The List

Chapter One

My mourning playlist ended for the fifteenth time, but I couldn't find the strength to listen to it again. I needed more tissues, I needed to shower, I needed to do a lot of things; but I didn't feel like doing any of them.

My lips were chapped, my body was frail from the lack of eating since the funeral, and my nose, throat, and eyes were sore from my sobs that almost never stop.

My mom's boyfriend decided that he would be "helpful" by saying this to me a few minutes later of me wallowing in my own ball of raw emotions, and this is a direct quote,"Get your lazy ass up or I'll bathe you myself." I didn't know whether to be pissed or extremely creeped out. This man has been trying to get me in bed with him for four months now, two weeks after my mom and him had started "dating."

I threw my purple, empty box of Kleenex at my white wooden door before actually using my legs to get up off the brown, wood that had been muddled by blankets and tissues that overflowed from my black, plastic trash can, and walk across the hall into the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth while doing my business on the toilet.

I stripped down, tossing my week-old pajamas into the brown whicker hamper before turning on the cold water, lathering my hair in shampoo and conditioner, my body in a scented body wash from Bath and Body Works. After making sure I was sud-free, I stepped out and scurried into my room, which is like a couple feet, because, evidently, there were no towels.

I was drying rather quickly from the heat and there was no problem putting on real clothes (jean shorts and a Green Day muscle tank with Vans) and putting my damp hair in a messy, slightly dripping bun. I sniffled staring down at the picture I had put down next to me of Lindsay and I at a party wearing our cheerleader uniforms, hugging each other tight in a photo-booth. I wiped a few tears from my face before placing it on my white desk that held a photo-album of printed pictures and my yearbook.

I cleaned my room, at least my floor, balling up the smelly blankets into a gigantic ball, pushing it hard into the hamper. I made a small to-do list on a post-it note:

1.Get off your lazy ass
2.Make yourself presentable
3.Go through your mail, check for your colleges' responses
4.Get back in shape
5.Think of more "to-do."

Numbers one and two were somewhat done, so three was the next to do. I trotted down the stairs, through the "first living room", past the hallway, and into my kitchen where we held the mail next to the microwave, where I shuffled the pile until I found stuff with my name on it. There wasn't much, just some magazines and a few envelopes, probably with some "Sorry-For-Your-Loss" cards or whatever. The thought was a bit overwhelming, so I hurriedly carried the small pile into my room, closing the door behind me.

One Seventeen Magazine, one Cosmopolitan Magazine, and some letters from my family with Congrats stickers all over the back. There was one final one, one that made me weak to my knees. In my hands held a card from my dead best friend. I carefully unfolded the card holder, placing it delicately on my bed, biting my cheek as I held some thin, folded up pieces of lined paper. I started to cry softly, my shoulders were shaking though, very few tears streaming down my hot face, my cold fingers unfolding the first paper.

"I wasn't telling you the truth when you visited me last time. I told you I felt better, that we were going to graduate together. We did, so I kept my promise. I'm writing this on the way home. Remember how I told you I forgot my phone? I'm sorry, but I just needed these to be here. You'll thank me hopefully if you finish these. I know that this might be the last thing on your mind, but will you do this as my last dying wish? Please? Even if you don't I'll still love you. You're always going to be my best friend no matter what. Flip to the back and read the other paper when you're ready- if you're ready.

" 1.Go tell him you love him
2. Buy that dress
3. Ride every rollercoaster at SixFlags
4. Feed the rabbit
5. When school starts at Penn, write my name on the dorm
6. Go skinny dipping, you're hot, get over it
7. Steal something
8. Break something
9. Tell that perv off
10. Get your license
11. Call this number 556-555-2211
12. Halloween: fireman
13. Go to my house and take my laptop
14. Find my hidden spots
15. Check out our secret hideouts, re-create that moment in My Sister's Keeper that we cry over every damn time
16. Dance until dawn
17. Crash a funeral
18. Make out with a stranger
19. Read that damn book
20. Run around town nude
21. Find the others *I'm winking at this because I know you're silently cursing me out in your head*"

I stood there for a minute, bawling over the remains of Lindsay, which turned into an hour, but I got my shit together and went into the bathroom and washed my face before heading out the door to the DMV with the list and my phone in my purse.

I'll do this for you because I love you too.
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Hi! I'm the worst writer ever, but sorry. I want to see if you can relate to this or like this. I'm not that experienced in this but hey, I'm learning. Hope you've all had a good day. Kisses!