The Afterlife

38) Through the Rise and Fall

When the time felt like it had stopped for a while, everything felt like it stopped as well. When the air passed by, so called but so slow, and when the open window welcomed it a bit by bit, the world seemed to fall silent just like that. It was delusional to think that everything was calm in the face of that which was most revolutionary - Sihyeon's agony, but it was her only way to live through the hours.

She leaned against the frame of her window and looked down at the passing cars, one by one telling a different story even when they trapped their people within their confines in a silent, moving frame. Her eyes moved along with the cars as she huffed the smoke into the air, hoping it would take some of the pain with it.

Sihyeon's bare arms did not feel the cold, and her sleeveless shirt served to cover only her burnt side. In her eyes, there were tears behind the memory of her picture in the mirror, and only within the privacy of the motel room did she allow herself to cry. For once, Sihyeon did not want to be tough or angry.

Right now, revenge was not working on her side, and she was tired. She was worn out to the point that breathing was a labour in itself, and all she wanted was to lie down and find a reason to keep living. She could imagine her parents arms around her, and she could fantasise about her children's presence, but none of it made Sihyeon need to live further. All she wanted was to see Mia, and there was only one way to do it.

For once, she wanted someone to avenge her, but standing right before the air that welcomed her with open arms, even that thought went passing with the cars, and only one thing remained - the pain.

Since she changed her cell phone and number, there were not much calls that she received. It barely rang at all, so when it did, Sihyeon's eyes did not ignore it. She looked at the phone where it stayed beside her on the windowsill, and she smoked in the last of her cigarette before she let it fall in favor of holding the phone.

She spared the number only another quick glance before she put it over her ear, and as she stared at the cars again, more reasons to join them crashed upon her.

"You failed again, haven't you?" She could see his smirk even then; she could see his tempting eyes and challenging grin, and the winter's cold died further under the impact of it. "You are working terribly hard, but look at you."

"You have not let me see you after you put me beneath your feet." The words left Sihyeon's throat like thorns, as easy as they fell, they left chaos in their wake. Speaking them so leisurely made them sound nonchalant, but Sihyeon alone could feel their worst traces in her low voice. "You made me beg only for you to run away?"

"Me and you, we know each other best, Sihyeon, do we not?" When Namjoon sighed, Sihyeon also heard the luxury of the leather chair on which he leaned; she heard his feet crossing as they extended over his desk, and she saw the boredom with which his eyes spoke. "I am sick of this cat and mouse game," he said, "I want to be the one who kills you, so why don't we make it up to only me and you?"

Ever since Choi Wooshik, Sihyeon had never felt the need to fight Kim Namjoon for any reason, and even when she came to know who Kim Namjoon truly was, the urge became even lesser. She understood that Namjoon was no underdog, after all, but she felt no need to give him the same thrill she bid Wooshik farewell with.

Had it not been for her sister, Sihyeon would have not kept listening to him at all.

Had it not been for what she already started, Sihyeon would have let herself go into the world's chest, revelling in its embrace and letting its cold air give her the rest she needed, yet it was it was. Sihyeon was tired, and angry, and she was willing to try one more time even if it promised inevitable death - that trial.