TW: PTSD, Self-Deprication, Minor Character Death Mentioned
When he woke up, Mondo was still there, holding him. He did not know how long he had been out, with nothing to indicate the time around, the curtains closed and the clock on the wall out of sight. It could be morning, it could be night. He did not know.
Mondo was asleep, arms wrapped around his frame, with his chin resting on Taka's head, breathing evenly.
Taka tried to get out of his grip. He failed.
So he was stuck, without an idea of the time, without something to do and without company to talk to.
Just him and his thoughts, and he had plenty to think about.
Alright... a lot had happened. He couldn't deny that. Over the course of these last 2 days, his and Mondo's relationship had taken a couple turns, and Taka was no longer sure where he stood in Mondo's book.
He knew Mondo had wanted him yesterday (or was it still the same day? Kiyotaka did not know the time), he had made that rather clear, but Taka was lost for what that meant.
He wanted him, sure, but what part? His body? His platonic affection? His heart ?
He doesn't want your heart.
How would you know that?
No one ever does.
...
Just give up, stop thinking and take what he will give you. Stop looking too far into it and seeing things that aren't there, you'll only disappoint yourself.
...
Give up and accept it, Ishimaru: No one would ever want your love. Your own mother didn't even want it. What makes you think that this time is different?
. . .
You're alone , Kiyotaka. There's no one there to catch your fall if you take a dive.
Shut up- just shut up-
You know I am right. Don't ignore the voice of reason. It never works out in the end.
Stop- you are not the voice of reason-
But I am. Have I not kept your heart safe over the past few years? When they said they wanted you, yet they ridiculed you, who was there to remind you it was an act? Who other than me was there to defend your feelings from their cruelty?
. . .
Exactly.
Mondo wouldn't do that. He wouldn't. I refuse to believe-
Everyone leaves you Ishimaru. He is no exception. One day he'll see what is actually hidden behind that demeanour and he will be gone .
Don't grow even more attached.
...
Taka curled further into Mondo's arms, looking for the comforting warmth to help his thoughts calm down. He knew his own mind was often irrational, but somehow he fell for it every time. He hated it. He hated how he believed it.
He hated how it was true .
The grip he had on Mondo's waist only tightened as he spiralled further into his thoughts, slowly growing less aware of his surroundings, instead substituting it for a vast darkness.
He closed his eyes and let his thoughts lull him to sleep again.
It was far from peaceful.
╍┅┉━━━━━┉┅╍
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Please... | IshiMondo
Hayran KurguMondo didn't like being disturbed when he's busy doing something. People knew this, so they would never reach out to him if it was not absolutely necessary. This is why he was particularly annoyed when his phone rang while he was in the gym with Chi...
