Miles apart (Man × Man) ✔

32) i n j u r e d

It didn't happen all at once, but rather started with small hints easy to ignore, gradually making headway to a breaking point. The first sign was the mornings when getting up from bed took him twice as long as it normally did. Then came the quiet moments between conversations, when he got lost in his own words.

Too often it was easy to forget that even the ones with bright smiles could carry such a pain in their chest. It was easy to believe they didn't have weak moments, when they were the ones you could always count on. The ones who were always there when you needed them.

"We should probably go easy with the drinks for a while." Benjamin pondered, while making breakfast. He and Eli had put Miles' coffee machine in good use, and the aroma coming from a fresh batch filled the kitchen. "And not stay up so late."

They had been drinking a glass or two in the evenings and stayed up till the small hours even though they had to get up early in the morning. Every evening it felt like a good idea and every morning they regretted it.

"Uhm." Miles hummed in agreement, but didn't lift his forehead from the cool surface of the table. Ash nodded at Benjamin before setting a glass of water and a painkiller on the table in front of Miles.

Some evenings Miles had been drinking a little more than a few glasses, and he was wondering when one could start calling his drinking habits a drinking problem. Ash had called him out on his increasing need for alcohol after the fight he had had with his dad, and Miles would have been lying if he said Ash didn't have a point there.

"We're all tired and some basic routine would do us all wonders, but Eli needs.." Benjamin's voice trailed off.

"Yeah, we know." Ash stated, and it seemed like maybe he and Benjamin actually knew something about what Benjamin had wanted to say. Miles knew about Eli's depression and that he saw a counsellor once a week, but he wasn't sure what drinking had to do with those things exactly. 

Either way, he didn't mind the idea of not drinking for a couple of weeks. Although he couldn't promise he would go to sleep early, he knew it would make his mornings tenfold easier to manage. If he went to bed early, maybe half a liter of energy drink wouldn't be the only thing getting him up in the morning. 

The next few nights they managed to get more sleep and drink no alcohol like they had planned, and it really did wonders to them. Ash was less grumpy, Eli less antsy and Benjamin better rest after a few nights of good sleep. Miles was, well, more energetic but no less on edge.

One late afternoon Daisy called Miles. Yet again she asked if Anthony had mentioned anything about the financial issues the company was allegedly having, and yet again Miles told her Anthony wouldn't admit having money troubles even if Miles pointed a gun at him.

There was nothing truly distressing about the call, instead it was quite the opposite. Miles laughed at Daisy's jokes and told her everything about Ash moving in and how things had been after that. 

But then, once Miles ended the call and sat alone on the patio, a realization dawned on his mind: if Bardot Madden Co. did go bankrupt, Miles would have no reason to keep in touch with his dad anymore. If it weren't for money, he would have had the courage to walk away from Anthony a long time ago.

Miles brought his hand to his mouth to hold back a laughter, when a frenzied wave of joy mixed with a hint of disbelief washed over him. The thought of finally being free from his dad made him giddy, until a pang of guilt crushed his chest. How selfish was it of him to wish his dad would lose his money and power over him? 

He raked a hand through his hair, realizing for the first time how not okay he was. His dad was a bully, Eliana was dying and even though everything was falling apart, he couldn't open up about it to his boyfriend or their friends.

Miles took a deep breath before walking back in. When he suggested they could have just a few drinks, he wasn't really thinking much of it. Eli was excited about the idea, whereas Benjamin and Ash needed more persuasion, but eventually they agreed on two drinks. 

They made cocktails from carbonated water and all the bottles of liquor they could find from the kitchen cabinet. They decided on playing never have I ever, and it was easy for Miles to put aside his worries as everyone was laughing and having fun.

"Never have I ever.. kissed a girl?" Eli asked on his turn. Everyone but him lifted their glasses, taking a sip, which led to some interesting conversations. 

"Really? Never?" Miles double-checked, lifting a dubious eyebrow at him.

"Oh come on." Eli huffed, laughing when he continued: "I grew up in a religious community, where you were supposed to marry the first woman you kissed, and from there I landed straight to a gay club."

"Okay, I have a different question then." Benjamin decided with a grin. "Never have I ever.. kissed more than ten guys?"

Everyone but Benjamin took a gulp from their glasses, making Benjamin shake his head in disbelief. "More than twenty guys?" When everyone still kept drinking, he asked: "More than twenty-five?" This time Eli didn't take a sip from his drink, but Eli and Ash did, so Benjamin continued: "More than thirty?"

Ash made a face, but didn't drink again. Miles, on the other hand, brought the glass on his lips in a way he hoped was unnoticeable. It wasn't, of course, since now everyone's eyes were on him.

"What? I needed to do some experimenting and it was an all-boys private school." Miles muttered and shrugged, hoping his hair covered some of the redness on his face when he lowered his head.

"Oh, so that's what all those fancy private schools are like?" Ash had an amused grin on his lips, the kind none of them was used to seeing. "And there I was thinking they were filled with some rich condescending twats."

"That too." Miles bursted into laughter, the kind that made his eyes fill with tears and his stomach hurt. 

They had more to drink, even as they had promised they wouldn't, and continued discussing everything between heaven and earth. It was a fun night, and for a while no one worried about the next day or how they would feel in the morning. If there were signs, they weren't noticeable enough for Miles to see.

It was easy to forget the ones, who had been through hell and never talked about it. It was so easy that even with all the signs you became blind to their suffering. Until, eventually, you were forced to see all of it.

"Just one more round and then we're done for tonight." Miles announced, noticing a dizzying buzz in his head when he stood up too fast. He didn't even want to think about the next morning or how he was supposed to get through a day in the office, if he continued drinking like that.

"I'll help you with those." Eli offered, following Miles to the kitchen. 

Miles remembered how one moment they were laughing at something and the next Eli grew silent. He remembered asking Eli something, while they were standing by the kitchen table mixing the drinks, and turning to look at him when he didn't answer. Then how fast the smile dropped from his face, how quick the change from jocular to utterly horrified was. 

"Eli, what..?" Miles heard himself stammering from somewhere far far away. The trickle of blood, gripping the knife and its clatter against the tile floor. The struggle and the startled cry that didn't sound like him at all: "Ash, Benjamin, help, fuck, help."

~~~

I've written two more chapters and I guess I'll update those earlier than in three days. They say you can keep readers hooked on the story with cliffhangers, but I always end up feeling guilty for those, so I can never keep the suspense up for too long..