Wonderwalls {HS}

I

In my half-asleep-half-awake state, I somehow manage to walk to the bathroom. I'm not really worried about making myself look decent considering I'm just having breakfast with my mom. I open up the faded wooden cabinets under my sink and find a brush. When I was younger I never really like my hair. It was always so tangled. When I was in junior high, my hair stopped being so light blonde, and started turning into more of a sandy blonde color. I brush my hair and begin to braid it to the side. When I finish I quickly wash my face before heading downstairs.

To my surprise, my mother is no where to be found. Usually she'll at least put some cereal out, just as a way to say she tried, but nothing was on the table. I walk to the fridge to get some milk and eggs before opening the cabinets to get the pancake mix. Pancakes were always so comforting to me. They were sweet and fluffy, and the aroma wrapped me up in a warm embrace.

Just as I pour the mix into the glassware, I hear the garage door open. Must be my mother. I'm sure she'll be pleased to find me actually doing something other than lying in my bed. I continue to whisk.

"Fin... Finley Blaire" she says. I can sense some hesitation in her voice. She's doing this on purpose, I can tell. She only ever calls me by my birth name when she's about to get sentimental. Or when she's angry...

"Yeah," I reply, pouring the pancake batter into the already sizzling pan.

She sets down her bags before walking over to the stove. Her hands are behind her back, and I sense she's hiding something.

"I know it's your last day at home so I decided to get you a little something," she says.

She hands me a small square box. It's wrapped in delicate pink tissue paper; a small twine string tied around it. I read the tag.

Take flight, it says.

I manage a smile. I carefully tear the paper, set aside the string and open the lid of the small box.

Inside is a necklace. The chain is so delicate I'm afraid it will break with one touch. The pendant is a shiny silver paper plane. I've never seen anything like it. It's almost too perfect. I smile again, and stroke the sleek wings of the plane.

"Thanks, mom. I really love it."

"I'm glad," she replies. She kisses me on the forehead. I quickly wipe aways the tears in my eyes. I crying in front of people. I always feel like I have to stay strong.

I never expected leaving home to be this difficult. Then again I never really thought about this part of my life when I was younger. I always skipped right from high school to getting married, never the whole college part. I always knew I was going to college, but I never really thought about it I guess. And at this moment in time, I really wish I would have. I feel so unprepared.

~~~

Most of my things have already been shipped to my dorm at the University of Chicago, but I still have to make the long fourteen hour drive there myself. I begged my mom to let me do this alone, but I knew she wouldn't miss this for anything. Especially not after my dad died.

"I he isn't going to be able to see you go college, I sure as hell am," she had said. I understood. It was a big deal to her, as it was any parent. I just didn't want her to see me in despair. I had always been so strong...

The five hour drive is blur of emotions. I try to spend as much time as possible sleeping so I don't have to deal with the emotions inside of me. Not right now. Not in front of my mom. I knew I could deal with them when I got to campus. Just a little while longer. I could make it.