Rinney oneshots!

I remember

Words: 754

pure angst, sorry<3

Warnings: Sh, Suicide, ED, death, grief.

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I remember you so vividly, even after all these years you're still all I think about. I don't know how to cope. You're gone Finney, and I still don't know what to do without you, I never will.
I miss you so much, it feels so wrong that I'm still out here getting older and you're stuck being 14. You should be growing up with me, you should be graduating with me and going to college with me, but you never will.

It breaks me to think about what happened. I wish you would of reached out to me, or to anyone. I wish you saw another way out. It's not fair, you were treated so cruelly and unfairly, nobody realized what they said had an affect on you until it quite literally killed you.

At your funeral, the same people who said those shitty things to you showed up, pretending to care. The truth is they never gave a shit about you, they never respected you or cared or anything. To them, you were a joke, something to laugh at. I wanted to beat the shit out of them when I first saw their face. But I didn't, because it wasn't the time, I'd get my revenge later.

Everyone tells me to move on and to find someone else, but I can't. You played the biggest role in my life, you made me who I am today because despite my reputation you always stuck by me. You gave me the confidence I didn't think I had, you always brought out the best in me. I miss that, I miss us.
I miss hanging out with you everyday, I miss our movie nights, I miss cuddling you, I miss sharing clothes. I wear one of your hoodies everyday, it's gotten smaller on me, but I guess that's because I'm not 14 anymore.

On a different topic, you'd be really proud of Gwen. She's top of her class, passing with all A's, she's really followed in your footsteps. She's really popular too, she has a lot of friends. But she doesn't let the popularity get to her you know? Like she's super kind to everyone and is really helpful. She talks really highly of you to some of her friends that she's had over the past couple of years, they all seem to think that you were great. I mean you were, I just wish they knew you like I did.

Denver was affected by your death heavily. They couldn't believe that the boy who survived the grabber, who killed him, ended up killing himself. I will never forget the day I found out.
I knew something was up because that whole week you had been distant, and you reeked of anxiety and depression. I knew it was bad when you gave me your rocket flashlight. I tried to get you to talk, but you wouldn't. You were so set in stone on dealing with it all by yourself.

The day that you went through with it constantly clouds my mind. I remember begging for you to let me in and trying to convince you that you weren't thinking straight. You cried and cried and apologized over and over again, I screamed for you to stop and to just open the fucking door.
Then I heard the gunshot, then came the ringing in my ears. I dropped to my knees in agony, not wanting to believe that you really just did it.

The first couple of months were hard, I woke up everyday wishing I hadn't. I'd go to sleep praying that something would happen to me so I could be with you again. I rarely ate, drank, or even got out of bed. Every body thought I was gonna end up like you, and for a while I did too. I've now grown to grieve over you in healthy ways. For example I'll write to you instead of skipping meals, I'll listen to your favorite songs instead of curling up in bed and crying, I'll look back on pictures of us and feel happy instead of completely broken.

Some days are hard, but I manage. I do it because I know that you'd be proud of me, and that if you were here you'd be cheering me on. I'll never not miss you Finney, and that's just that. Nothing in this world could ever make me get over you. So for now, I'll mourn you in healthy and respectful ways.

Your favorite, Robin<3

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Sorry for all the angst recently, I do plan on writing more fluff.  I made this to sort of honor my own friend and more or less project what happened to me onto rinney.

If any of you are thinking of hurting yourself or ending your life, please please reach out to someone, reach out to me. You are so so loved, even if it doesn't feel like it.

Stay safe, I love you all🫶🏻