All We Ever Were

1

IT WAS JUST A KISS. Nothing more, nothing less. And that's all I would ever allow it to be. A stupid, forgettable kiss. I convince myself that's all it was allowed to be, and the boundary set in place between him and I was not to be broken. I do not see Gage differently, and I never will. Never, ever, ever.

At least that's what I tell myself.

"Look at me, Rory."

The thing about stupid games is that you win stupid prizes. Whether it's a small teddy bear or a trance of confusion, heartbreak, and doubt - it's all stupid. One big, dumb kiss has screwed me over, and this time for good.

Gage was my lifelong best friend. He comforts me when I'm on my period, he holds me when I'm crying, and he gets drunk with me. He drives me home if I'm too drunk, which, is most of the time. Hell, the kid has even cooked me breakfast in the mornings. Breakfast!

But behind all the love and support we provide for each other, the comfort, there's one thing we had never done.

We had never kissed. We never planned to, never wanted to. We'd never even talked about it but there was a subconscious mutual agreement. The "this will totally ruin everything and it will never happen" agreement.

***

"Ew, smoker." Gage pretended to be ill by the smoke exiting my mouth, and I glared at him. He sat down on the porch next to me with a grin on his face, throwing his head back in what I could only assume was exhaustion. He snatched the cigarette from my hands and took it into his mouth.

"You better not get it wet, I'll kill you."

He looked over at me and I watched as his childish self began to smile. "I'll for sure get it wet." I groaned and playfully shoved him, and took it back from him. "You're nasty." He licked his teeth, clearly proud of the joke he had made.

"I need a new pack, do you wanna run to the hut with me?"

The hut was a small tobacco store in the city. It was run by a sweet old man who never carded me. I'm like 99% sure it was pretty girl privilege considering I'm 19. I wish I never picked up smoking.

When I was 15, Gage had dared me to smoke a half-smoked cigarette from the sidewalk for 5 dollars. I mean, 5 dollars is 5 dollars, so I agreed. Ever since then, sidewalk cigarettes were my thing until I was able to go into the stores and flirt with the old men into selling me them. Gross, I know.

"Yeah, I'll drive," he stood up quickly, grabbed his keys, and opened his car door for me. I got in and plugged my phone into his car.

We have a special relationship. Though we were only friends, the passenger seat was mine. I was the passenger seat princess, no matter who was in the car. Therefore, the auxiliary cord was also mine. (One of my favorite perks.)

I turned on our mutual favorite song as he pulled out of the driveway, and instantly, I could see a smile appear on his face and his fingers tapping along on the steering wheel to the beat. "I'm surprised we never got tired of this song, y'know." He glanced over at me, and I replied. "Good things never end!"

Unlike the saying, "Good things always come to an end," we both ignored it. I refused to believe there would be an end to my favorite things, like Gage and I. There was no end to a friendship like ours, and I never wanted there to be.

Breaking our silence, with his eyes still on the road, Gage spoke. "What are you doing this weekend?" I was on my phone, and without looking up I told him I was doing pretty much close to nothing. "Me neither. Come stay at mine?"