The Afterlife

39) Scattered Stars, United Skies

On the day after Jeonghan had taken lead of the special operations team and up until the next morning, Jisoo was burdened with all means of regret, whether it be for liking the former, or for agreeing to simply submit to what should be the end of their former leader.

In the back of his mind was an indelible guilt, but he knew that it he wanted to stay off that wanted list, he needed to just follow what the law imposed on him. He knew he would not hurt Sihyeon if it meant his own death, but staying on her side, too, felt like a losing game.

Not much happened throughout the first night, but as soon as the morning came and Jisoo made way for the station as he did per usual, everything about Jeonghan taking lead changed the habitual morning Jisoo had for himself.

When he left his home half an hour early to grab a coffee, he did not expect it to spill only minutes after buying it by a strong arm that clenched him and pulled him into a hidden alley. While he struggled to free himself at first, as soon as he looked clearly ahead, he stopped moving at all.

Jeonghan, too, stepped away from him as soon as Jisoo made sense of who he was, and he put his hands beside him as she breathed heavily, as if he had been running for hours prior to snatching Jisoo off the street like that.

For a minute or so, there was nothing to be done but stare at one another. They both stood there, exchanging looks of bewilderment and disappointment as they regained their breaths that were lost as an impact of the surprise. They were silent, holding back all the words that were to take an entire night if they decided to spill.

When someone broke the silence first, it was Jeonghan, "Jisoo-" though he did not say much before the man in name let go of his anger.

"Why?" Jisoo snapped. "Why are you doing this?"

Jeonghan sighed, looking to be just as burdened as the boy before him with what was going on, "you would not believe me."

"Have you tried?" Jisoo clicked his tongue, looking to be disturbed by the answer more than the events of his morning altogether. "You expect me to believe that you have betrayed us, over and over and over, but not believe one good excuse?"

"I have joined Kim Sihyeon's team for revenge, Jisoo," that much was clear, but Jeonghan felt the need to speak it anyway, "I wanted revenge, but not like this."

Jisoo looked away then, staring at the passing cars from the main street, "and how, exactly, did he oppose your expectations?"

"Ye is vicious, beyond what I had been able to see," Jeonghan admitted, eyes straying to look everywhere in the alley, as if the corners held living memories of what he had witnessed, "I never meant for anything to go the way they did."

Jisoo said nothing, staring back at the boy he loved most with a hope that he will speak an unthinkable justification, that he will give an excuse hard to not consider.

"When he burned Kim Mia alive before the eyes of her sister, that is when fear crippled me," his wide eyes stared at the asphalt beneath his feet, and he breathed heavily as if the fire he was speaking off still suffocated him, "I could not do shit, and I stood there watching but realised at once that I was wrong; Kim Sihyeon did kill my brother, but it made me realise that maybe, maybe," Jeonghan huffed, "Jaewook, too, deserved to die," hard as it was to speak it, Jeonghna gathered the most painful truths on one tongue to speak them, "just because he was my brother does not mean he has not been merciless in his revenge as Namjoon is."

Jisoo nodded, "and now?"

"And now," Jeonghan sighed, "I want you to know that I am on your side," like that, he stepped closer to Jisoo, and even though he looked like he was dying to reach out, he did not move an inch farther than a single step, "those men in there are watching us, all of us, so I want Lieutenant Kim to understand that we all need to keep this facade of rivalry, so I could give you passage to Dux without getting myself and them killed."