He used to keep a clean cut look in their younger years. The decade has made him sturdier and his eyes older and wiser, more solemn in appearance.

"I assumed you were here to see Jihan."

Her eyes flutter. She clears her throat and nods. "I apologize for coming here uninvited. I know I didn't give you a heads up but I just wanted to see her kahit sa malayuan lang."

He inclines his head in understanding, still watching her. "Kailan ka pa nakabalik?"

"Just—- uh– a couple of days ago." She cringes subtly. She's never one to use fillers in her words.

A long silence. Both of them appear to be gauging each other. She breaks the eye contact and swallows hard. 

"Would you like to talk to her?" He hesitates. 

She turns to him, her eyes widen just a fraction. "I—" Her voice wobbling slightly. She averts her eyes to the horizon and nods meekly. "Although she might not like that idea."

"Alright," he replies. She furrows her brow in question.

He turns to the direction of the venue and she follows his gaze. The hall isn't visible because they are quite far but they can hear the cacophony of music, chit chatting, and the laughter.

"I'll do something about it." He runs his thumb along his lower lip and eventually puts his hands inside his pockets. "I can arrange it but you have to give me some time. I need to find the right time to tell her."