Please... | IshiMondo

Chapter 3

TW: Smut, Self-Deprication

Mondo remained patient with him, wiping away the tears as they fell, so carefully, caringly, lovingly...

There you go again Ishimaru. Why do I even bother warning you?

You can't have this. You don't deserve it. You didn't earn it.

When will you finally realise this is hopeless?

" 'M so fuckin' sorry man... 's my fault..." What? How dare Mondo blame himself for Taka falling in love with him? It was really no one's fault but his own.

He managed to shake his head no. No, you're not the problem. No, it's all my fault.

His fault.

His own stupid fault.

The only thing Mondo ever did was be himself. Taka'd be a monster if he blamed him for it.

"Nah dude, ya don't gotta spare my feelings. I fucked up. I shoulda never... fuck-"

Spare his feelings?

"Never...?"

"...done... all that..." That had to be the vaguest answer he had ever received to a question.

"....I don't really... remember much... but... I know it's my fault... it has to be-"

"NO- Fuck- you're just trying to spare my feelings after I did that shit to you? Really, are ya some kind of angel? There's no way I deserve ya- no fucking way-"

Mondo didn't deserve him?

No, no. Quite the opposite. It was Taka who wanted what he could not have.

Somewhere in his chest his heart fluttered at the word angel. He pushed it down.

"You do... you absolutely do... better than me..."

"Better than you? I have yet ta meet anyone who fits that standard. Can't get much better than fuckin perfect, can ya?" He was laughing, but the sincerity was clear in his voice.

....why was he doing this to him? Building him up, even after knowing how Kiyotaka wanted him? Wanted Mondo in a way he couldn't return?

It was just so cruel .

"No... I can't... you... you're just... so cruel..." And with that, he had spilled. Mondo believed he saw perfection when he looked at Taka, when in reality he was but a masquerade of flaws.

Mondo saw him as everything, while in reality, Taka was nothing. Worthless. A robot feigning humanity. A burden. And a fucking failure too. He couldn't even keep his own feelings bottled.

He couldn't do this. Not when Mondo looked at him like he was the entire universe.

He had to stop deceiving him.

"So so cruel..." He repeated, though this time directed at himself, and he didn't know how to continue.

"I know man. I deserve that."

"Then... why? Why?"

"I... I dunno- fuck- I never fucking know why I do shit around you, I just do okay?! Ya just... have that typa effect on me...'guess..'m a selfish bastard."

"No.. "

"Yes I am Taka. Ya can just admit it man. I won't even blame ya fer thinkin' it."

"No... I'm selfish... my fault..."

"There is literally not a single fuckin universe where that'd 've been yer fault-"

"But-"

"Shhh... it's okay. At least, if ya want it to be. If ya can't forgive me that's totally valid too-" Forgive him? There was nothing to forgive him for.