Atonement

vii

Lianne's eyes twitch as her phone emits a loud ping beside her. Two more pings reverberate through the quiet of her room, causing her to startle awake. She squints her eyes as she checks the wall clock - It's only 5:30 am. She blinks away the remnants of sleep and fumbles for her phone, curious to see who would be messaging her so early.

Upon seeing the message notifications, she sits up almost immediately. The grogginess dissipates as she reads the name of the sender:

The Lagoon club.

 6 am. 

This is Jihan. 

A wave of emotions surges within her as she types her response. "I'll be there, anak." She takes a deep breath before hitting send, her heart pounding with anticipation.

Lianne  gracefully climbs out of bed and begins her morning routine, taking care to not disturb Jamie, who is still sound asleep on the couch. She decides to leave him be and instead, she scribbles a note and leaves it by his side before heading out.

As soon as she steps out of her casita, the crisp morning breeze envelops her in its embrace, causing her long batwing cover-up kaftan dress to dance around her body. A light drizzle still lingers in the air, and Lianne can see the remnants of last night's downpour clinging to the lush plants surrounding her, like shimmering silver beads.

Upon arriving at their meeting place, Lianne spots her daughter, sitting in a corner with a lackadaisical air about her. Her palms suddenly become clammy. She takes a deep breath before mustering up the courage to approach her daughter. Jihan appears to be engrossed in her phone and has yet to notice her mother's arrival.

"Hi," Lianne utters. She stands there, her heart races as she watches Jihan look up, her daughter's brows furrowed in greeting. She can sense a subtle change in her daughter's expression as their eyes meet, a glint of something she can't quite decipher in her eyes.

Jihan leans back in her seat, a slow smile spreading across her face. "Hello, mother." Her tone sounds rather cold and aloof that makes Lianne feel a twinge of unease. "How have you been?" 

In an instant, the atmosphere around them grows heavy and suffocating, as if a dark cloud suddenly descends upon them. Lianne's throat turns dry as she tries to find the words to bridge the divide that has come between them.

———

They sit in uncomfortable silence, the tension between them palpable. Jihan studies her mother's face with a mix of fascination and disdain, taking in every detail. Lianne's eyes remain downcast, avoiding her daughter's brazen stare. 

Despite the natural changes that come with age, Jihan cannot deny that her mother is still as attractive as ever, perhaps even more radiant. She recalls a portrait of her taken from years ago, hanging in the hacienda, where Lianne exuded a youthful vibrancy and had long, flowing locks of hair. But even with her now mid-length hair, which is parted in the middle, there is a certain simplicity and elegance in her mother's posture, and a quiet dignity in her presence. A testament to how the years have only added to her beauty. 

She must have been living a good life to look they way she does, Jihan decides. She instantly realizes her petty way of justifying her hatred based on her mother's appearance and how it's connected to her living a good life. Regardless, she knows that no matter what her mother looks like, she will still find fault in her. After all, Jihan is the daughter she had once abandoned. She has the right to hate her mother however she wants. This sudden surge of antagonism brings a bitter feeling to Jihan's heart. 

'Oh well, good for her then.' Jihan thinks to herself. Images of what she saw in Quebec flash through her mind. She shifts her gaze away, masking her emotions with a grimace.