Never Ending, Never Lasting

Chapter 1.

(The mocking bird sings.)

I didn't realize the amount she lost, until I felt the heaviness of her life longing to leave my hands.

Everything was a blur, at least- its what it looked like to me. My hands were vibrating a lot- or am I shaking? But I didn't feel anything. At most, my heart- my emotions- all were desolating from my body like a raging ocean tide leaving no destruction. Cold, gloomy- the more I kept looking at my hands, the more dark, rippling red pooled beneath me.

Its like I was just waking up from a fever dream. Shocked with the withered rage hangover- slowly my gaze followed the stream, only for it to shot back to my hands. By then I finally felt something- queasiness. Like I wanted to gag; to vomit. Each time I took a breath, it felt like my stomach tried to escape my throat. A heavy weight in my vowels as I choked on the air that was thick with the stench of a sweet metallic bitter tang.

Oh my god...I killed someone.
My mouth getting dry with the thought, staring at my hands. Not daring to ever look up. Giving myself mix signals on rather calming down or stay freaking out- my breath started to hitch as I crawled back from the scene. Dreaded with the thought of death.

I killed someone. I actually killed someone. The weighted force of life slipped down from my fingers. My own damn hands! Each drop of the cold crimson tapped into the puddle below. Like a ticking time clock.

Tap

Tap

Tap

The once so grossly thick with warmth, soon an icy cold touch from the reaper himself- it made me finally pause to think. The first thoughts that enrupted this uncomfortable tension.

I ruined everything.

My body was frozen, and my eyes stinging in sharp pain for never blinking. I raised my hand to cover my mouth, a thick large sob escaped my throat before I broke again- immediately hit with the horrible stench.

A stone started to rise from my stomach, my mind racing; throbbing- as I knew what was about to happen. and before long I projected whatever was running around in my stomach out of my body. Hurling my upper body to throw my head down- vomitting. Keeping the vile liquid away from me. Breathing was hard with each stop- only to immediately get back to the heat rising up and leaving me again. Left with no choice but to cry and spit out the leftovers that rotted in my mouth.

Now that sweet stench of the iron tang was covered with a hideous scent of sour... and a grisly scene. My throat burns like a raging forest fire. Slowly, I lifted my body up- my arms trembled from my weight. Each push of strength was a very demanding job.

The bright cold scarlet shimmered in the dim light of the small room- taunting me with its presence. It was mocking me, or maybe that was just the voices in my head.

You did it Raph... it would say.

Look at us! We match perfectly for your hands...

My heart sank, my vison was getting darker with each alarming breath. I hated every second of this. But I did the right thing- I had to! If I didn't....they wouldn't be safe anymore. But she didn't deserve death! Everything was so perplex- what do I do!?

I wanted to feel, to touch something. To understand for once what I just did and why. But my rage boiled inside me- thats all I remember. RAGE. A powerful emotion filled with hatred of whatever my eyes lay upon on. I leaned my body against the gritty stoned wall- tensing my muscles as I continued to weep.

Thick with bitter emotions- exhausted from them at the same time. And then one emotion rose- getting stronger and louder with each breath I took trying to stay neutral.

You did this to yourself, its your fault. The voice said

A sudden flash in my eyes. Everything stopped. My teeth grind with eachother as I raised an arm, suddenly blowing up as I opened my mouth and a scream escaped my throat.

WHAM!

The sound of crumbling debris fell from the ceiling, pieces of bits from the wall crumbled as lines formed from the dented hole. A heavy, mourning sob erupted from my throat as I hiccuped. Resting my forehead on the breaking wall now. All I could do is cry. But was there even anything else I could do?

You shouldn't be the one crying. The voice said with its cold-hearted hatred, echoing in my head. Ringing over repeatedly like a distant voice replaying my own name. Was it from someone I knew?

You did it, you caused it.
Your hands are the ones holding the crime.
The voice was thick with disgust, like the words it spoke was venom hurting its tounge.

I can't take it anymore. Its like I held the most heafty dumbell on my back, the weight being unbearable. But after for so long I went blank. A bleak coldness sweeping in as I felt my eyelids feel heavy. Slowly opening up to the fact about how frail I was.

So blinded by hate I never bothered to care about my strength limit. Just lingering on the wall, I see the entrance to the room fly up into the sky as a sharp pain entered my face. I fell down. My face stared into the direction of the door- everything was numb.

Slowly, my vision begun to darken. Exhausted and overwhelmed, I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I regret it all. As I was about to close my eyes, the door opens. A light presents itself into the dark, gloomy room. A whisk of cold crispy air hit my face and...

The night sky was shimmering birghtly with stars scattered across the endless ocean night. Legs crouching back as he launches up into the air again to land onto the next rooftop. Raph scanned the area around him, basking in the icy wind that shot across his face. The smell was of a hint of maple strangly enough, sometimes replaced with horrible stenches of mold and rot from the garbage below.

Landing on the final rooftop of the patrol for the night, Raph seeked down at the land below. Nothing shown him besides the light the moon embroidered all over town. But what gave the most light was the lamps down below.  Rubbing his clean hands together to keep warm, he could only think of one thing.

Why am I doing this patrol all alone again?

.