Drunken Fantasy

Chapter 9

There was something hard and cold below me. The sensation was reaching my brain through my cheek.

My eyelids felt heavy and I was having difficulty opening them. 

"Where the hell am I?" If I remember correctly, I was in the wedding venue and I had bid Alicia bye, for forever. What had happened afterward?

I slowly raised my head and looked around. It was dark. It felt as if I was sitting at a table. 

Suddenly, I heard footsteps coming closer. Somebody switched the lights on.

Just as the light came, I shot up from my seat.

"No way..." My hands started shaking. My lips were quivering. I realized something as I looked around. 

The wedding...

That wedding I had been to...

That wedding I thought I had been to...

Was it...

"Finally felt like waking up, eh, jackass?" Anthony scratched his head. There was annoyance and a bit of anger mixed in as well.

"You did not wake up no matter how many times I tried. And you ended up missing the wedding. Your best friend is probably mad at you right now."

His words confirmed my thoughts. Yeah, I had not gone to the wedding.

"Did I pass out after drinking?"

"That you did. After all the warnings I gave you not to drink. Geez."

Yeah, that confirms it. I did not go to Alex and Alicia's wedding. Then what was all that scene in the wedding? There was only one answer for that.

"My drunken fantasy..."

"Huh? What's that?" Anthony asked. He probably did not catch my mumblings clearly. But I was not in the state of mind to answer him.

The whole wedding scene was just my drunken fantasy. 

Just as that realization hit me, I felt like I was being pushed down from the cliff to an unfathomable hole below.

There was the sound of jingling bells. Someone had just come in.

"Hmm? Who could be here at this time?" Anthony looked at the door and then widened his eyes a bit. "Oh, it's you."

The sound of heels clattering stopped a few centimeters behind me.

"I did have my suspicions but you really did not come to the wedding." 

There was no need for me to turn my head around to see her. I recognized her easily through her voice. It was Nancy. And she was angry.

"Alex was really upset that his best friend did not show up to his wedding. Everyone else from high school had come and they were eager to meet you. But you were just here out drinking. This was not good. You should have at least shown your face. Because of you, the whole mood turned a bit sour."

Nancy was clearly angry. I could tell that. But right now, it did not matter to me. My mind was occupied with something else entirely. Something far more important. Something far more grave. 

"Hey, why are you not responding to me?" 

Nancy grabbed my hand and spun me around toward her.

She looked at my face and her brows furrowed.

"H-Hey, what's wrong? Why are you so pale?"

Did I look pale? I probably did. I felt dead inside after all. I must be as pale as a ghost right now.

"Are you alright, boy?" Anthony asked worriedly.

"Did Alicia's getting married to someone else hurt you that much?" Probably noticing the pathetic state I was in, Nancy suppressed her anger and spoke to me in as gentle a voice as she could produce.

Yes. I was a bit upset by Alicia getting married to someone else. There was no denying that. But there was something else that shocked me to death.

"Hey. Come one! What's wrong with you!?" Nancy firmly held both of my hands and shook me violently.

Come on. Stop shaking me up any more than this, Nancy. Please. Stop. 

"What happened?!" Her voice was getting louder and louder inside my brain and I was getting irritated.

I could not take it anymore. I grabbed both of her hands. She winced in pain. Without caring about that, I jerked her hands away.

"Reality has invaded Nancy. That's it!"

As I finally put those emotions into words, fat drops of tears started rolling down my cheeks.

"What do...you mean by that?" Nancy asked, clearly confused. 

Yeah, there is no way she will ever understand what I was saying. What I was going through.

My drunken fantasy. The only solace I had. The only thing that was keeping me alive. The place where I could live happily. 

It was the only place where I could escape reality and create a reality of my own. A false reality that felt more real than the real world that gave me a reason to continue living. But now, the only solace I had was stolen from me. Reality had managed to slip in through a crack in the sturdy walls of my drunken fantasy that I was not even aware of. 

Before today, in my drunken fantasy, I would see images of me and Alica. The two of us living happily ever after together; the two of us being together forever: the two of us falling in love with each other, getting married, and having kids. It was the perfect abode for me to save myself from getting crushed by the cruel reality. It was fake but it felt real.  

But now, reality had invaded the lands of my dreams. 

Even in my drunken fantasy, Alicia had gotten married to Alex and left me alone to my own devices.

It had never happened before. There had been so such things as bad endings in my drunken fantasy. But, now, t had happened.

The only place where I could be happy, now even that was tainted by the reality that Alicia will never be mine. Now, I won't be able to lose myself in my drunken fantasy anymore. I was deprived of even that. Now, how the hell was I supposed to continue living? When I had no place to comfort myself.

I had now truly lost everything. That drunken fantasy was what kept me alive, what gave me hope, even if it was a false one. It felt real, just like dad once said. But, now, I did not have that privilege anymore. I felt broken. Broke beyond repair.  

I dropped down to my knees and started bawling my eyes out.

I don't think I have ever cried this hard in my entire life.

But that night, I did. I cried, I screamed, I wailed.

My scream caused both Anthony and Nancy to flinch.

Now, I was truly all alone in this world. 

As I cried, I felt someone tightly embrace me. I do not know who it was. Their arms were slender but their hold was firm. As if saying it would never let go of me.

Holding onto that embrace, I cried through the whole night.