The Beautiful You

Bonus Chapter ~ Pearly Dewdrops' Drops

I had this feeling a long time ago.

It's like a flutter. 

It's that feeling in the center of your chest. The kind of feeling that makes your head think your heart's about to fly out of your chest. My dad used to tell me that it was my heart skipping a beat.

I was 10, and I hoped that feeling would go away because I knew what happened to boys like me. Boys that liked the thought of holding hands with other boys. I wasn't supposed to feel this way. 

I wanted to hide it all away.

But right now, watching him from across the crowded dance hall, I'm glad that I'm that same boy. Because if I wasn't, I wouldn't get to have that same feeling watching him now. He was leaning over Mei while she was shouting something into his ear. I liked the concentrated look on his face, his eyebrows were furrowed and he bit his bottom lip as he attentively tried to understand her over the music.

I especially liked the way his dark hair caressed his cheek bones, and his tuxedo flattered his form. Apollo dresses well, but seeing him like this was a dream. Having him here with me was a dream.

Then he did it.

He smiled.

It was the type of smile that carried through to his eyes, and revealed his dimples.

It was his real smile, not the one he puts on just to get through the day. It's the one I see when we're alone in his bedroom, or in the car ride home when it's just the two of us. Honestly, it makes me a little jealous now that he shows it off to anyone other than me.

I think it's okay to feel a little selfish when it comes to your first love.

If I could have him all to myself, I would.

His eyes met mine as soon as the next song began, and that recognizable guitar riff started to play. I know it because it's one of his mom's favorite songs. He pushed his way through the crowd, never breaking away from my gaze.

"Amory, dance with me," he said, extending his hand.

I glanced around, watching couples hold each other close and sway to the music.

"I don't know how to dance–like that," I said, chewing my bottom lip. He shrugged and glanced around.

"No one here is doing anything impressive," he said, taking my hand. "Just hold me like this."

He guided my hands to his shoulder, encouraging me to wrap my arms around him. He gently placed his hands on my hips pulling me closer to him.

I smiled, feeling a little self conscience about the way my feet moved, and how clumsy I looked dancing with him.

But he didn't seem to mind the awkward way my body swayed, or the glances we were getting.

Apollo was much better at ignoring the world than I was. He made me feel like it was only us anywhere we went, but there are times I can feel—I can see the way people look at us. Like staring at us for long enough will make us disappear. I haven't learned to ignore it yet.

Apollo's very good at it.

Apollo has this misconception that people already hated him even before he came out. He wasn't afraid of what everyone thought, at least not strangers.

"Apollo, are you happy?" I asked.

The music through the speakers was loud, but I was just the right size to speak into his ear.

He nodded, and his eyes held this certain look. It's gentle and endearing, and I can feel it warm me up inside.

This is the one thing that was mine. He would never share this with anyone else, these eyes were only for me.

"I'm happy." He lowered his head to speak into my ear. "Are you happy?"

I nodded, feeling his grip tighten. I think he can tell I'm nervous by how quiet I was. Usually I have a lot to talk about, but right now the words just won't come out.

"My mom really likes this song," he said.

"I know."

He furrowed his eyebrows in suspicion. Apollo's a lot more talkative these days. Sometimes he likes to talk about nothing and everything all at the same time. It's fun, and sometimes he lets me in on his childhood memories, and memories he holds close.

"How?"

"You told me this was the song your parents danced to in high school."

"I did?"

I nodded. "Pearly Dewdrops' Drops...Weird, how the DJ knew this song."

Apollo smirked and shrugged off my comment. Apollo doesn't like to say he's the romantic type of guy, but he is. In the simplest form of the word, but I like it. I also didn't want to tell him I saw him talking to the DJ five minutes ago.

I'll let him think he's convinced me this is a coincidence.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I nodded. "It's just weird," I said. "Being out like this. I feel like everyone's looking at us."

He shook his head, and gently placed his thumb under my chin to raise it up. His eyes glistened under the lights, and his hair fell above his eyes in just the right spot—and he looked exactly like he did that night he pulled me out of the river.

Like my very own knight.

By that point I had only known him for two days. Two days was all it took for me to fall in love with Apollo. Two days, and no matter how hard I tried in the beginning to convince myself to let go of him, I kept hoping that he wanted me too.

I tried convincing myself that being his friend was enough, until it wasn't.

"It's just me and you," he said.

There was that feeling again.

That flutter.

I don't know if this feeling will ever stop as long as he's around, but I don't think I wanted it to.

I think I'll keep it.

"Me and you," I repeated.