Not retribution, just returning favor!

18: Amalgamate

"Do you think she hates me?", Lily asked quietly to James, who snapped his head in her direction.

They were sitting by a lake inside forbidden forest. They needed to be away. To digest the life of their daughter. The horror that she has suffered, the bravery she has displayed, and her raw talent. They needed time to process that, not only was their daughter in constant danger in the past, she was in danger right now too. And they have just promised to sit by ideally and to let her be in danger while they stay safe.

He had been trying to find a way around the swear since last night. There was this nauseous feeling in his stomach filled with dread. He hasn't been able to sit still for more than five minutes. His daughter was in danger and he was sitting on his arse waiting for her, instead of standing in front of her to protect her. He would never forgive himself if he lost her.

The worst part of the whole thing was that anything they did to circumscribed the will, it will take effect. This swear is one of the most binding and unmoving ones. You can't directly or indirectly try to get around it. Your intentions, meaning and follow up of the swear has to be precise or the swear would take effect. Had it been his magic, he wouldn't have cared. But it was his daughter's life. How could he do anything to save her, when that would kill her?

He couldn't find anyway to get around the swear. It was frustrating and annoying him to no end. He didn't know whether to be proud or frustrated at Harry for being clever and smart enough to make them all swear on her life, when that's all they want to protect. He was a protector by nature and to not protect his own fawn was gnawing at him.

He hasn't been able to sleep since that dream. He tried to take a nap in between, only to be haunted by the nightmare of Harry being beaten with belt, hot pans and crucios, over and over again. Her scream of agony, loss and despair were playing in loop in his head. Till she comes back, he didn't think he could take a proper breath. Merlin! It was tough being a father of a child, who willingly took risk to save others.

He had realized quickly that danger to Harry was not just from outside but from inside too. Not Peter, that rat...that fucking rat.. but from Harry's insecurities and guilt that was drowning her. He knew that doing these missions successfully will take care of the guilt but her insecurities..that was on them to take care of. His daughter needed saving. If he can't save her from outside forces, he would save her from herself.

It was surprising how quickly he fell into the role of her father. He didn't expect it in the beginning. He thought at the beginning that the best they could be like siblings, but the thoughts and feeling he felt were that of a father's. He was protective of her like a stag was of his fawn. She was his fawn and the need to protect was intense. He has never felt like this ever. Even for Lily or Sirius. For Harry, he would sacrifice everyone and everything in this world.

He thinks it's because he has been able to relate to Harry so much since beginning. People always said that they could be twins. They were so similar that he had found himself wondering on days, if they were related. Somehow, he knew. Or his stag did anyways. He didn't know much of a conventional role he could play for her but he would be there for her, no matter what.

He has been thinking of how he was going to explain to his parents about his fawn. He has already got a signed permission from McGonagall to take Harry, Hermione and Ron home with him. James knew for certain that Harry will have her original name. She was his and there was no need to hide. He needed to talk to Dad about it. Dumbledore will take care of the rest. Dumbledore owned that much to their family. Coming to his family, he needed to ease the final hurdle between Lily and Harry.

"No. Why would you think that?", James asked her in confusion.

He was worried about Lily. She hasn't been able to stop crying since the memories. He was worried that it could hamper her relation with Harry. Harry wanted to be with them but Harry also suffered at hands of Lily's sister for years. He wondered if that will cause a rift.