An Endless Wait.

chapter 19

"Thanks Natie" Jake said with a deep sigh "You are a lifesaver, and they both are idiots" I could see annoyance on this face. I smiled at him "its okay, go home and have some sleep now" I hugged him wished him a good night; he waved as he drove away. 

Kevin and Rebecca had gotten drunk at a party and now they were sleeping like dead logs on my couch. 

I sighed and walked in the house and picked up my phone, I had a message form Richard.

Richard: okay, night fishy have a good day tomorrow, sleep well *HG* 

I knew he must have fallen asleep by now, so I did not bother texting him, instead I walked upstairs and got into bed hoping that sleep would find me. 

AFTER 4 WEEKS..... 

'NATALIE DON'T CRY, HOLD IT, EVERYONE IS WATCHING, DONT MAKE A SCENE, STOP CRYING YOU IDIOT, THAT GUY DOESNT EVEN CARE, LOOK HOW HE IS IGNORING YOU, HE IS NOT WORTH IT, DONT CRY HERE, EVERYONE IS WATCHING, STOP'' I chanted again and again in my head but somehow I could not find it within me to stop the tears from flowing endlessly. It had been almost fifteen minutes since I had been sobbing in Alice's arms, Jake and Caroline were standing right next to me, Jake rubbing my shoulder in a soothing way. Alice was continuously repeating in my ear "Natalie, he is not worth it, he is making u cry so much, how can he be worth it?" but somehow I was still crying THAT TOO IN PUBLIC! 

This was probably the first time in my 16 year old life that I had burst crying in school. School was the last place on my 'best locations to cry' list and now everyone was asking Alice what was wrong? 

WHAT WAS WRONG?

2 hours back

'Nothing is right, is it?' Alice wrote on a piece of paper and pushed it towards me as Mr. McCluskey went on and on about the sweet life of a eukaryotic cell. 

'It's not :(' I wrote back. We were sitting on the last bench so talking on paper was safe today, plus Mr. McCluskey wasn't really a man who bothered.

':( You should talk to him you know'

'I don't think so, I don't know how can I be more nice to this guy, there is no point I know he does not care anyway, I'll just have to live with it.' I looked at her face now. It had concern plastered all over it. 

"no u should, and u will today -.- I mean he knows how much he means to you still he does all that what an insensitive ass."

"don't call him that, he is just lost within himself right now, he has a good side Alice and I have seen it, he is right now just choosing to show his jerkass side to everyone, I know Richard at his best and Richard at his worst -.-  and I know he will get normal he just needs some time, and I can wait, rather I will wait' I pushed the paper to Alice, my handwriting barely readable, she looked up and did the 'you-are-mad' gesture at me, I gave her a big toothy smile in return. 

I was in the football field with Samantha, when I saw Richard, surrounded by people, and he looked dashing. His midnight curls had grown just the way I loved to see them. "Oh my god he looks hot today' I mumbled to her. "Natalie for the last time, I don't care about anything else apart from his perfect ass" she said looking at me, I was drooling over Richard. I looked at her, "there's a lot more to him than just his perfect ass" I said with a disgusted expression. "Yeaa, but.." he started speaking but I cut her off "no no I don't want to hear this" I said tilting my head away from her. "You think I should go talk to him?" 

"totally" she said looking down at a stone.

"but he is surrounded by so many people" I was straining my neck now, I could only see his thick dark curls among the crowd.

"Okay, go isolate him , and talk to him" she was looking in the same direction now.

I sighed deeply 'I am so going to do this' 

I mentally went through each and every word I would say to him again and again, I planned out my every move, I analysed all of his possible replies, decided a suitable answer to each one of them and started walking towards the now thinning crowd.

"I need to talk to you" I said in a determined voice. Richard did not reply, he walked over the nearby dustbin to throw something, he turned and said "I don't want to talk to you". His words hit me like a heavy truck, coming 100 miles per hour, it was weird how I could feel it, like someone was punching me in my gut. "I-I..Ugghh" What was I supposed to say? I did not remember a word I had planned to use. "i-i am not giving you an op-op-option here" Oh great I was stuttering now. I could hear the pain in my voice, couldn't he? He walked back towards me, his hands in his pant pockets, he was looking down at his shoes and he suddenly looked up and said "you have two minutes, start talking". A cold expression plastered his face, not even a hint of care or concern I could see on his flawless (flawless for me) features. His eyes were cold, but that was just a curtain, there was an endless depth of sadness behind that curtain. While one part of my mind was busy analysing how much I had been hurt, the other was yelling at me to say something, anything, my time was running, my brain frantically searched for words, too much for preparing myself for this. "Please don't do this" I said my voice breaking. Great going brain that's all you can come up with?. I had to say something, something to make him stay, to talk him down, "I know u care, I can see it on your face, don't do this Please" that was definitely a lie, I could not see anything on his face. "I don't care, that's why I am doing this" he said shrugging his shoulders, he did not look bothered at all. HOW? I closed my eyes, the pain was too much, I opened them and I saw his back, he was walking away from me.

'Richard is gone, he is not going to come back, u have lost him' my brain informed me and I burst out crying. 

This is what happened.

'This is not possible, this is not possible, this is not possible', he will come back, he is just being an ass, he is much better that this, he will come back' . It was so hard accepting the fact he was gone, it was so hard, that it almost crushed me. Alice was now taking me to the washroom. I was in a much better state now, though the tears were still flowing, only but silently. We entered the washroom and I saw Lyric standing, washing her hands. She walked towards us, looked at me, looked at Alice and asked her "What happened?". I wasn't in a state to answer her question so I just walked into one of the cubicles and closed the door.  I could hear Alice's voice, her words. Explaining. 

Lyric was the same age as Richard's, in fact she was Richard's ex, they had a messy relationship, which did not end quite well. For me she was the only person who knew how much it hurt, I could see myself in her.

 I washed my face, and somehow found a little piece of me that was still standing strong, I stopped crying and walked out. Lyric was standing there, she got hold of my shoulders and started yelling at me 'Give up already Natalie, why don't u understand? That guy does not give a rat's ass, and look at you. If he says he is not going to comeback, he is not, he does NOT owe u anything, so suck it up" I looked at her shocked, I wasn't prepared for this kind of reaction from her, I was counting on something a bit more sensitive. "I can't" I said in a meek voice. "I can't, digest it" I said looking her now, aarrgghh the tears again. She let go of me and said "fine, u want to live in denial? Then do. I am not going to stop you" with that she walked out of the washroom. 

I looked at Alice, my vision was blurred with tears, and said "he is going to come back, I know it and I will wait", at least my voice sounded a bit stronger now.