Written In The Stars

Chapter 5: Crucible

Chaeyoung decides to go home for Thanksgiving, to let herself find badly needed solace in her mother's arms. She refuses to think of it as running away, especially since she spends hours running every day just to avoid Jennie and Kai cuddling and laughing and exchanging syrup-sweet kisses over breakfast.

If anything, it's to give herself a break from her constant running.

She clears her schedule for a whole week, and goes home to the preserve.

She knows it was the right decision as soon as she gets out of the car, giving herself a second to lean back against the chassis and let the susurration of the wind through the trees wash over her and sooth her soul. The air is so much sweeter here, she feels she can breathe properly for the first time in weeks - months, maybe.

Her family await her with hard hugs and gentle teasing, and as soon as she steps over the threshold she feels more like herself.

This week away is exactly what she needs.

Her uncle has made about seventeen thousand cookies in his excitement at having the whole family together, so Chaeyoung eats way too many of them and then goes on long hikes with her mom and younger nephew Jihoon to burn them off. She plays ridiculous games in front of the fire with her cousin Hyeri, her husband Junyeol who is a quietly acerbic, funny man whom Chaeyoung likes tremendously, and their two little kids, Jihoon and Gaeul. She lets the familiarity and comfort of their love soak in through her skin, patching up the places where her heart has grown worn.

In the evenings she slips out onto the porch and sketches, or just looks up at the stars, wondering whether the knowledge that Capricorn is up there somewhere, as constant and mysterious as the reflection on her own skin, is a comfort or a curse.

She doesn't let herself think too much about Jennie during the day, but in the peace of the evening she finds the low-level yearning ache rises up in her chest again. It's just that Jennie would be so perfect, here, she thinks. She can picture her helping her dad in the kitchen or laughing with her mom, picture Jennie and her autumnal eyes among the tumble of leaves outside, or waking up with Jennie in the teenage bed where she used to dream of her soul-match.

It all still feels so right that it's hard to let it go, even though she knows Jennie and Kai had probably planned to spend the week together holed up in the apartment doing god knows what to each other.

The night before Thanksgiving, her mom finds her on the swinging bench on the porch. She hands her a mug of hot tea and settles down beside her under a blanket. As she slips under her arm and leans against her side, she's hit by a wave of nostalgia for how they used to do this when she was a kid, only Chaeyoung had been the one to cuddle into her mom back then. Her long, dark hair smells of the same shampoo, even after all these years.

They sip their tea and sit together in companionable silence for a long time, then her mom says, "So Jennie, huh?" and Chaeyoung sputters a bit, but isn't all that surprised. She accepted long ago that her mom has magical powers about this sort of thing.

Eventually she sighs and says, "Yeah. I mean... It's Jennie for me. Not me for her."

Her mom presses in closer. "She's your soul match?"

Chaeyoung nods.

"Does she know?"

"No. She's seeing someone now anyway, there wouldn't be any point telling her."

"The point is that you love her," she pauses to see if Chaeyoung will correct her. She doesn't. "And right now you love her at the expense of yourself. I know you, Chaeyoung. You're tired." She keeps her voice mild, but Chaeyoung can see the worry etched into the fine skin at the corners of her eyes.