Not retribution, just returning favor!

15: What if?

"Why don't you care about your life?", Ron asked her anxiously.

"I care about my life, Ron. That is the only reason I am still standing here. You want to know why I put others before me? I know the pain when your loved one dies. I don't want anyone to suffer that. I want to save everyone I can. I would like to stand up for people like I wished someone had stood up for me. ", Harry said simply.

James felt angry about the fact that a girl as young as Harry had to be so independent because there was no one there to stand up for her. He cursed his aunt for being such a bitch.

"Harry, I understand wanting to save everyone. But you...you run face first against danger as if you don't care if you died. Why? And don't say what you just said. You have been like this ever since I have met you.", Ron asked worriedly. Harry sighed.

"Maybe on a certain level, I fight head first against danger because of the secret wish I have had since I was child. The wish to be with my parents; buried six feet underneath the ground with them. You know when I first visited my parents' grave, in 17 years, I wasn't just missing them. I was wishing I was buried with them, not mourning their loss. I was cursing my fate that kept me alive in a world without them. All I could think about was being a year old toddler, who was loved and cherished, who wasn't marked by death, torture and scars, buried with people who loved her. I hated myself in that moment to have survived them, to have lived. All I could think about was that I have been robbed of my fate of not being able to die as someone who was loved. I was sure that that night, I was marked by more than just the scar that night. I was marked for a life of misery, pain and loss. I wanted it to end. I wanted to be with my parents.", Harry said in despair. James felt as if his heart was being twisted and turned.

"I didn't mind death, Ron, because when I would have died, I won't have been alone. I would have been with them. The people who loved me more than their lives. I... I want to live a life that they would have been proud of. Although, I won't have minded dying either because I would have been with them."

"Death is normal progression of life. Their death hurts me because they were taken before their time. They were robbed of their best years... happy years. My death wouldn't have mattered because it would have saved innocent people. My parents death destroyed more than one life in irreversible way. They were so good and loved that even years later, people were fighting for the love they carried for my parents. To answer your question, if I can save a life, irrespective of the side, I would.",Harry said softly.

"So what you would save anyone? We almost died trying to save Draco in fire? Him? Is he worth your life?", Ron asked angrily.

"My worth... Maybe that is a reason", Harry said in wavering voice. The way Harry said 'my worth' stabbed him in his chest. Merlin! How bad had her childhood been for her to feel this worthless?

"For years my aunt had drilled into me that I was a mistake.. a burden... a curse. That I was going to live the most meaningless and worthless life ever. That I had blood of my parents on my hand. I was responsible for all the misery in lives of everyone I came in contact with. I believed her for a long time... Sometimes in my dark moments, I still believe it.", Harry said warily as Ron clutched her hands tightly in support.

"If I save someone and die in their place, than it means that my life was worth something, right? It meant that my parents didn't die for a worthless, useless daughter. That they didn't give up their lives for a mistake, a curse of a daughter. Saving a life had to mean that I was not useless as I would have done something worthwhile. Saving someone's life has to be worthwhile.", Harry said as she tears came back in her eyes.

James had a pain in his heart as he glimpsed the depth of abuse this beautiful girl has taken. Prongs was very agitated and in pain. Why? Remus whined. Sirius looked ready to rip apart someone, most probably Harry's aunt. James would gladly give a hand in it. Lily was sobbing uncontrollably. Ron looked so guilty and dismayed that Harry looked at him in question.