we met by being in the same friend group, from us being just acquaintances into friends.
talking stage and we were enjoying ourselves, i didnt knew i was giving mixed signals..
you played a game for me, i kept talking about it and you joined me and grinded to play with me, i was so happy that someone i was close with wanted to have the same interest as me
we kept hanging out after that, only online, the pandemic was someone keeping us apart, i remember how you kept telling me how if i was born a year earlier we would be classmates, and you know what, i wanted to be born earlier too, i wanted someone who has the same interest as me and someone who liked me as me, you talk alot about yourself, but mostly what i missed was the greetings, how we played together, and generally talking to each other
you confessed to me, i was really taken back, surprised even that someone like you could love someone like me, i mean yeah im pretty "unlikable", my first crush rejected me because he was exploring himself, and ignored me.
after confessing our friendship stayed the same but with a lable, that truth is that i didnt really felt the same, i wanted to feel what a relationship was at that time, how it felt someone loving you except your family, someone close, or a relative, like someone who loves you for who they see and feel what you really are, and you gave me a lot of that love
your love was something i cant reciprocate, i cant do that because inside this tiny heart of mine cant feel love anymore for someone else, i feel no feelings, no love, and i felt bad, you were giving me what i cant feel, reciprocate, and give more in return
those 2 "dates was something i didnt forget, we were so awkward with each other, and how my siblings both of them went with us twice, both of them just going to seven eleven, but those were memorable moments for me
i dont forget easily but you were unforgettable, you were like a pen in a world of pencils in my head, those weeks where you would message me even if i left you on read was the most heart breaking time of our relationship, i wanted to stay as friends, i had dreams i cant let go, i wanted to become rich, live comfortably, and form a family i would hate
when you promised to marry me, i thought you were the one, i was wrong, i wanted to be free, i just wanted to know what it felt, i was jealous of others, i wanted to experience what they were experiencing, and im sorry if i used you for that
you were already giving me major red flags, you were possessive, you got angry from me talking about my classmate from 6th grade, we just wanted to be friends, and i didnt like how you controlled me with those sweet words of yours, i just like to believe that you weren't love bombing me
breaking your heart was never my intention, yes you helped me when i was at my lowest, but i wasnt built for building you up again, i spent a whole month thinking if i broke up with you my parents would stop nagging me about having a boyfriend, about how young we were, im in my teenage years and i wanted to know what others were feeling, i feel mature for my age yet dont at the same time, and one of those childish acts was saying yes to you
saying yes was like getting another responsibility i could not handle, someone i wanted to drop 5 seconds into the task, you were heavy on my shoulders, you were everyday in my mind, regretting that i said yes to you, i guess you were really my biggest regret
this isnt goodbye, this is simply see you later, i wanted to still be friends but i guess its weird being friends with your ex, i guess i was wrong by saying that, i guess i was wrong about you and me
letting you go was hard, but seeing you again is harder
