𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐃 - 𝘢 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘱𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯

05. | Falling Apart

Pansy and Draco storm off in separate directions, each heading to their respective dorm. Pansy snivels and sniffs all the way down. I'm amazed that they, the Slytherin power couple, even broke up. And that Draco defended me.

Pansy's right. He is different. Something about the look in his eye, the way he holds himself, is so different from the pest of a boy he used to be.

I straighten chairs around tables as I head to the fireplace. The plush sofa is calling my name. I sink into its emerald velvet grasp. Thank everything in the heavens for a moment's peace to myself.

"Jaylene!"

I jump to my feet when I hear his voice. Sirius. But it couldn't be. He can't Apparate into Hogwarts, none of that. I start to sit down again, thinking I must have dreamed it.

"Jaylene!"

No. His voice is definitely there, and definitely coming from the fire. I approach the charred wood carefully. Sitting, made out of goals and glowing, is my godfather's sweet face.

"Sirius, you look absolutely hilarious," I giggle.

"There's no time, dear girl. I must make this quick. Before someone comes in. Have you... decided? About the mission? I don't mean to pressure you."

"Yes, I've decided. I'd love to do anything to help my brother and all of you. A good cause is worth all of the pain that could happen to me. It's about time I pitch in," I whisper.

Sirius's face, even when formed of ash, seems to smile. And my insides glow, just as he is. For I have made him proud.

"Thank you, my Dragon. Your service won't go unnoticed, I promise you that," he says. "I'll come to you, just like this, every other Friday night at exactly midnight. We won't have much time to discuss, but every little bit will benefit the Order."

"Of course."

"I'm afraid I must go, Dragon. I'm so very sorry. Tell Harry I wish him all the best, and the same goes for you as well."

Just like water has doused the fire, he has gone. Where once my godfather's smile shone up at me is nothing but dead coals.

I rock back on my heels, wrapping my arms around myself as tight as I possibly can and squeeze. Tears start to roll down my face, slow at first until I'm grasping myself and sobbing into the common room carpet. Everything- everything is too much. The weight of the day, the past weeks, everything, has crashed upon my shoulders, leaving my back splintered and split open. Sirius has left me. My hand is bloody. My brother looks at me oddly, just for my house. Hogwarts, the place I love so much, makes me feel so lonely, even when I'm with company. I've accepted a mission. I could become a Death Eater. The world is so fucking terrifying. At any moment, I could die. I could lose everyone I love. I'm living in a bloody war.

I'm struggling in silence. The words to tell someone how I feel are gone, non-existent, swallowed in my gasping cries. On the floor of the Slytherin Common room, I come undone, releasing into the world the feelings I have never allowed myself to feel.

And then he's there. His touch is a ghost, a hand barely pressed upon my back, but enough to bring me out of my mind and back to the present. The cold of the floor seeps back through my fingers, and the doused embers warm my face. His thumb glides back and forth across my back as I suck in deep breaths, forcing the crisp air through my lungs.

"It's okay," he whispers.

I come undone again.

I sink back into his arms and cry until I cannot feel anything. I cry until my body goes limp into the chest of my brother's enemy. I cry until the ceiling spins, until I am dizzy. I cry until I cannot anymore.