When we finally arrive to the school people start jumping out of the bus running up to friends waiting on them.
I don't but I do see my friend . My one and now only remaining friend Caleb who I've known all my life and has never left my side . Even after I came out . Seriously I would trust this man with my life . One thing you should know is ... I never tell anyone what's going on at home or ever have anyone over . If anything like that ever happened I'd probably be homeless .
I go up to Caleb and we both greet each other with a smile . Only I'm hiding behind mine .
"Hey D , bad news" .
I look at him solemnly my smile slowly fades away . "Oh god please don't tell me". He nods and points over to the far left where the student car park is . There he is ... my ex boyfriend who I dumped immediately after coming out ... worst decision of my life . He was already treating me like shit when we were together but now it's worse and I still haven't told anyone . I don't think I ever will .
His name is Evan Sanders and he's not someone you wanna fuck with . Believe me , I did it and it wasn't pleasant .
I let out an exhale and me and Caleb make our way over to the school entrance . He glances over to look at me and blocks the door . "Long time no see Angel".
Still not being able to get by him I play along with his stupid antics . What do you want Evan?". He looks me up and down with his sharp gaze and annoying smirk . "You know if you miss me that badly you should just admit it" he trys to grab my hand that's resting by my side only for it to be slapped away by Caleb .
"Careful man , choose your next move carefully" he says.
I stare at Evan with a blank expression and he snatches his hand out of Caleb's grasp . "Unless your looking for someone to apologize to you can go find a new fuck toy somewhere else" I say . "Come on Caleb".
We barge by Evan practically slamming the door in his face . As we're walking down the corridor towards our lockers I feel like everyone is staring at me . Like everyone's icy gaze is fixated on my pale skin and skinny arms . I don't like it . I don't like this feeling .
"So you know we have that biology test today yeah?" Says Caleb . Snapping back to reality I'm hit with the awful sudden relocation that I haven't sudden an ounce for it .
"Shit , are you serious?! Fuck ... well I'm prepared to do my absolute worst" I say confidently. Caleb laughs and gently elbows my arm . I know that I haven't told him anything about what's going on in my life after coming out . But I know he knows . And frankly I'm okay with it . Like I said , he's the person who's been by my side all my life and I don't want that to slip away .
As we reach the lockers I lazily grab all my books for the first 4 periods and wave off Caleb as he heads to his first class . Once he's gone that feeling starts to creep back in . Like everyone is watching my every move .
But I brush it off .
I always brush it off .
My first class was Art which is actually something I'm good at . Aka the class that I'm not failing in . The art room is bright . There's lots of random paintings and pictures hung up on the wall with the odd sticky note in between them . The art room is the kind of messy that's also clean y'know? Where it just looks better if it's messy .
As much as I love art there's only one thing that bothers me . The fact that she's in my class as well .
Yes she .
The girl that made me have the biggest reality check in my life . The girl that turned my entire life upside down . The girl who I can't stop thinking about to the point where it makes me so annoyed I wanna throw myself out a fucking window . But . At the same time and cheesy as this may sound ...
She made me realize what it's like to love someone so much you would do anything for them .
Her name is Hazel Woods . She transferred to our school from Forks , Washington and where in Florida so it's definitely far from where she grew up . Sometimes I wonder if i could just stop time with one snap so everything is frozen in place . So I can actually properly talk to her without acting like an idiot. Tell her about my interest , my life ( maybe ) , my hobby in playing bass guitar....maybe even tell her my feelings .
But that's never gonna happen . The closest interaction we've had is the odd friendly wave and smile . Or sometimes she'll give a presentation in class and I get to hear her voice that's as smooth and soft as honey .
As I fumble to my desk I drop all my art supplies on the table and slump down into my chair . As our teacher Miss . Simmons calls out what we are doing in todays class i block out all noise and I'm fixated on the back of Hazels head . Her long blonde hair looks like fresh wheat in a field . Her skin looks so soft to touch . It's tanned and clear . I want to feel it . I want to know what it's like to stroke her cheek and hold her hand.
I'm snapped out of my trance to hear Miss . Simmons yelling at me .
"Danielle were you listening to a word I said?!" .
I wasn't
"No" .
She inhales sharply and gives a forced smile that looks like she just had a nail through her foot . "Class to repeat what I just mentioned , you will all be paired up together in two's and do a unique art piece together representing what it means to be your age".
Good lord that sounds awful .
As she begins reading out names I dread for mine to be called as she starts to name off student by student . And soon enough mine is called.
"Danielle your with Hazel".
My heart stops for a second and I attempt to catch my breath . No . No I can't be with her . What if she finds out how shitty my life is? What if she thinks that I'm a lowlife and decides to ditch me halfway through the project? I can't . Please I can't .
Hazel turns over and looks me in the eyes and greets me with a smile and I give one back .
"Looks like we're gonna be a team then!" She says gleefully .
"Yeah!" I reply . I say it enthusiastically but inside I feel my heart shrivel up into a ball .
After class everyone is packing up all their stuff . I'm doing the same thing but then Hazel approaches me .
"Hey , I was gonna say we could maybe work on the project at my place? My parents are away in Hawaii so it's just me".
I look at her with glossy eyes and it takes me a split second to actually give her an answer . "Yeah sure! When would you be free? I mean I know it's not due until the end of next month but better to make a head start now y'know?" .
She nods enthusiastically.
"Well like I said I'm pretty much by myself for another week and a half so really anytime is fine with me".
In my head I start to list off when I'm free and not at home caged like a bird .
"How's Thursday?" I ask .
"Perfect! We can get the train to my house after school!". After an awkward 10 seconds I broke the silence .
"Um okay well I'm gonna head to next period ... maybe I'll see you around". Hazel greeted me with her soft smile again . "See you later Dani!".
That's weird...
No one else has ever called me Dani apart from myself or Caleb. I haven't even told her that I prefer Dani . As I'm walking to my next class I can't get the image of her face out of my head . Her sweet smile , her soft hair , her long eyelashes and olive skin . Everything about her is perfect .
Who knows? Maybe one day I'll finally own up and say something but for now I know that's never gonna happen.
YOU ARE READING
Dedicated
Romance"to be honest , i never wanted to be gay . in fact it's probably the last thing i'd ask for but here we fucking are . constantly being fetishized by men and harassed at home by your own parents , saying you need to repent your sins and your gonna bu...
