Lover Her Even She Is Not..."Her"

Love her even she is not...'Her'

One shot story written by: Dyiesika

From the day that I made the biggest mistake in my life. I felt like, I will never going to be happy again the way I used to. The hardest and painful moment I've experienced is the one that I know I'm going to regret to 'till the day I die.

Have you ever experienced being loved by someone unconditionally?

Have you ever give up everything for someone?

I envy those people who experienced loving a person who loved them the way they never expected to. Yes, I admit... even a man like me envy those men who already found someone they will love for the rest of their lives.

I remember the day when I met this girl, she was a jolly and a happy-go-lucky person. Lagi itong nakangiti at madaldal. I've met her once in a fast food chain, she is working on that small fast food restaurant.

Hobby na namin ng mga kaibigan ko ang kumain sa labas everytime we went outside to have fun. Kung hindi nag oouting, nag hihiking, ay kumain sa labas ang isa sa mga outdoors activity namin.

"May I take your order mga sir?" A girl with her apron said. I admit that she is really cute, especially with her cap which is part of their uniform.

"Enjoy po kayo sir! Sana magustuhan niyo po!. Maraming salamat po! Order pa po kayo ah?" My friends and I laughed because she is being talkative again.

Naging madalas ang pagkain namin sa restaurant na yun. Natutuwa kasi ang mga kaibigan ko dun sa babae at masarap din naman daw ang mga pagkain. Lagi nilang nakakaasaran yung babae na yun at nakakakwentuhan. Natutuwa sila sa pagiging bibo nito. That girl I think was a year younger than us. But it wasn't obvious with her physical features anyway.

"Ano nga palang pangalan mo ate?" My friend asked.

"Naku! Wag kang mag ate sa akin hahaha ang bata ko pa noh! 18 pa lang ako. Tyaka Steff po ang pangalan ko hehehe."

She is nice and I think I am having a crush on her. Totoo talaga ako sa sarili ko, pag alam kong attractive ako o gusto ko ang isang tao ay hindi ko na itatanggi pa ito. Pero ako ang tipo ng lalaking hindi na palalalimin pa ito. 'Cause I have my reasons.

Naging close siya sa mga kaibigan ko kaya madalas pag nagkakataong maaga siyang nag oout sa trabaho ay sinasama namin siya sa gala namin. Pero madalas ay tinatanggihan niya kami dahil may kapatid pa daw siyang aasikasuhin at mga school works na tatapusin. She's an indeed responsible person.

Dahil sa dalas namin siyang kasama ay mas lalo akong nagkakagusto sa kanya. Kinakausap niya ako lagi kahit pa nga hindi ko ito madalas kibuin ay ayos lang sa kanya.

I never thought that we are going to be this close. Close enough to have a mutual understanding. But I know I can't love her. I can't be in a relationship with her. Not her.

"Ano ba tayo Efraim?" Her question caught me off guard. I was hesitant to answer her question because I don't want to hurt her.

She is nice. She is not hard to love. She is an indeed ideal girl. But, I know my heart only belongs to someone. And I am a playboy, I played girls heart. I make girls cried.

"I cannot love you the way you wanted to be love honestly," I said. But she just smile.

"I never said that I want you to love me immediately. I just want an assurance. Hindi naman ako nagmamadali. Maghihintay ako."

I was a bit shocked because she answered me honestly and without any hesitation. I think of those days we were together. I became happy and I smiled again truly. Not a plastic one or even a fake one.

Naisip kong matututunan ko rin siyang mahalin. Kaya napagdesisyunan kong subukan muli ang pakikipag relasyon. We became official and she was happy as well. Naging smooth ang relasyon namin. Parang normal na relationship lang din. Away at bati.

Ako ang madalas na pinagmumulan ng away. Napaka short tempered ko kasi at minsa'y mahirap intindihin daig ko pa ang babae. But she stayed. She keep on understanding me. She became patient towards my attitude and on our relationship.

"I love you my Efraim, always remember that you are the most beautiful thing happened to me."

I know it was wrong to be in a relationship with someone you don't really love. And I was too stupid doing that wrong thing. Akala ko hindi ko na magagawang magkamali pa. Dahil nga may dumating ng babae sa buhay ko na unti unti akong binabago. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagmamahal niya sa'kin. Tipong kaya niyang tiisin yung lahat ng sakit dahil sa akin.

Dumating yung araw na kinatatakutan ko. Yun ay ang masaktan siya. She caught me kissing with another girl inside my friends's car. I was drunk. But I know my mind can still think normal. Ang akala kasi ng mga kaibigan ko ay sobrang lasing ko na kaya tinawagan nila ang girlfriend ko, si Steff.

"E-Efraim?!"

Parang biniyak ang puso ko ng gabing yun ng makita kong umiiyak si Steffany. Sinubukan kong lapitan siya pero umaatras siya. Umiiling itong lumuluha hanggang sa tuluyan itong tumakbo.

I ran after her. Naabutan ko itong umiiyak sa gitna ng daan. Parang may tumutusok sa puso ko ng gabing 'yon. Lalo na ng makita ko siyang umiiyak.

"S-Steff..."

"Bakit mo ba ginagawa sakin to?" She asked as she faced me. She is crying.

"Bakit Efraim!? Bakit? Wala naman akong ibang ginawa kundi ang mahalin ka ahh? Bakit sinasaktan mo ko ng ganito?"

"S-Sorry...please I'm sorry,"

"Sorry? Efraim...sorry? No! Hindi sapat ang sorry mo lang! Naging tanga ako dahil pinasok ko 'tong punyetang relasyon na 'to! Tapos pagkatapos mo akong saktan...sorry lang?"

She wiped her tears and laughed mockingly.

"Steff...please," I pleaded.

"Tama na. Tama na 'tong pagtitiis ko! Sinubukan ko naman diba? Sinubukan kong maging siya..."

"Sinubukan kong lampasan siya, pero alam kong hindi sapat yun ...hindi sapat ang ginawa ko para mahalin mo tulad ng babaeng pinapangarap mo-"

"Steffany hindi! Hindi totoo yan! Hindi ka lang basta sapat...sobra ka pa." My tears fall as I uttered those words.

"Kung ganun bakit hindi mo ko kayang mahalin? Bakit kung sobra pa ko sa sapat...bakit sinasaktan mo ko? At bakit mo niloloko ang sarili mong matututunan mo rin akong mahalin?"

I am fucking lucky enough! But, I've lost her in my hands. I've lost the girl I never dream but unconditionally love me. When she left me. She bring my hearts with her. And I can't have it back anymore.

Nang mawala siya sakin doon ko lamang na realize na dapat pinahalagahan ko siya. Na dapat minahal ko siya higit pa sa pagmamahal niya sakin. Dapat naging kontento ako sa kanya.

Yes, she can't be the girl I dreamed of. She can't be the girl in my standard. But she can be the girl I know I can be with till I grow old. Because I know she is different. Time.

How I wish I can turn back the time, where I can still... Love her the moment I choose to. But now I know I can't...

'Cause it's too late. Too late to win her back.

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Date Finished:  July 16, 2021

Dedicated to: Vincent John Efraim Genotiva